The Sex And The City Plot Guessing Game Makes Our Brain Bleed

@snugbug:
Which one has James Wilke and Marion and Tabitha--Carries or SJP? Who stays in the Charles St. brownstone and who moves to Brooklyn?
I need to know!!

BabyJewn

@Wrapitup:
That's about all they watched during the Depression. Fred and Ginger, anyone?

BabyJewn

@nystar2000:
But she did hand people glasses and dishes and we DID see her kitchen (which, btw, was even MORE unrealistically huge than her fucking closet by NYC standards...)...

BabyJewn

@Steverino Begins:
I think she was less annoying when her hair was longer but her face was shorter.

BabyJewn

@snugbug:
What?? We TOTALLY saw her kitchen: that scene where she and the girls had Chinese Food; that scene when Alexander Petrovsky (sp) killed the mouse with the big frying pan after making dinner...
And, no, I don't have a life.
Thank you. That is all.

BabyJewn

@TubOfTaft: One character always survives the Final Destination movies. Just as long as it isn't one of the four female leads I'm fine.

@Wrapitup: Because I think if we liked seeing the clothes and shoe porn before the economy went in the toilet we'll be even more inclined to want that fantasy now when real shopping isn't an option for so many people. Maybe you're right and there will actually be a backlash.

gladys_kravitz

@Steverino Begins: glad i could provide.

@snugbug: Actually we do see her kitchen, in the ep where she arrives home to find Aidan cooking for her and they screw on the floor. But it's true that she does not do the cooking herself. Ever.

@snugbug: Wow, seriously? I want to audit that class. I've been sitting on a dissertation idea for a while that I think I would title: "Short, But Not Sweet: How Carrie Bradshaw's Annoyance Level In Any Given Episode Is Directly Tied to The Length of Her Hair"

All four get on teh facebook and twitter and the entire movie is told by status updates.

@Just Bristol Cities:

I hated all the characters in SATC because they were all so far removed from reality except for Lexi Featherston, the aging party girl who fell to her death from a penthouse apartment in one of the final episodes, because she reminded me of a long lost friend whose probably locked up in a mental hospital someplace.

@Steverino Begins:

I got a better idea: Samantha and Carrie recreate the scene from Two Girls One Cup for Mr. Big to recharge Carrie and Big's sex life.

@Big Poppa: I never became a fan of SATC, but of the group KD is the one I likey.

@Steverino Begins: Snuggle-chops, Carrie has not, does not, shall not ever boil an egg, as even venturing in the direction of the kitchen is below her station in life. (Note how in six seasons, we have not once snuck a peek of the kitchen in her single-gal apartment.)

Furthermore, Big and Samantha are both outward cynics who affect black holes for hearts but are secret softies in desperate need of innocents to rub up against. No way are they drawn to each other--more like, they reject each other, like two negatively charged electrons.

Yes, I teach a "SATC" grad course at Columbia. Do not mock.

snugbug

@gladys_kravitz: Why so?

@Big Poppa: Maybe both?

@Steverino Begins: I like that plot line except I would prefer if Big TAKES a dump on Samantha.

I think now that everything was basically patched up/resolved in the first movie (five hours later), they should just make a movie where Carrie runs errands, picks up her laundry, etc. There could be a 25 minute scene where she just makes eggs. Then in the last scene, Big dumps her for Samantha.

People always tell me I'm a dead wringer for Kristen Davis (and I'm often confused for her) but I'd much rather be Cynthia Nixon.

@richardmarxhatesmyhair: "Miranda is angrier than ever and now that she's older, becomes a racist." That made me LOL.

@Wrapitup: All of them? People will still be lined up around the block on opening day.

gladys_kravitz

As an honest SATC fan, I just want to say I'm pretty sick of the Big thing. I dunno if I'll even see this next one in the theatres... I feel like I'll be seeing just a really long episode.
If Carrie had any brains she would've left him from the start and found some other dude who would put up with those roots.

I'm curious about this movie's box office prospects. This is the first SATC offering at a time of recession.

The success of the TV show didn't come from the female-bonding per se as much as it came from selling the fantasy of an upscale, glamorous, metropolitan lifestyle to women across the country. How many women will feel inclined to pay to watch an account of the fabulous lives of wealthy, successful Manhattanites when many people today are terrified about whether they can barely hold onto their own socioeconomic status?

This photo gives new meaning to the phrase "Never Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth".

@Lymed: Obviously Hollywood has to wear the veil, he has so much talet designing those silly tiny hats. But what great 80's love song will peak their wedding? "Open Arms"? "Blame It On The Rain"?

@lacieca01: I'm like the character named Orlando from the book by Virginia Woolf by the same name: my sexuality vacillates back and forth now and forever.

@Phyllis Nefler: You're right! I bet the plot line will be Mr. Big loses big on the market and Carrie has to reconcile herself to her former lifestyle.

I just can't think of what story lines they could possibly pursue other than Carrie getting pregnant but they exhausted that with Charlotte already.

@Paddington: You're right! Still Carrie's reality is so far removed from our reality that she comes across more like a cartoon character than a real person. But maybe thats the intent.

@Lymed: Hello Oscar, are you listening?

@wundersmack: Hm, but that would not be a happy ending (for Carrie, and that's all that matters, right?).

Lemme turn this over to Charlie Kaufman for a re-write.

snugbug

@blix: Hollywood marries Stanford in Stanford's home town in Iowa so all the small town Iowan's can gawk at the New Yorkers.

I know the real plot, but DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW:

Samantha o.ds on Boniva when she finds out Smith marries Jennifer Aniston and they adopt every homeless puppy in Brazil.

Miranda is angrier than ever and now that she's older, becomes a racist.

Charlotte, broke from investing all her money with Madoff, retires to Boca where she spends all day playing bunco and tanning with her husband, Harry.

Carrie breaks a hip and fails to make Naturalizer Shoes and nude stockings all the rage. Eats cat food and wears her matted fur in July. Has dreadlocks.

AND SCENE!

@Big Poppa:

Movies about fabulous wealth and people living in hotels, etc., kept by rich men, did wonderfully well during the first Depression.

Paddington

@Lymed: Best Movie Ever. Well, after "The Stepfather" (thanks Lifetime!)

@SidAndFinancy: This one time at a carnival in Wisconsin, I won a necklace just like that by throwing a ring over the neck of a milk bottle.

wundersmack

@Lymed: love you...

Heywoodjablome

@Lymed: If you throw in Meshach Taylor I'll see it.

@Big Poppa: Maybe Mr. Big will actually lose his fortune and he and Carrie will be forced to move in with Miranda in Brooklyn. Samantha will have no clients because of the recession. Miranda's firm will be laying off partners and Charlotte will be working as a waitress at Bunny's country club.

@snugbug: Love this, except I think the ending really should be that Big and Broderick run off together.

wundersmack

@StonedAndDethroned: Wait -- Carrie has a mother? I always thought she emerged fully-formed and tragically single on the streets of Manhattan.

wundersmack

@DahlELama: Now you're talkin'.

wundersmack

@snugbug: I can't stop the bleeding in my brain!

Brian Moylan

@lacieca01: with special guest Kirstie Alley as Pumpkin.

NigelAstydameia

@StonedAndDethroned: I'm sure Carrie's from good stock.

The Lone Scout

Is it too much wishful thinking to hope that this movie features full-front Smith Jarrod shots and maybe some 3D glasses?

DahlELama

@SalomeSandwiches: Only a bit.

The Lone Scout

We'll find out that Samantha is really a mannequin who reunites with her true love, Andrew McCarthy, before deciding to return to Ancient Egypt.

Other pictures online suggest a flashback to her moving to NYC. $20 says we finally get to meet Carrie's mother.

StonedAndDethroned

@snugbug: I think you just tore a hole in the time-space continuum.

@Big Poppa: Since when did you grow a vagina?

I hope Sonia Braga returns. They need that plotline at this point.

@Big Poppa: True, although I'm pre-emptively wincing at whatever their contrived attempt will be to work the recession into the plot.

And then the NEXT sequel can double as a "Golden Girls" reunion!

The One

No. No, no and no. Here's what actually happens to Carrie:

The film opens with her getting a call from her agent, who informs her that her latest book, "Menhattan," was optioned by a Big Studio, and that they want actress Sarah Jessica Parker to play her in the movie. Carrie strongly objects to the idea as she thinks SJP was horrible in "Failure to Launch" and her personal style is "too kooky."

SJP shows up on Carrie’s porch to plead her case. Carrie is charmed by SJP and agrees.

They start shooting the movie, and Carrie runs into SJP’s real-life husband, Matthew Broderick on the set. Love smites them instantaneously and they embark on a torrid affair. The New York Post catches wind of it.

Big is humiliated and divorces Carrie. SJP is also humiliated, and goes to Carrie’s house to confront her, bunny-boiling-style. Knife battle ensues. In the nick of time, both Big and Broderick show up and deftly defuse the situation.

Sarah Jessica Parker then marries Big, and Carrie Bradshaw marries Matthew Broderick.

snugbug

I'm kinda thinking Big dies in the sequel--remember his heart episode in the series? Carrie will grieve in gorgeous black, dark gray, gun metal gray, ad nauseum, then suck it up and write a marvelous new column for Horse & Hounds.

Tattertotter

I usually hate the mean horse jokes, but wow, she looks really rough here.

I'm guessing Samantha gets caught up in a "Skanks of New York" style blog controversy, she sues, and finds out that Miranda or Charlotte were the ones who wrote it.

Oh, wait, Carrie has been calling her a skank in her column all this time. Nevermind.

"A defiant and temperamental Carrie Bradshaw refuses to let anyone ride her until one day Red Pollard, a down-on-his-luck jockey, wanders into the Howard Stable. Red has a gift working with difficult columnists. He and Carrie immediately take to each other, and Smith hires him. Under Tom’s training, Red and Carrie begin winning races and drinking Cosmos."

@TubOfTaft: Oh, I would pay good money to see that.

Brian Moylan

Apparently this scene was shot in Minnesota

[minneapolis.craigslist.org]

TubOfTaft

Winning filly in victory sash attempts to remove blinders.

depardoo

@NigelAstydameia:

a lot of us found the last movie to be incredibly insipid because the girls were so materialistic and self indulged. now that we're in the throes of a recession that whole shtick will come off even worse than before.

@SidAndFinancy: March isn't that far away. She won't have to wait furlong.

SalomeSandwiches

@Big Poppa: Sex and the City: Their Final Destination in 3-D.

TubOfTaft

Call me crazy, but my guess is the plot involves expensive lunches, accessories and cocktails (and cocktail dresses!), some life decisions and crying, and eventually friendship triumphing over all! I admit it's just a hunch!!!

NigelAstydameia

They were filming a scene outside my townhouse at the corner of Sullivan and Houston just yesterday.

The actresses who play Miranda and Charlotte were hailing a cab and got run over by Mac Truck and killed instantly. I hope that isn't a spoiler for anyone.

She should save the shamrock jewelry for St. Paddock's Day.

Maybe, just maybe, the movie will be about how four well-off and very pretty women still find a myriad of small things to complain about in Manhattan, and Samantha will awkwardly joke about getting old, and a passing car will splash a puddle onto Carrie's shoes and she'll turn that into some sad sort of metaphor about Modern Love, and Miranda will just be happy to be there, and then Charlotte will shit her pants again.

@BabyJewn: Carrie and Matthew Broderick abscond to London, as they have become pariahs on the NYC social circuit. She gets a gig with the Telegraph, he hits the boards and exclusively does theater. They start frequenting Harry's Bar and Anabel's and exclusively hanging out with titled types. One night they have a threesome with Prince Harry = the zenith of their social climbery.

SJP and Big retain full custody of the kids and move into a Park Avenue co-op.

There, closure for you.

snugbug