Attention Gossip Mags: Tina Sparkle Is Demon Free, Thanks Very Much!

Yet another reason why no one in their right mind would want to be truly famous – you can’t enjoy the wacky roller coaster of emotions that is typically associated with a marriage break up privately, oh no. Expect to see yourself on the front cover of a national magazine alongside the word “DEMONS!”. Sonia Kruger, back me up here…

From Sydney Confidential:

Sonia Kruger has been bewildered by a report stating she is suffering a mid-life crisis and is so close to breaking point that she doesn’t eat on weekends and has lost a dramatic amount of weight.

The Channel 7 host was confronted by a front page story in Women’s Day yesterday declaring “demons are driving her” towards a meltdown, and claiming that her new relationship with Today Tonight producer Craig McPherson was under strain.

BUT WHAT OF THE CLAIMS YOU EAT ROAST CHICKENS, SONIA?

“Yes I have bought roast chickens, but not as part of a high-protein Atkins diet regime,” she said. “I just like them.

EVERYBODY KNOWS ROAST CHICKENS ARE THE DINNER OF CHOICE FOR DEMONIC CREATURES OF DARKNESS! EXPECT TO SEE SONIA KRUGER BARRICADING HERSELF INSIDE A RED ROOSTER WITHIN THE NEXT FEW DAYS! TEARING CHOOK CARCASSES APART WITH HER TEETH WHILE CRYING ABOUT LOST LOVERS AND HER LITTLE DOG SERGEI! SPEAKING IN LATIN! IT’LL HAPPEN! IT’S THE PLOT OF THE NEXT DAN BROWN BOOK!

Expect to read more about Sonia’s Red Rooster takeover in next week’s Woman’s Day… but remember, you heard it here first!

MORE: Sonia Kruger laughing off the lies about weight, meltdown