The Humiliation Of Amy Adams
Law & Order: SVU will keep solving sex crimes, Amy Adams will embarrass herself, and strange casting could make for good television.
Oh God. Amy Adams has joined the cast of that Mark Wahlberg/Christian Bale boxing picture directed by Darren Aronofsky, The Fighter. She’ll play “Charlene, a tough, gritty bartender and former college high-jumper from Massachusetts”. And you know what that means, folks? Another bad, strained Boston accent. Adams is a great actress but “tough” and “gritty” she is nawt. Did anyone see What Doesn’t Kill You? Holy hell, that thing was a maudlin disaster. Amanda Peet had a decent accent though. But what’s with the Boston fetishism? I’m all for movies made in my beloved hometown, but “Charlene, a tough, gritty bartender”? Well, she’d better look like Beverly D’Angelo on a bad day and be cranking Newport butts ’cause otherwise, I won’t believe it. [THR]
Speaking of faux grit, Mariska Hargimammy and Chris Meloni have signed on for more work as detectives Rapey and McLoosecannon on Law & Order: SVU. They’ll stick around for at least two more seasons, making about $US400,000 a week. Christine Lahti is going to guest for a few episodes, which is great, and Stephanie March will be back for ten episodes, which is also great. I really like this show, even though it is ridiculous and those paychecks listed above make me want to claw my eyes out. The world is off kilter my friends. [Variety]
Oh no! Unstoppable, that movie about a runaway train headed towards chemicals, might be derailed. Or stopped! Or any of the other wordplay things you can do! Chemicals! Denzel Wershington and Christina Pine were to star and Tony Scott was to shake a camera around and confuse everyone direct, but now budgetary concerns are halting its progress. See, star-driven stuff like Tony and Denzel’s The Taking of Weird Numbers Train, also about a train, didn’t do well. Mostly it’s because no one likes John Travolta anymore, but Denzel will still get blamed. This is a tragedy for these multi, multi, multimillionaires. [THR]
HOLY SHIT. This is a sentence: “The also-untitled Chilli project will follow the singer as she enlists the help of relationships expert Tionna Smalls to find love.” Holy shit. Oh, that’s about a new VH1 reality show with the TLC chick Chilli. There’s another show about Pepa Denton, from Salt ‘n Pepa. Man, the world is reeling right now. In a good way. [Variety]
Aw, Chris Kattan has something to do now. The rubber-faced Saturday Night Live actor will costar in a new series called The Middle, a single-cam ABC show about a Midwestern car saleswoman, played by Patricia Heaton. It will be a fun two episodes before it gets canceled. [THR]
Eight and a half million people watched something called Princess Protection Program on the Disney Channel on Friday. Sadly, and inexplicably, I was not one of them. Seriously, Richard? You didn’t even know this was on? Even though Selena Gomez, whom you hate, was in it, and you have seen A Cinderella Story 2? Disaster. I’m losing it in my old age. [Variety]
Oh, terrific. Dimension is planning a remake of An American Werewolf in London, because of TwinkyTwinkleLight probably. Let’s just hope that Tom Everett Scott stays far, far away from this one. [THR]
amy adams
an american werewolf in london
chris kattan
chris pine
denzel washington
law & order svu
tionna smalls
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
No idea who Tionna is, and too lazy/uninterested to look her up.
JudyPaceFace
The world *is* aligned correctly. Tionna, reality show, Julia Allison, DENIED.
Also, Richard, i hope you have good things coming to you too!
Mackintosh-Toffee
I'm so happy for Tionna! I could see her doing great on TV and those bazongas are going to be deadly in high def.
Also, isn't funny how the people who complain about how much they don't like Tionna are some of the lamest commenters in Gawkerville? Huh. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
So really there is no necessity to have talent to get your own show on Vh1? I mean I was aware of this before this post, but Tiona Smalls really?
@NexusRanger: I think you're confusing Amy Adams for Amy Ryan, who was brilliant in Gone Baby Gone.
I'll never understand the love for Amy Adams. A great actress? She consistently plays a squeaky-voiced, doe-eyed idiot with a heart of gold. They just change her outfits. That's not a good actress, that's a good costume designer.
slowtraincoming
@easternsike: I'm thinking we due in for a Gawker shuffle in the next few months. Richard seems to have a pretty loyal following. He's the Ricky Martin of this group.
Adams was amazing in Gone Baby Gone. I'm no Boston accent expert but her performance was great and she was totally believable as a gritty coke-whore.
@DeltaGuy: Sorry, apparently "The Fighter" rather than "The Boxer". Either way, with Christian Bale, I shall consider it "The Unappealing".
DeltaGuy
So, let me get this straight. Darren Aronofsky is following up "The Wrestler" with "The Boxer"? Is this part of a weird he-man trilogy?
DeltaGuy
Glad to see Tionna doing just fine. Suck on that, Julia Allison.
IAmDoingThis
@bittergreen:
That's exactly what I was hoping it DID mean!
Congrats, Tionna!
meerkat
@Pamela Strangeways: OMG Psycho Beach Party is so great. Must watch ASAP.
The world's been off kilter ever since those Friends made $1 mil/episode. Kill me now, please.
Hooray, Tionna! That's awesome!
@crookedE: I've been away since Thursday and you're scaring me..... where is Richard going????? Unless he's been hired away by Bravo I am NOT happy about this!!!
gladys_kravitz
Speaking of faux grit, Mariska Hargimammy and Chris Meloni have signed on for more work as detectives Rapey and McLoosecannon on Law & Order: SVU.
Laughing my ass off.
acrobatic rabbit
The only question is how long it will take for Law & Order: SVU be back in its normal 10 PM Tuesday's time slot after Jay Leno's 10 PM show crashes and burns like an airplane made by unionized Frenchmen.
@Trulymadlyme: Menudo was heartless! Tionna wasn't given enough time to even mature, if she even needed it. I think she was a momentary novelty for ND, brought on by readers and staff. I liked the random features back then like Tionna and the Unethicist. I will watch her show with Chilli, she's more of a tv kind of personality anyway.
So lemme get this straight. Julia Allison did not get a reality show, but Tionna Smalls did. Thanks, world! I owe you one!
are friends electric?
*phew* I though gawker would be forcing me to look at Tiona Smalls articles on gawker.com again.
bittergreen
Yay Tionna! This news somewhat soothes my dismay at losing my beloved Richard. But only somewhat.
It’s weird how Pepa Denton kept Nick’s name after the divorce.
@easternsike: Kick them out (once they mature) and replace them with younger writers. Once the new writers gain a following or become too popular (read: expensive), replace them with younger writers who will inevitably win our hearts over. This prevented any single person from being the "Star" of the group. Brilliant.
@DennyCrane: you mean Tracey. I refuse to call him Ice-T after he cut off the braid.
Is cable TV able to handle Tionna's ginormous rack?
xhack
I have several comments to make here:
1) Yay Tionna! Her stock just went up, maybe, eh? That may or may not have been directed at Denton.
2) Wasn't that movie supposed to star Wahlberg and Matt Damon? How the hell did whisper-badly get the role? And really, I don't need to see Christian Bale again, ever. I can't imagine the horror of the whisper-badly Boston accent. It really just could be damaging, to everyone.
3) Glad SVU's coming back. I'm not impressed by the divatude, but I guess that's the price of seeing Stabler's tortured soul, and the never quite consummated love between him and large-shouldered Jayne Mansfield. They started to go there a season or two ago…what happened NBC? Too interesting for you?
4) I never need to know that they're considering a remake to An American Werewolf in London. As a Vamp/Werewolf movie purist, that trailer of the Twilight pound-puppy supposed wolf transformation made me want to slap the CGI guy. It's just, terrifically, horrible.
Richard, how dare you leave us. That was really suck-ass news. But, yeah, probably I mean Good Luck!
Spirit Fingers
@Trulymadlyme: no girls allowed(anymore)?
Unstoppable? I guess not.
Seriously, good. The world does not need another Denzel as hero/everyman picture.
irishflyesq
If Chilli knows what's good for her, she will button her lip and listen to Ms. Smalls (though that would make for disappointing TV, no doubt). Tionna's advice elevated common sense to an art form. Congratulations!
City_Dater
@1.1.1.:
Erase the comma.
1.1.1.
As long as Tionna does not return to Gawker, I'm happy.
1.1.1.
Is it wrong that I'm sad I missed out on Princess Protection Program?
nicoleg666
Don't worry, Richard. The Princess Protection Program "Royal B.F.F. Extended Edition" is coming out on DVD today.
Chris Kattan and Patricia Heaton!?! HELLLLLLLLLL YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Mymoustache
Richard,
Amy could hardly embarrass herself more than her appearance as Marvel Anne in the fabulous Psycho Beach Party. She was marvelously awful.
Oh god I was one of 8.5 million. The trigger, I'm pulling it.
Good for Smalls. Her demise on Gawker (and Shelia's and many, many more folks) was due to Nick Denton's approach on writing talent, which is basically the same as Menudo's.
Screw the accent worries: Amy Adams as a former college high-jumper? You've got to be kidding. She's what, 4 feet tall? What on earth was her specialty: match box jumping? leap frogging? Or just jumping high, out of irrepresible glee?
Wrong, wrong, wrong. She needs to hook up with the folks making Princess Protection Plan Two.
irishbreakfast
@DennyCrane: I would LOVE to have Coco back.
She could replace Dale the axe murdering crime tech. Or whatever. Coco is cool, and deserves more screen time.
Actually, I still wonder why she doesn't have her own VH1 show. She would be perfect for the Celebreality genere
Nora Bombay
Her catbag bring all the comments to the yard.
Look, I'm just waiting for Ice-T's wife to guest star in a few episodes.