Saw And Antichrist To Terrorise Moviegoers

It’s Halloween season at the cinemas; which means that if today’s brand of torture-centric “thrills” is not for you, the movies offer few reasons not to stay in your house and barricade the doors.

AMELIA
Australian Release Date: 12 November 2009
The Story: Hilary Swank stars as the legendary lost lady aviator.
The Pitch: The Aviator meets Erin Brockovich
Who It’s For: Old people.
Cause for Hope: Ewan McGregor plays Gore Vidal’s father.
Cause for Concern: Another roll-out The Billy Elliot formula: substitute “For piss sakes, let the boy dance” with “For piss sake, let the (insert oppressed group) (insert unlikely vocation.)
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 3

SAW 6
Australian Release Date: 22 October 2009
The Story: That wacky prankster Jigsaw is back at it again with his rollicking game of Horrible Mutilation or Death. Good times ensue for all.
The Pitch: Blood Feast meets sticking your head into an electrical outlet.
Who It’s For: People whose souls have been so whittled down to nothing by media over-stimulation that punching themselves in the face is the only thing that can prove to them they are actually alive.
Cause for Hope: Saw 6 must be closer to the end than Saw 5 was.
Cause for Concern: The society that made the Saw films controls a nuclear arsenal large enough to destroy the world thousands of times over.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: Negative infinity.

ANTICHRIST
Australian Release Date: 26 November 2009 (limited release)
The Story: You’ve read about the well-hyped controversy, now see the movie. When a couple (Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg)’s baby falls out the window, they retreat to the woods to launch into a frenzy of self-abuse and recrimination.
The Pitch: Salo meets Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Who It’s For: Anyone who either wants to feel superior to rubes who can’t appreciate art or who wants to feel superior to sheep-like intelligensia who have convinced themselves that this is art.
Cause for Hope: Despite his public clownishness, Lars von Trier can still pack a visual punch.
Cause for Concern: After all the ruckus, is there still any point in seeing the actual film? And critics widely warn that when Gainsbourg breaks out the self-mutilation kit is the point where any sane person should call it a day.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 6

CIRQUE DU FREAK: THE VAMPIRE’S ASSISTANT
Australian Release Date: 7 January 2010
The Story: A young man joins a travelling freak show as an assistant to the show’s most mysterious member (John C. Reilly) and gets caught in the middle of an underworld battle.
The Pitch: Buffy meets Agent Cody Banks
Who It’s For: The whole family, if looking for a movie this weekend that doesn’t feature extreme mutilation.
Cause for Hope: Anything about vampires earns a “C” just for signing its name; directed by the half of the consistently better-than-average Weitz Brothers.
Cause for Concern: Looks too light and fluffy to be trusted not to float away from the screen.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 4

ASTRO BOY
Australian Release Date: 15 October 2009
The Story: An inventor creates a robot boy to replace a lost child, but then rejects his creation. The child robot goes out to fight the demons of his future world to prove his worth.
The Pitch: AI meets Underdog
Who It’s For: Childrens and anime fetishists.
Cause for Hope: The animation looks not uncool.
Cause for Concern: As the years pass, it gets harder to see the world through the eyes of a seven-year-old Japanese boy.
Defamer Enthusio-Meter: 4