Mysterious ‘Cougar’ Woman Discovered In Middle America
The ‘Cougar’ phenomenon—which never grows old, or loses its journalistic depth—is trickling down to the more…average precincts of American trendwatching. The Wilkes-Barre (PA) Times Leader went “on the prowl” for local cougars, get it? They found one!
Is this probably the greatest small-town newspaper story about Cougars ever written, at least in the Northeastern Pennsylvania region? It is certainly a serious candidate for that honour.
After the laundry, housework and business chores are done, 39-year-old Katie Burnside sometimes will go out on the town to grab a bite to eat and have an adult beverage or two – either with her single girlfriends or her 27-year-old beau.
What sort of whore does that? But god has showered this story with even more blessings:
Burnside embraces the cougar lifestyle so much she’s developed a Web site: www.wercougars.com, set to launch soon, that will be an international online dating service.
“It’ll be elegant,” she said, noting the software program will make sure the grammar is proper and the pictures are tasteful.
WeRCougars.com: Your grammatically correct cougar dating site. This story exists in the real world!
“Cougar” should carry a classy connotation, she believes, noting everything on her Web site, from the logo to the content is “very elegant, clean-cut and classy.”
It will outshine other dating sites out there, she said, noting she finds them “a little lower-end.”
Don’t mess with those other whore sites, she says, in the subtext. Wercougars.com only.
[Actual photo caption in this story: "Katie Burnside by day is a serious professional, but that doesn't mean she can't have fun at night – in a still-wholesome way, she says." Wonderful!]
Elsewhere in cougar journalism, SFGate has a long first-person narrative about attending the Cougar Convention. “This was a Cougar Convention, not a Mensa Convention. A—holes abounded.” The rest is superfluous.
Are there “Cougars” in your small town? Find out!
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@BookishLookish: What hump?
momof3wildkids
@Claire Buoyant: Ah ha - sorry. Of course the local paper casually refers to Dallas thinking that everyone knows they mean Pa. instead of you know, what other people consider Dallas to be. My bad.
@ms_priestypants: and a fading outpost of Industrial Empire.
ms_priestypants
@Richard Petty Bourgeoisie: Regardless, she's CLASSY, and that's what really matters. Because when I think of Wilkes Barre, I think of elegance.
ms_priestypants
@kneetoe: Wherecougar?
There! Therecougar.
Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein, RIP.
BookishLookish
@BookishLookish:
Thank you. You're right, she's not even close to cougar. I word I hate, but then Ms. Burnside is trying to be "elegant and classy."
gonzosmom
@SidAndFinancy: editing to delete double post. Gawker's on the rag 2day.
BookishLookish
@SidAndFinancy: I met Tina L. when I was pregnant with my kid. She is really tall and is still foxy, but she has had a huge amount of plastic surgery. She put her hand on my belly and looked at me sort of amusedly and sort of gravely and said, "Good luck." It was like being blessed by a Santeria priestess--it could go either way...
BookishLookish
@MrInBetween: The first hit on that album: "It Ain't the Years, It's the Miles."
BookishLookish
@BookishLookish: Add glittery cougpires for boxoffice magic.
@MrInBetween: Double post editing...
BookishLookish
@taco-flavored-kisses: judging by this disturbing photo composite I'd say they're going for 40 being the new emaciated 11.
Banjo-Sea Kitten
@taco-flavored-kisses: judging by this disturbing photo composite I'd say they're going for 40 being the new emaciated 11.
Banjo-Sea Kitten
@BookishLookish: "Ten Years of Bad Road" will be the title of my first country album.
@Claire Buoyant: Indeed, Dallas is a small town near my locale. And anyone who grows up in Dallas, PA and moves "up" to Wilke-Barre should be dead by 39, not just look 50+. This woman is a medical phenomenon.
Calling Mark Penn: Wilkes-Barre Cougars are a microtrend!
SultanaEleusis
"Werecougars" would be muuuuch sexier. Half cougar-half werewolf. Kinda like the 1982 version of "Cat People."
Also, cougs start at around age 48, she is way too young to be cougin' it, and the age differential between the coug and the cougee needs to be more substantial. Ten years, even ten years of bad road, is no biggie.
BookishLookish
@Claire Buoyant: But Claire, Faux French-Italian-Deco-Persian has always been the classy standard in suburbia!
@ms_priestypants: Everyone ages differently. She looks like she could be 39 to me.
@Spirit Fingers: ...and 40 year olds must be hitting different parts of town, because 40 is DEFINATELY not the new 20, for God's sake. 40-30 fine. But not 40-20...Jesus, show SOME perspective.
@Fancy Pants: tired ...
@VoxPopuli: The whois record for wercougars.com says the registrant is from Dallas, PA -- so, evidently a small town in Pennsylvania, not the big city in Texas.
So the local fish wrapper somehow discovers the one cougar in the Greater Wilkes-Barre area who just happens to run a new cougar website! Which the fish wrapper lovingly promotes! What are the odds?
I'm sure her and her Levi will be here! [www.timesleader.com]
it's COOL to be "on the square!" bwhahahahahaha!
tailpipebananna
@Richard Petty Bourgeoisie: In any case, lots and lots of young guys have chin fetishes.
@misslinda: I dunno; looking at photos of my classmates on Facebook, one can easily think that some of them are at least a dozen years older than the others even though in reality their ages are very close.
@ms_priestypants: Yeah, in the first picture, I thought, well maybe she's 39. Then I scrolled down to picture two. Oh, fuck no, honey.
Also, she came to PA from Dallas, RP, so not sure if your system works in this case. Can we get some Texas aging experts around here?
@Richard Petty Bourgeoisie: Experience tells me that every time somebody takes the effort to explain their site is "elegant" and "classy," I should expect marble or granite texture with gold highlights and awful script fonts.
What we need is a network TV show combining cougars, vampires and glamping.
Katie Burnside by day is a serious professional, but that doesn't mean she can't have fun at night – in a still-wholesome way
That means the ball gag has a smiley face on it.
BullfightsOnAcid
[cache.gawker.com]" Dear lord in gravy. We won't talk about this, except to say, that this is why no one watches network television. At all.
Spirit Fingers
There is already a website dedicated to ravenous cougars and their admirers. Its called Jezebel.
"An American Wercougar in London"
@ms_priestypants: It's entirely possible Ms. Burnside has led a very rough 39 years.
@misslinda: I hate to sound like a know-it-all, but Northern Pennsylvania years are like dog years. She could, indeed, be 39.
Or this one...
[www.charlestoncitypaper.com]
shehatesme
Hey, everyone, I speak Wilkes-Barrese. When she says her site will be "very elegant, clean-cut and classy" she means "pixelated buttholes unless you buy a Premium Membership."
@ms_priestypants: Agreed. I'm 39, and that ain't what 39 looks like. Miss thang is at least 47.
Thanks for giving my imminent midlife crisis a new raison d'etre.
What about the ladies on The Golden Girls? Are they considered cougars? Do women in the age range of Dorothy, Blanche and rose need another moniker for their sexual appetite? Jaguar? Panther? Leopard? Sounds like Apple OS. Maybe after Snow Leopard Apple will name the next OS Cougar.
Paul.B.Dodd
If that woman is 39, I'll buy her a lifetime supply of Newports.
ms_priestypants
@BookishLookish: Wasn't "Cougin' It" the un-produced sequel to "Cougin's Bluff"? And before you say it, no, not that Coogan.
LutherHonduras
My husband grew up there and his entire family live there and let me say this: this is what passes for attractive up there. Seriously.
I've seen their Sunday paper, and thier section of decorating about made me puke. What passes for "Klassy" up there would make anyone with eyes go blind.
According to Intellius, a people searching engine, said cougar is indeed 39. (assuming her actual name is Kathryn H Burnside)
[www.intelius.com]
One word for Ms Burnside: SUNSCREEN.
momof3wildkids