Kate Major Will Get Exactly What She Wants In Life

Former Star reporter Kate Major’s definitely one kind of whore, the other, not so sure. Whorebaiting gov’nuhs, too! Walter Cronkite, here? Yeah. Also: Frank McCourt. Paris Hilton, the Chelsea Hotel, some Indie Rock FAIL. Presenting your Monday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Kate Major, Jon Gosselin’s new ladyfriend, is vehemently denying a “callgirl” past. Personally, I’d be far more in spin cycle over the fact that I used to report for Star and currently taking out my lunatic, attention-hungry succubus impulses on a guy with eight kids and a scorned wife going through the nation’s most visable mid-life crisis, but that’s just me. At least there’re sex workers out there with dignity. That being said, Rush & Malloy’s source for this item about Kate Major maybe or maybe not turning tricks is a guy named Chaunce Hayden. Hayden’s a Grade-A sleazeball running his own ragtag publication – called Steppin’ Out – that’s like a city weekly for Hoboken sent from the seventh circle of hell. It’s dreadful. And every week, Chaunce fills our tips line with what can only be described as the absolute worst shit I’ve ever seen in my entire life as far as anything trying to pass itself off as a magazine goes. It’s dreadful. But Chaunce (pictured, above) is persistent, and it looks like he finally got some suckers – Rush & Malloy – to buy his story, or at least print what amounts to a shameless plug and – like we’re doing now – contribute to a feeding frenzy of information about Kate Major. Chaunce, please stay the fuck away from us. If what we do here is like itching powder, or maybe like throwing a fistful of sand, the information you put out into the world is an obscure venereal disease. Please stop writing into our tips line, and kindly go the fuck away. You just peaked, homie. Rush & Malloy: Steppin’ Out? Really? Next time, I can do the whole Jim Carry/talking arse routine and give you a quote on this that way. It’s be far more credible. [R & M]

• Charles Manson wants to be a pop star, and now that Phil Spector’s been deemed by a court of law as a fellow murdering psychopath, he wants to enlist Spector’s help to write the album of the century. If Manson can take being smacked around and ending up like Ronnie Spector, sure, why not? Give it a shot, guys. Spector’s later work was nothing to write home about, but solitary confinement walls might actually be conducive to recreating that whole “Wall of Sound” thing Spector did waybackwhen. Meanwhile, Warren Beatty will still kick the shit out of both of you, no questions asked. [Page Six]
• Walter Fuckin’ Cronkite: dead for slightly over a week, and he’s in a gossip roundup. Unreal. Yes, there’s a Rush & Malloy item to be made of this, too, as it appears that at his funeral, his kids – who didn’t want him to marry after his wife of 65 years passed away in 2005 – sat a good distance from opera singer Joanna Simon, his squeeze at the time he passed away and Carly Simon’s sister. [Ed. Note: mum, this gossip item was, like, written for you.] Now, while your normal New York Times-reading elderly couple don’t boogie, I seriously doubt that was Cronkite, but there’s nothing we have to verify that. Meanwhile, Simon’s apparently not in his will, which is maybe or maybe not what the kids wanted. Anyway: Walter Cronkite, in a gossip roundup. How do we feel about this? Terrible? [R & M]
• Jesus. What’s wrong with this sentence about Jon Gosselin? Seriously: “‘My heart is always with Hailey,’ the dad of eight told Us at the 2009 Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge at Blue Star Jets field in Bridgehampton, New York Saturday. (Glassman, 22, is the daughter of the plastic surgeon who performed ex-wife Kate’s free tummy tuck.)” No, not the fact that the dude’s publicly in love with a 22 year-old daughter of a plastic surgeon who performed a tummy tuck on his wife who popped out eight bebeighs, it’s that he’s in the Hamptons, watching Polo. I think the Sunday Styles has a Delta Force ready to handily dispatch of (by which we mean: kill) on occasions like this. [US Weekly]
• Heh. Michael K. from D-Listed calls J-Lo “Skeletor.” [D-Listed]
• And: you ready to get choked up? Frank McCourt, who died last Sunday, also makes the gossip roundup. Bill Clinton used to write him birthday cards, as they shared the same day (August 19th). Furthermore, this: “McCourt seemed prepared for takeoff when he visited him a week before his death. Silenced by meningitis, McCourt wrote on a bedside tablet that he was looking forward to dancing ‘this Sabbath and every Sabbath’ with Mary Magdalene, ‘J.C.’ and an apostolic jazz band he called the ‘12 Hot Boys.’” He could really do so little wrong. [R & M]
• Kate Moss is going to be a judge on a Battle of the Bands-esque show in which she finds the most strung-out assfaces alive who’re just sober enough to play a few decent chords – like this – and give ‘em a recording contract and hopefully, a bag full of crazy that that can bump, spike, smoke, or play with like silly putty. Then: send them on tour. Genius. One question: why Kate Moss? OH. SHE USED TO DATE PETE DOHERTY. I get it. [Showbiz Spy]
• Susan Boyle: made her way out of the gossip roundup top spots, seemingly doing okay. Things that make me happy: SuBo doing swell. Nice. [ShowbizSpy]
• Gerard Butler has a quote in Parade about grabbing Katherine Heigl’s boob. [Page Six]
• Aw. Jessica Simpson shares a cute moment with her dog and TMZ turns it into a joke about “rebounding being a bitch.” Assy. [TMZ]
• INDIE ROCK FAIL: Damon Albarn says that he won’t play any more Blur gigs after the band’s recent reunion. Meanwhile, here is the Blur song you should listen to for the rest of this roundup. [The Sun]
• Though their comparison of Kate Gosselin to Barry Manilow is…shocking? Still sleazy, but worth a link, if you can pay the moral by-the-pound weight of clicking. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, here’s a cute picture of her playing with Play-Doh. I used to eat Play-Doh. Now I’m here. Logical progression? Non-toxic my arse. [Just Jared]
• Paris Hilton – who I’ve grown a strange affection for over the last year, because she decided to get out of the game, like Jay-Z, and kind of makes returns here or there but is never totally back, just enough to keep gossip mongers wanting a little bit more – might be dating one of the guys from Little Britian. This is inexplicably neat. [Showbiz Spy]
• The Chelsea Hotel is haunted, notes wackadoo King of New York director Abel Ferrara. Ferrara did a documentary about the Chelsea Hotel called Chelsea on the Rocks, and it was supposed to come out a while back, but I guess it got pushed back? Either way, it should be pretty good, if only because Ferrara’s kind of nuts. Someone at my day gig interviewed him last year, and he had the following to say about Vincent Gallo: “I don’t like Vincent Gallo…I know him. You know? ‘Cause I introduced him to [my girlfriend, Shannon], and he asked her to marry him after a day. But she didn’t bother telling me. You know, he’s a punk, man. He’s just a punk. What’d he do? Hit this reporter the other day? I heard he like slammed this chick, right? This kid’s not right. Right? Right? Because he said that she didn’t like his leather jacket. Smashed some chick in the face! [Editor's Note: Vincent Gallo did not actually, physically attack anyone.] You know what I’m saying? But I mean, you know, what can I say about the kid? I don’t wanna talk about him.” And that’s why you should see Ferrara’s movie. [Page Six]