Jennifer Aniston Must Compete With Gerard Butler’s War Pug
Jennifer Aniston: now eliciting tabloid sympathy. Scott Rudin: still a dick, but a funny one who hates his mother. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart: prisoners of the vampire kingdom, which needs to go. Winehouse: mess-y. Presenting your Monday Morning Gossip Roundup:
- The best part about this Page Six item regarding Jennifer Aniston’s fears and apprehensions over Gerard Butler completely forgetting who she is once they’re done shooting their film is when they refer to Butler’s dog as a “pug of war.” I want a “pug of war.” Also, the way the tabloids have gone from writing about Jennifer Aniston in the mean ha-ha way to writing about Aniston in the “oh, god, her love is such a mess we almost feel bad” way is almost worse, now. [Page Six]
- Well, Page Six pulled one of the better, more hysterical Scott Rudin stories I’ve ever heard. LOL-worthy stuff, this is:
“As we sped along the expressway, Scott’s phone buzzed,” writes Rudnick. “He answered it, and his face became a mask of rage. He yelled, ‘How did you get this number?’ and hurled the phone at the windshield. ‘Who was it?’ I asked. ‘My mother,’ he replied, instantly calm.”
My feelings exactly. Scott Rudin’s just a tortured Jewish kid, get it? [Page Six]
- Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart hate the paparazzi. Like, hate them. The paps are holding Pats and K-Stew prisoner in their lives. [Showbiz Spy]
- Meanwhile, Kristen Stewart finally admits that she understands the formula making Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series so resonate amongst hypnotised teenagers: Vampires are sexy. Yes, and also, blood-sucking, money-sucking, and sleazy. Can we start the anti-vampire movement, here? Not the we-hate-vampires thing in True Blood, but more like the Vampires Suck Categorically More Than They Do, Literally movement. We should just move on to robots, or something equally ridiculous. Please. [Showbiz Spy]
- Chris Brown is going to, uh, have dance parties to repent for his bout of domestic violence? He can maybe invent a new dance, something like the Soulja Boy, but far slicker. You know how the moonwalk makes someone look like they’re not really moving? Chris Brown can do that, except instead of taking him off the stage, he could slide into obscurity incredibly smoothly. [NYDN]
- How can LeAnn Rimes live without you, or her ex? Pretty easily, apparently. She misspelled the name of her ex on an annoucement to her fans on her website. FAIL. [Page Six]
- Amy Winhouse may or may not be back with Blake, the crackhead ex-husband with whom she shares an intensely sadomasochistic relationship with. This is the kind of thing that could produce a great Winehouse album, which I’m convinced she still has in her. [Showbiz Spy]
- Rumer Willis wants a family reunion on screen with Demi, Bruce, and herself. Sure, whatever, just leave Koosher out of it. Also, this could make a great final chapter in the Die Hard franchise. [People]
- The Hanson bros are basically like, the Jonas Bros jacked out act. TRUTH. [TMZ]
- Audrina Patridge, the salutatorian of The Hills, is gearing up for her own “spicier, edgier, older” television show after “graduating” from The Hills. I wonder what that commencement speech sounds like. [People]
- Michaela Watkins: fired from SNL. EW gets the first interview where she admits that she doesn’t know what Lorne Michaels was thinking, but he did tell her that she deserves her own show. Which, yes, is probably what he says to everyone when he cans them. Including his support staff. [EW]
- Ashlee Simpson, whose name I hate spelling out because it makes me feel like I’ve been netted in a wide conspiracy to make the universe far stupider than it was two minutes ago, tells Rachel Ray that she could “do the splits” when she was preggers. And how, exactly, did she know this? [US]
- Jon Gosselin’s grandmother fell in the driveway of the Gosselin complex and had to be taken to the hospital. [People]
audrina patridge
bruce willis
chris brown
demi moore
gerard butler
gossip roundup
hanson
jennifer aniston
jon gosselin
jonas brothers
kristen stewart
leann rimes
robert pattinson
rumer willis
scott rudin
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
Let's hope they never make that winking, smirking and insidery dysfunctional family Thanksgiving movie featuring the Willises and Koosher. Shuddering to think...
Banjo-Sea Kitten
Once again, "Amy Winhouse", if not deliberate, is a fantastic typo. Trust your unconscious, Foster.
No need to start a vampire lit hate club. Just keep calling the genre's high priestess Stephanie Meyer and it will cause all her readership to self-combust in indignation.
snugbug
Even better for the Aniston story: The pug is named "Lolita!"
It's always a younger and hotter female causing havoc for Maniston.
Quick question, all: having some image issues on my end. Can you guys see my War Pug?
@Foster Kamer: I had to click on it and then could see it, but it is a blue question mark on my page.
Generals gathered in their masses
Just like witches at black masses
Evil minds that plot destruction
Sorcerers of deaths construction
In the fields the bodies burning
As the war machine keeps turning
Death and hatred to mankind
Poisoning their brainwashed minds, oh lord yeah!
Politicians hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to the poor
Time will tell on their power minds
Making war just for fun
Treating people just like pawns in chess
Wait till their judgement day comes, yeah!
Now in darkness, world stops turning
As the war machine keeps burning
No more war pugs of the power
Hand of God has struck the hour
Day of judgment, God is calling
On their knees, the war pugs crawling
Begging mercy for their sins
Satan, laughing, spreads his wings
All right now!
@Foster Kamer: Not here.
SaraRueful
@Foster Kamer: No, but I can imagine it.
snugbug
@snugbug: Godamnit. Asheville, North Carolina has lots of nice things, but good internet ain't one of them. Maybe that's why all these people are so goddamn relaxed. Or it's all the Blue Ridge Devil Weed. Either way: thanks. Working on fixing..
@Foster: I'm on Firefox and only a solid gray line shows up in the blog post, but if you click on it, the image opens up.
snugbug
@Foster Kamer: I clicked on the little red x and there she is. Darling.
Banjo-Sea Kitten
@Banjo-Sea Kitten: Thanks for giving them the idea. Sheesh.
Cunning_Linguist
Naturally, Gerard prefers the company of his War Pug. It yaps in just one key.
@the Toned-Tittied One?
snugbug
@Foster Kamer: most of the Pugs I have had the pleasure of knowing are passivists, however. I wouldn't want any lazy reader to get the wrong idea.
Banjo-Sea Kitten
@Foster Kamer: Hah! I had to click to see it (I also get the blue question mark), but it was totally worthwhile.
Caius
What is the deal with Jen? She's just not letting go of the inner Rachel.
Martiniman
@MrInBetween: You guys are on fire today. Thank you for making me LOL.
@Martiniman: YES.
@Foster Kamer:
Maybe if I repost it here, people will see it while you fix.
@VoxPopuli: Much appreciated. There he is! We should name him. Gen. Eisenhowler?
SO, SO pissed about Watkins's firing. She turned a character I would normally hate (the Bitch Pleeze blogger) into someone who made me crack up for reasons I could not explain every damn time. Plus, Hoda freakin' Kotb! WTF! Ugh, I hope she gets her own show and then some.
DahlELama
@Foster Kamer: General Pug-traeus.
That's a bitchin' tank he's got. It's like "Art Tank."
@PaisleyPajamas: Gen. Wesley Bark
@Foster Kamer: Commander in Chief, Bark-rak O-Bow-wow-ma.
Footnote: Whom I voted for, kthxbai.
@DahlELama: I couldn't agree more. Jessica Rabbit? Barbie on her 50th birthday trying to mix a cocktail with arms that won't bend? Third time's the charm and in the footprints of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler she land well.
@lionboy: Amen.
@lionboy: Amen.
PS: innneresting. I can no longer promote comments? But I get to keep my star? I feel like an honour student with detention; this shit JUST AIN'T RIGHT!
Also; calling bullshit on the RPatz story again: there is no screaming mob outside the hotel. It's all PR.
@Foster Kamer: Patton behind the ears
@Foster Kamer: General Robert E. Pee
@Foster Kamer: William Tecumdrinksoutofthetoiletseh Sherman