A Shot At Punitive Damages With Tila Tequila Season Ends Abruptly

Tila Tequila’s domestic abuse squabble gets drunk and puked out by the D.A. Anna Wintour gets stalked by teenage crazies. Mischa Barton channels Marissa Cooper. Mayor Bloomberg might know about Lady Gaga’s peener. Presenting your Sunday Gossip Roundup.

• As predicted, the DA dropped the charges against Shawne Merriman alleging that he’d physically abused Tila Tequila late one night last week. Because, really, when was the last time someone with the surname “Tequila” was a credible witness? Guilty until proven Herradura, at least. Meanwhile, Merriman continues on his jolly way back to the first week of the NFL season, where he will take place in a delicate sport populated by upstanding young men whose clean-cut reputation for this kind of thing moves further along. Oh, and lesson for all of you: don’t go crazy on Twitter next time you get cops involved. Because it just means you’re guilty or lying. [NYDN]

• Oh, and it sounds like Merriman proposed to have a foursome with him, Tequila (Tila), and two other women, who he had over at his house when Ms. Tequila showed up. At the time, Tila went batshit like any girlfriend reasonably would, and Merriman had to restrain her, and there’s a one week gossip cycle. Next. [NYP]
• Heh. Anna Wintour totally got stalked by fans on Fashion’s Night Out. She’s bona fide! Apparently, she kept her cool when someone screamed at her about fur and also ran in heels down the street with her team chasing her, while fans tagged along. She lost it when trying to sign a shirt—a t-shirt?!?—with a sharpie. She got pissed at her staff, but really, she should be far more concerned that she comes after an item about someone with the surname Tequila. [Page Six]
• Aw. Bill Clinton had dinner with Chelsea and Laura Ling, who he rescued by swinging into North Korea, punching Kim Jong-Il in the face, grabbing onto a vine and Euna Lee, and swinging onto safe territory. Remember that? [Page Six]
• Charlie Sheen still thinks 9/11 was masterminded by George W. Bush and other evil forces. The funny thing is, if 9/11 was an inside job, the same people who are responsible for Two and a Half Men probably have something to do with it. Evil comes in all forms. Also, Charlie Sheen, WTF are you doing hanging out with a bunch of Salinger back-pocketing conspiracy theorists? Is this what happens when you’ve domestically abused every possible spouse in Hollywood? Dude, go to brunch at The Griddle or something. Like, get outside, you’ve got the money. Seriously. [NYDN]
• Mischa Barton told The View that intense pain from a wisdom teeth operation paired with mild painkiller use basically landed her in a psych ward. Basically, best excuse for going off your meds, like, ev-ar. Also: Marissa Cooper lives. [NYDN]
• Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler—and again, when did this guy become a movie star?—are maybe dating or maybe not, and the daily news has more speculation, but Christ, you need to see the photo that accompanies this Daily News story about it. Too much. Seriously. Too much. Also, if we’re going to hear blind speculation on the nature of a relationship we really don’t care about over and over again like this, the Post and the Daily News should at least put out betting lines on it. I wouldn’t feel too bad making money over this. [NYDN]
• Jay-Z had a concert last night, and basically brought everyone in the rap business, New York, and The Electric Company out on stage with him. [NYDN]
• Speaking of “Run This Town,” celebrity hooker Ashley Dupre was on the scene with Russel Simmons last night at a screening of the ultimate Save The Dolphins documentary “The Cove” last night. She’s apparently doing yoga with Russell Simmons, who is, well, doing yoga with Ashley Dupre. [NYP]