Fat Or Thin, Mary-Kate Just Can’t Win
Remember the prolonged outrage-masked-as-concern over Mary-Kate Olsen’s shrinking body? Well, it’s back, but this time its directed toward her fleshy frame. What’s the poor thing gotta do to keep the tabloids off her back?
Our very own NW has a cover with the star looking like she’s put on a few kilos. Given all that talk of anorexia a few years ago, you’d think that would be good, right? Wrong! The caption looks forward to the day she gets “healthy.” Just last Wednesday Star also did the “Mary-Kate is fat” story, calling her weight gain shocking and saying “bye-bye billion dollar looks, hello bloat”.
Star has a long history of railing on Mary-Kate’s weight. It started in 2004, when they ran a cover saying she was too thin because of drugs.
They finally believed the actress’ claims of anorexia in 2007 (see cover above), but did so by chastising her “stick thin legs” and wondering what is the best way to get her back to health.
Then, in 2008, they did an about face, saying she’s headed back to rehab because of drinking and drugs.
There are really only six stories in a gossip glossy: diet (either too skinny or too fat), drugs, boyfriends, weddings, pregnancy and deaths. So just wait, they’re soon going to say that the “bloat” is from drugs or bulimia or pregnancy or (gasp) all three! Maybe if everyone wasn’t so obsessed with what she’s eating, her weight would even itself out naturally. Why not go after Jonah Hill. He’s overweight and probably much more in danger of a heart attack than Mary-Kate is in danger of anything other than wearing a bad outfit.
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@Nice Beaver: Dude, that's *so* sick.
"What's happened to Mary-Kate"? Whatever she damn well pleases! She's a multi-gazillionaire.
wundersmack
"Maybe if everyone wasn't so obsessed with what she's eating, her weight would even itself out naturally."
And maybe pigs will start sky diving.
Lulupasternak
Well?! Was Britney a sexaholic?
If we're voting, she looks MUCH hotter in the skinny legs with the fuck-me heels than the Kathleen Turner face. Thanks.
jbk
@scroll_lock: HAHAHAHA.
Beppo
I blame the NYTimes article on MK & Ash for reminding Star that they still exist. Or else, and I am not kidding you, I believe they have a permanent rotation of celebs they label "headed for rehab" or "anorexic."
@Gabriel Snyder: I'm sure if you'd let him tell you the whole story you'd see how heartwarming it is.
@Cicada: Oh, you'd change your mind once you got a glimpse of their giant schlongs and Ed Hardy gear.
@Nice Beaver: Yes, a rape joke is going to get you banned.
@Encantada: I think you catch my drift ; )
@Nice Beaver: You mean, abduct her and hold her hostage while you rape and impregnate her throughout her adolescence and young adulthood, forcing her to live in a squalid backyard without access to education or medical attention? Do you have a sister? Children of your own? You really need help, but in the meantime you should be banned from this site.
Encantada
Thank you Star magazine editors, for affirming my misanthropy.
@Paul.B.Dodd: I was thinking Zelda Rubinstein
trucha
The Enquirer's lead story is about John Edwards's love child's love/hate relationship with strained peas.
More importantly, what are my odds in that $50K prize deal?
@LatestBy: Odd that there's only the one story for that tag, because that person sounds much more interesting.
And yet, Laurel and Hardy remain comedic geniuses 'til this day. Bastards.
She kind of looked like a blonde Delta Burke in that picture. I can dig it.
Paul.B.Dodd
I'm really concerned about James Gandolfini. Seriously, how many calories a day is that fat ass hoarding?
What's Kathleen Turner doing on the cover of an Aussie tabloid?
Oh the horror, MK looks like an adult instead of a 12-year-old girl. Now if she could only get that Heath Ledger dot and white rectangle removed from her breasts...
(last Star cover)
Forget Mary-Kate, can we talk about how bloated that Mark-Kate person in the tag looks?
Let the girl eat ousecream [sic] if she wants!
hilikusopus
Yowzah! Her new fleshy look is makin' me wanna "keep her out back in a series of sheds for 18 years" if ya know what I mean.
Whenever she feels bloated, she can add an Ashley name tag to her ensemble.
TubOfTaft
Mary Kate is looking like my Great Aunt Bertha. They dress the same too.