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The Onion’s CEO Orders More Pandering To Advertisers

By Ryan Tate on July 10, 2009 at 4:27 AM

The Onion is hurting badly. To survive, the publication must cave to advertisers, CEO Steve Hannah has declared in a memo to staff, which we’ve obtained and reproduced after the jump.

You may recall that the multimedia humour juggernaut killed two of its local print editions in May. The move came amid a “very rough first half of the year,” as Hannah puts it in his memo, and a total of $US6 million in cost reductions.

Things aren’t getting better. The paper laid off five sales people last week; advertising remains scant. Hannah, a former Milwaukee Journal managing editor and PR consultant, writes that the quality of the Onion’s writing and videos “is no longer the competitive advantage it once was.”

So it’s time to cozy up to the money:

Saying “no” to an advertiser whose desires don’t exactly match your wishes is a losing game. We either change (and we intend to do it in a smart way) the way we do business, or we don’t have a business.

There, I’ve said it.

We’d insert a joke here about how no one will ever be able to trust fake journalism again, but we know especially well that people do expect some integrity in their entertainment. Bill Hicks was on to something. (And after reading a projecty tweet from an Onion editor, we’re guessing some of them feel the same way.)

Memo:

Tagged:

Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)

  • kookla
    July 10, 2009 at 8:51 AM
    @snugbug: Change is good?
  • Mo MoDo
    July 10, 2009 at 8:25 AM
    You do product placements ala 30 Rock and mock the fact that you have sold your soul.
  • haikumaster
    July 10, 2009 at 6:54 AM
    Maybe it's just that / people are really tired of / their jejune satire

    haikumaster

  • cockfightbarmitzvah
    July 10, 2009 at 6:50 AM
    Well shiiiiiat. This local man intends to pick up a copy of the Onion in NYC tonight and patronize as many of their advertisers as possible over the weekend.
  • SarahHeartburn
    July 10, 2009 at 6:23 AM
    How about they get funnier? The news videos are often brilliant, but the stories are getting lamer. I think they peaked with "Holy Fucking Shit, America Under Attack"

    SarahHeartburn

  • Daveed
    July 10, 2009 at 6:16 AM
    @lobstr: When I moved to NY 4 years ago, I kept telling everyone, Hey Look! There's a print version of the onion!! Imagine that!

    Daveed

  • maevemealone
    July 10, 2009 at 5:58 AM
    As long as they don't cut their softball team. We beat them every time.
  • hilikusopus
    July 10, 2009 at 5:42 AM
    Sorry. Having serious technical difficulty embedding video!
  • lil red
    July 10, 2009 at 5:41 AM
    @lobstr: Yeah, I think you are right, they probably could do away with print. I picked up a copy the other day and the person I was with thought I was stealing it, because I didn't pay for it-so...even in the cities that have it out free on display, many have the idea that you have to buy it and don't bother to pick it up.
  • hilikusopus
    July 10, 2009 at 5:39 AM
    If anybody knows the value of pandering to one's benefactors, it's the people at The Onion.
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  • Ryan Tate
    July 10, 2009 at 5:34 AM
    @Ryan Tate:
  • Ryan Tate
    July 10, 2009 at 5:32 AM
    Our system isn't allowing me to post working image urls so maybe the comments will work
  • Ryan Tate
    July 10, 2009 at 5:31 AM
    We're having some kind of severe tech issue. The memo is here: http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/2009/07/custom_1247167342548_FirefoxScreenSnapz002_03.jpg http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/2009/07/custom_1247167372726_FirefoxScreenSnapz003_02.jpg
  • Go Like Hell Machine
    July 10, 2009 at 5:23 AM
    @lobstr: I think you're probably right, outside of Denver. Here, however, I simply can't imagine going to a bar and not having a copy of it to snicker at while getting snockered.
  • Ryan Tate
    July 10, 2009 at 5:20 AM
    Original version of this post had a missing chunk of the memo. The full thing is there now -- and in a less annoying size.
  • MissPeacock
    July 10, 2009 at 5:17 AM
    @snugbug: Hearted.

    MissPeacock

  • johnnypotatoes
    July 10, 2009 at 5:17 AM
    Because of the usual PR weaselspeak in that memo, I guess I don't get it. Does that mean that AV will give positive reviews to bad movies advertised in the paper? That the fake news stories won't make fun of advertisers? What does "desires don't exactly match your wishes" mean? What does "do it in a smart way" mean? Do WHAT in a smart way, and what is "smart? This drone might as well have written the memo an Arabic.
  • SpyMagician
    July 10, 2009 at 5:15 AM
    Laser vaginal rejuvenation ads? Asian hooker massage parlor ads?
  • SpyMagician
    July 10, 2009 at 5:14 AM
    I knew something was up. If you check their contact page: http://www.theonion.com/content/contact_us There are two big "tells" that something like this was coming. First, they are publicly listing their public relations agency which is something they have never done before. Second, the staff for the online video arm "Onion News Network" is now clearly overshadowing the dead-trees editorial staff. Paradigm shift.
  • snugbug
    July 10, 2009 at 5:12 AM
    @kookla: This is definitely the wittiest comment I've ever read in my life. You, Madam/Sir, truly deserve that star. PS: Honestly, no personal offense intended, and sorry for singling out your Gawker profile as a vehicle for my venting, but I just simply LOATHE this new emphasis on a "commenting" hierarchy and the new rules they just imposed around these parts. I've been coming here to have fun in the company of quick-witted, pop culture-savvy fellow unemployed journalists, and perhaps learn a new thing or two while being amused. Now it's all turned into a competitive and unpleasant experience. I hope the move ups Gawker ad revenue, or their profile as an respected online venue, or whateversville. Just saying it's astonishing how, for this here humble Gawker reader (who NEVER, EVER, clicked on any ads, BTW. Sorry!), gawker-ing went from "fun" to "un-fun" in 24 hours. You know?!.. People used to dream about the future. Dream BIG. Those of us who were congregating on hell.com in 1996 and working out how Internet would be a powerful new instrument for social change around the world. Of course Internet did change the world, but not in the way we star-eyed dreamers envisioned it. It's now a tool for commerce, first and foremost. This is the most fundamental truth of the current online experience: Internet is not a tool for bringing people together. It's a tool for SOME people selling other people something. Even if it's "news" or "commentary" or snark. PS: Pretty sure there are some grammar errors imbedded in above rant, but frankly, my dears, I don't give a damn. PPS: Yeah, off-topic, yadda-yadda. It needed to be said.

    snugbug

  • The Dominant Glee Club
    July 10, 2009 at 5:11 AM
    All advertising is fakery, so I don't see what kind of sponsors wouldn't be in line with fake news.

    The Dominant Glee Club

  • hilikusopus
    July 10, 2009 at 5:10 AM
    If anybody knows the value of pandering to one's benefactor, it's The Onion.
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  • urbororr
    July 10, 2009 at 5:03 AM
    Did anybody suspect the "J.D. Salinger Loves Terminator" article was an integrated advertorial? It just didn't make sense, since the movie blew, and there wasn't really an angle that Salinger was acting adolescent...he even says T3 sucked (both of them sucked). I thought maybe after the glowing Star Trek video, they got "creative."

    urbororr

  • hilikusopus
    July 10, 2009 at 4:59 AM
    No comment.
  • lobstr
    July 10, 2009 at 4:58 AM
    Living in a city that does not carry a print edition of The Onion (and for about 4 years in the beginning being oblivious that they even had a print edition), I have really always thought of The Onion as an autonomous website as opposed to thinking it to be a website of a print publication. I can't imagine the print edition being so necessary in their business model that they would suffer too much if they did away with print altogether. The website has always been huge, and the overhead of keeping that afloat has to be pretty minimal. Having said that, I am very curious to know what kind of retarded advertiser desires they had to deliberate over. Leaked emails from Onion creative dealing with horrible PR devils, please... :[]
  • TheCaliDude
    July 10, 2009 at 4:57 AM
    @kookla: Thought you might like to know, as you probably already do, that kookla translates to 'Doll' in Russian.

    TheCaliDude

  • InfoMofo
    July 10, 2009 at 4:55 AM
    "Local Man enjoys delicious, nutritious breakfast from McDonalds"
  • Pesti-Esti
    July 10, 2009 at 4:55 AM
    Area Man Believes Motivational Memos Actually Solve Problems

    Pesti-Esti

  • BullfightsOnAcid
    July 10, 2009 at 4:52 AM
    Enjoy The Onion's dry humor... while staying dry with Arrid Extra Dry.

    BullfightsOnAcid

  • El_Gato
    July 10, 2009 at 4:51 AM
    This thing stinks.

    El_Gato

  • kookla
    July 10, 2009 at 4:50 AM
    You can't make this stuff up!
  • snugbug
    July 10, 2009 at 4:49 AM
    At least Hannah has the balls to put this in writing, in a memo that he most likely knew would be leaked and mocked. Not whisper it under his breath to his charges at an impromptu editorial meet held in the hallway between the offices and the restrooms. I, for one, applaud his courage. While simultaneously booing his sh*tty standards.

    snugbug

  • WordyNinja
    July 10, 2009 at 4:47 AM
    Oh, those Onion guys with their fake memo gags and layoff punchlines!! I suspect this whole "economic crisis" is one of their intricate pranks.
  • Aaron Altman
    July 10, 2009 at 4:43 AM
    "Onion Peels, And No One Cries"
  • SpyMagician
    July 11, 2009 at 3:55 AM
    @wertherian: Seems like hey have a history of doing that regardless of old-bad owners or new-good owners. That invisible hand can really stick it to one at times.
  • wertherian
    July 10, 2009 at 4:27 PM
    Laying off 5 people definitely must be sad, but what about all the good people @ the onion that left or got forced out when the CEO arbitrarily decided the entire company (aside from editorial, natch) had to pick up sticks and move from NYC to Chicago for no reason?

    wertherian

  • Nick Denton
    July 11, 2009 at 7:37 AM
    @haikumaster: I've always admired the confident use of "jenune."
  • RudolphLemming
    July 11, 2009 at 3:50 AM

    The unassimilated advertisements would still always be the butt of the joke when placed within The Onion. It doesn't seem they plan to alter their attitude to attract more lucrative marketers. I don't think the integrity of the paper would be compromised by allowing space for corporate imperialist megaplex X to advertise, it would just fall in route of "any exposure is good exposure" as they knowingly or not place their ads in a periodical that inherently mocks their products/services. Any veteran reader would be laughing at these moneypot placements from two pages away. I am willing to put up with more eyesores to keep the charade going. More articles about advertisements and junk mail wasting trees, please.

    RudolphLemming

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