What Could Be Better Than An Asteroids Movie?
Actresses make a lot of money. As do movie studios who adapt video games into terrible movies. A great actor died, a promising actress takes wing, and new reality shows make us want to do terrorism.
Adam Sandler’s hilarious-sounding new comedy Grown Ups has been moved from March of 2010 to a plum June slot. It’s pushed out Seth Rogen’s sure-to-be laugh riot and action packed thrill ride The Green Hornet, which has been moved to July. Man, studios just keep making such great movies. [Variety]
Feeling bad about your salary? Prepare to feel worse. Angelika Jorlemon, the wife-ish of actor Bradley Jane Pitt, earned some $27 million last year, making her the grossingest of all Hollywood actresses. Awkwardly, Jennifer Aniston, Bradley’s ruined and Havisham-esque ex-wife, came in at number two. She made $25 million. Third was none other than oldie but greaty Meryl Streep, who pulled in a cool $24 million due to her Mamma Mia! success. Sigh. [THR]
ABC wants to see comedians, often a fat and inactive bunch, run. They’re going ahead on The Fast and the Funniest, about comedians racing across the county in a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World-style competition. Actually, I like to think it’s more like Wacky Races. [Variety]
Apparently four different studios were fighting over Asteroids. Yeah, Asteroids. Like, the Atari video game that’s basically one pixel firing mini-pixels at another pixel. I can’t wait for the movie, which Universal will make. Shia LaBeouf better star. I hope Shia LaBeouf stars in everything for the rest of forever. I hope Shia LaBeouf marries me. [THR]
Watch out, terrorists. NBC is looking for you. On July 20th they’ll role out the first hour of a potential new series called The Wanted, which is a docu sorta thing about finding international blower uppers of things. The original title, Everyone Hates Muslims, was deemed too flat. [Variety]
Oh, sad. Harve Presnell, who played Jean Lundegaard’s dad in Fargo, has died at age 75. The Broadway singer suffered from pancreatic cancer and passed away in Santa Monica. [THR]
Ha ha hm… We’re not getting sick of him or anything, we swears. Neil Patrick Harris is in talks to host the Emmy Awards this year. Because he’s charming! And a gay person! And maybe he’ll sing! But he’s also so… overdone at this point, isn’t he? Isn’t he? [Variety]
You can’t fight the moonlight and you evidently can’t fight Piper Perabo. The Coyote Ugly actress has been cast as a whip-smart CIA operative in the developing series Covert Affairs. So she’ll be a tough/smart babe like Mary McCormack in In Plain Sight but a spy like Not Guy Pearce in Burn Notice. Good for you, though, Pipes. I saw you in reasons to be pretty on the off-Broadway and you did pretty good, kid. [THR]
Oh, and Hilary Duff is gonna be on Gossiping Girls. Playing a movie star. Who lives with Vanessa. I just fell down. [EW]
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@rudi_freude: That was... pretty good!
SisterSonny
@blix: I see Emile Hirsch in Dig Dug.
-So she'll be a tough/smart babe like Mary McCormack in In Plain Sight but a spy like Not Guy Pearce in Burn Notice. Consolidation, USA! And synergy! Always with the synergy!-
/more like SYZYGY.
//Hollywood standard
///TV staple
1wish2fish
Oh my God ... "Not Guy Pearce" ... you kill me, Richard. Since that show started airing commercials a few years back I keep thinking of Guy Pearce whenever that what's-his-name comes on.
I want over exposure on NPH. If he can prove to the closet cases in Hollywood that they can indeed come out and remain successful year after year maybe a few of them will accidentally come out while drunk or trying to escape a K hole.
@Steverino Begins:
I'd watch it but I'm sure that merciless laughing dog would be it in.
what would be better? TWO of them, obvs
ArnoldJulisa
In a world where creatures of terror are inhabiting the skies like never before. Your only friend is man's best friend. You keep him close. You keep your shotgun closer.
DUCK HUNT
2012
@MisterHippity:
That's the very one I had in mind, MisterHippity.
rudi_freude
@MisterHippity:
How could you tell she was terrible, considering that, you know, the entire movie sucked?
Ken Green
@DennyCrane:
+ Watch video
@MisterHippity: Dammit, why didn't that work? Ok, I'm gonna try that again ...
You want them to make a movie out of THIS game?
@rudi_freude: Replace Keanu Reeves with the equally lifeless Jonathan Rhys Meyers and I think you have a Woody Allen vehicle. Oh, wait, Match Point already happened?
DeltaGuy
@rudi_freude: Oh, so what you mean is: You want them to make a movie out of THIS game?
Piper Perabo also played a whip-smart FBI operative "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle."
She was actually pretty terrible in it. I know, because I watched it on cable last night.
Also: international blowers upper.
You're welcome.
I just can't swallow skinny Seth Rogen. I'll wait till he fluffs up again.
@nozer: Or two Lindsay Lohans a la "Parent Trap"
Bubble Bobble starring either the Olsen twins or the Duff sisters.
That NBC terrorists show is yet another prophecy from Network about the media becoming true.
It is a shame that the public is dumb enough not to scream, "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
Isn't playing a movie star a little out of Hillary's league?
pattycakes
I would actually go see Michael Bay's Galaxian. In fact, that's the only Michael Bay movie I'd go to see.
In fact, I'd even go see the sequel, Brett Ratner's Galaga.
@Inescapeable Picnic: Jim Carrey is Centipede.
@DennyCrane: I imagine Robert Downey Jr. for some reason.
Wow, Gossip Girl gets original.
But can Manny Pacquiao act?
rudi_freude
@choinski:
(I guess that didn't work)
" " , ""
choinski
I'm really just waiting for Pac Man: the movie.
, Please.
choinski
Who will fill the role of Dick Dastardly? I already envision Dane cook as Muttely, riding in the sidecar and all.
xhack
@92BuickLeSabre: Dude, you can get in trouble for posting copyrighted scripts on the internet.
Perhaps Not
I literally just wrote a development pitch for 'Fast and the Funniest' that was passed on by Comedy Central, and heard about this show today.
I'm wondering if they passed because they knew about this.
Failstration.
Still waiting on the exstential thinkpiece that would be "Pong: The Movie".
"I am a ball... a dot, really. I find myself battered between two forces, neither here nor there. My ghost image is the only evidence I existed. I am a ball...a dot, really."
Fin.
Ken Green
@rudi_freude: *sigh* I'd watch it.
*hangs head in shame*
I'm still holding out for the "Tetris" movie with Keanu Reeves and Scarlett Johanssen portraying lifeless, two-dimensional angular shapes looking for the perfect "fit".
rudi_freude
I think you misread something. Moneyball had its title changed to Ah, Steroids. No one would make an Asteroids movie. It would have such a deep impact on a studio, it would be box office armageddon.
"Spin left! Spin right! Back up! Move forward! Fire! Fire! Fire! Slow down! We're vanishing! We've re-appeared on the other side of the universe! Slow down! Move forward! Fire! Fire! Fire!"
HOw the F did Aniston earn 25 mill? She sucks, her movies suck, who the hell keeps paying her crazy money??
NPH can do anything as far as I'm concerned. I want him to MC my wedding, to him.
secretagentman
Q*bert. A Streisand vehicle.