A Lengthy Rant About Radio

WARNING – THESIS LENGTH BLOG ENTRY AHEAD. THOSE WHO COULD NOT BE LESS INTERESTED IN YOUR EDITORS THOUGHTS ABOUT RADIO ARE WARNED TO AVOID CLICKING ‘MORE’ AND INSTEAD WAIT FOR MORE VIDEOS OF JAPANESE GAME SHOWS FEATURING AMUSING CATS.

I guess before I begin this lengthy opinion piece about the state of Australian radio, I should declare for the record my own experiences in broadcasting. As far as community radio goes, I have hosted a weekly show on Melbourne’s 3RRR since 2006, I was a pop culture commentator on 3RRR and 2SER before that, and I also deliver my version of TV reviews on RRR’s Breakfasters program every Monday. I do a weekly segment on 720 ABC Perth’s Drive program, and from late 2006 until late last year I did mid-dawns and holiday fills (at reasonable hours!) on Triple J as well as appearing as a weekly guest on both Triple J’s Drive and Breakfast shows. In 2007 I worked as an online producer for 774 ABC Melbourne and had the privilege of working with some fantastic on air talent, some not-so-fantastic on air talent, and some truly brilliant producers. In addition to that, I’ve been interviewed on numerous commercial radio stations over the years. I’m telling you this because many years ago, I penned a rant about Australian radio solely from the perspective of a listener. Five years on, I think I’ve gained some valuable insight when it comes to how radio shows are put together, and my own experiences behind a microphone will undoubtedly have influenced my views, so it’s worth keeping all that in mind when you read the following.

While I proudly work for one of Australia’s finest community radio stations, I’d like to start off by saying I have nothing against commercial radio. No, really. Different strokes for different folks, and all that. I love decent pop music – and personally, I am particularly partial to the classic hits format of stations like Gold and WSFM – and I’ll even begrudgingly acknowledge that bands experiencing a massive wave of popularity with record buying teens like Short Stack need a home on the airwaves, so I’m absolutely fine with the existence of commercial radio. I just wish the commercial radio announcers weren’t so goddamn awful most of the time.

About five or so years ago when I was still living in Sydney, I was unfortunate enough to stumble across Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O’s Drive program (I’m not sure if they actually had a Drive program or if “highlights” of their show were being replayed in the afternoon, but either way I was most definitely heading home from work on a bus, so let’s move on). Kyle was questioning Jackie O about her first sexual experience. Evidently, Jackie O had lost her virginity on a park bench or something like that. But wait for it, cos here comes the twist! The whole time Jackie O was being “forced” to retell this story, Kyle had her mother on the line listening to the whole thing! AMAZING! HILARIOUS! YOU CAN SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE, CAN’T YOU?

I remember at the time thinking to myself “My god, do these people actually get paid to produce such indulgent, childish radio? Why won’t they stop talking and play some goddamn music?”

Choice is a wonderful thing, so I made the decision to change the station because clearly 2Day FM was going to make my ears bleed, and I don’t think I’ve listened to much of Austereo since. And as the years went on and more of Kyle and Jackie O’s on air antics made the papers, my decision to avoid Austereo like the plague was proven beyond all doubt to be a wise one. And I don’t just mean as a listener – there was a point where I was asked if I’d be interested in appearing on air as a gossip guru across the Austereo network by a very lovely woman who worked for them, and as much as the idea of making some decent and very easy money was appealing to someone like me who is so very hopeless when it comes to personal finances, I just couldn’t pursue the idea. As far as I’m concerned, “selling out” isn’t going to a commercial radio station – it’s taking the money and ignoring the fact you’re participating in something you don’t believe in and cannot be proud of.

While Kyle and Jackie O’s latest stunt is obviously the straw that broke the camels back as far as the public is concerned, these two have been making an absolute mint for an astoundingly long time by proudly and consistently delivering vile and nasty radio. And yeah, I’ll admit that the Kyle and Jackie O show rates well. But you know what? Channel Nine could broadcast footage of Bert Newton eating his own faeces and it’d probably rate well – does that mean they should do it? Do the number of idiots willing to bear witness to such a revolting thing justify the act of giving them the opportunity to do so? Course not.

You don’t have to cater to the lowest common denominator in order to grab the attention of a massive portion of the listening public. Look at Hamish and Andy – they continually pound their opposition in the ratings, and do you know why? Because they’re excellent talent, and that’s really all you need. I don’t know a single person who hears the names Hamish and Andy and immediately thinks “What total fuckheads”. Even the hippest of indie kids, the grubbiest of rock pigs, the most straight-laced parental types, likes them. They’re good blokes. They don’t rely on humiliating listeners and childish stunts in order to make a buck.

The same clearly cannot be said for the likes of Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O. And do you know why? Because the brutal truth is, they’re just not talented enough to engage audiences without the aid of ridiculous – and often cruel – pranks. They are not particularly funny or clever people, so they need to rely on revolting on air antics in order to keep their listeners entertained. And because they still delivered the all-important ratings, no one at Austereo ever stepped in and told them they’d gone too far.

But the trouble with producing this kind of radio is that as time goes on, you need to keep upping the ante. Your antics need to be more spectacular, more shocking, and more outrageous in order for your show to keep listeners – the listeners you’ve spent years dumbing down – interested. And eventually things keep escalating to the point where someone suggests strapping a fourteen year old girl to a lie detector machine in order to ask her about her sex life, and no one at the station stops it from happening. No one questions the wisdom of such an act, because everyone has gradually become desensitised through years of pushing – nay, bulldozing – the boundaries of good taste.

Most of the blame for Austereo’s latest woes has been laid squarely at Kyle Sandilands’ feet, with many people saying “Oh, Jackie tried to stop it. She stepped in and offered the girl counselling! She didn’t know what was going to happen, she’s the nice one!” What complete and utter bollocks. Jackie O has spent her entire radio career being a willing participant in precisely these kinds of acts, and just because she’s playing Good Cop to Kyle’s Bad Cop doesn’t make her an angel. If she had any credibility at all, she would have walked away years ago. Maybe she wasn’t the one to utter the immortal words “Right. And is that the only experience you’ve had?” to a teenage rape victim, but you’d better believe her hands are dirty after years of flailing about in the mud.

Last week, Nova breakfast host Meshell Laurie said on Twitter “I just passionately believe that commercial radio doesn’t have to be vile. It can be smart and creative if you give it a chance.” I couldn’t agree more. And now is the perfect chance for all broadcasters around the country to take a moment and reassess what they’re doing on air. Forget the money – are you proud of what you’re putting out into the world? Because if you even hesitate for a moment when answering, perhaps it’s time to look at ways to improve the quality of what you’re delivering to the listening audience. Everyone involved in the media has to take a certain amount of responsibility when it comes to what we offer up for public consumption. Instead of competing in order to attract the kinds of human beings willing to bear witness to the degradation of another for entertainment’s sake, we can lead by example and help shape the tastes of society through what we do.

I know that sounds incredibly pompous and self-righteous, but I hope you get what I’m saying. I’m not asking for Australian television and radio to become a land of rainbows and fluffy kittens (although has anyone actually pitched that show to Channel Seven?), I simply believe this country can produce clever, funny, and insightful programs for both mediums when we put our minds to it, and I’d like to see more of it.

I’d also like to add that as far as Defamer Australia goes… from the very early days of starting the site, I made a conscious decision to try and make this a place where pop culture and gossip junkies can get a fix without feeling dirty or cheap afterwards. I don’t always get it right – lord knows there are some things I’ve written about people over the years that I probably wouldn’t say now that I’m a little older and wiser – but my heart has always been in the right place. Perhaps at the expense of cheap hits, but whatever. I truly believe it’s possible to be entertaining and hopefully amusing without it being at the expense of another human being. At the very least, we owe it to ourselves to try.

THE END.