People

Ivanka Trump And Jared Kushner Totally Get To Do It Now

By Richard Lawson on July 17, 2009 at 2:52 AM

Awww, gross! Heiress and former Apprentice helper Ivanka Trump, 27, has gotten engaged to newspaper-destroying millionaire playboy Jared Kushner, 28. She announced it over Twitter, because that’s what people do these days. But what will their parents think??

(Normal this-may-be-a-fake-Twitter-account disclaimers apply)

See it’s quite possible that the Trumps and the Kushners really don’t like each other. Supposedly the Donald is upset because J-rad’s dad was in jail for being a shady real estate mogul. And the Kushners didn’t like that Ivanka is not, er, of the tribe. But perhaps all is mended now that the pair, who have been together about two years, have proved their commitment to each other and Ivanka has been dutifully becoming a Jew.

We now tingle with anticipatory horror thinking about what sort of New York clusterfuck of a wedding these two are going to cobble together. Hopefully they’ll announce the date and location with a lot of notice, so we have time to get the hell out of town.

Image via Splash

Tagged:

engagements

ivanka trump

jared kushner

splashpic

Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)

lindy

July 28, 2009 at 2:24 AM

Love her and wish her all the best!

Permalink Reply

BookishLookish

July 17, 2009 at 4:38 AM

@scroll_lock: Lulz. "The mountain is high, the valley is low, and you're confused on which way to go." Why, we could almost be serenading Ivanka's augmented breasts, which I hope have finally settled in and are no longer mad at each other.
DahlELama

July 17, 2009 at 4:36 AM

@Island of Misfit Toys: Apparently, she converted two years ago, and now they're all happy and observant and whatnot. I was bored one night this week and went on a Wikipedia tear. The more you know!

DahlELama
Island of Misfit Toys

July 17, 2009 at 4:30 AM

I hope all goes well for Ivanka with the converting-to-Judaism thing. It seems like Isla Fisher has been studying the Torah and learning Sasha Baron Cohen's favorite kosher recipes for about 3 years now.

Island of Misfit Toys
intime

July 17, 2009 at 4:26 AM

@goetz: They are registered with Christie's real estate division.
scroll_lock

July 17, 2009 at 4:23 AM

What do you get for the couple that's got everything? Souls!
scroll_lock

July 17, 2009 at 4:21 AM

Trumpâ„¢'s already got scientists working round the clock to design pneumatic bras that will cantilever Ivanka's and Melania's dueling cleaves to best advantage for the wedding.
Malaise

July 17, 2009 at 4:21 AM

It's like like her friend on the right is looking for her missing eyebrows.

Malaise
pony_express

July 17, 2009 at 4:16 AM

Has anyone told her brains are not kosher? Because she looks like she is on the hunt for them in that picture.

pony_express
scroll_lock

July 17, 2009 at 4:16 AM

@BookishLookish: Nah, he's just along for the free ride.
scroll_lock

July 17, 2009 at 4:14 AM

Jared will make an adorable first husband.
Housebroken(mostly)

July 17, 2009 at 4:02 AM

Should be a fun reception- I bet their fathers have a great time playing dirty pool together....

Housebroken(mostly)
Pope John Peeps II

July 17, 2009 at 3:55 AM

@Accidental Billionaire: "They say a lot of stuff about us cruddy JDs. So that's what we give em! Something to believe in!"
uncivily obedient

July 17, 2009 at 3:51 AM

@Accidental Billionaire: A JD/MBA degree.

uncivily obedient
Richard Lawson

July 17, 2009 at 3:50 AM

@resipsaloquacious: Well, yeah, that too.
crookedE

July 17, 2009 at 3:45 AM

@momof3wildkids: is her head really that shrunken?
Accidental Billionaire

July 17, 2009 at 3:41 AM

Kushner is an Orthodox jew with serious creds. He got an MBA and JD simultaneously.

Ivanka is a pretty cute, statuesque girl. However that picture makes her look like a No Doubt zombie.

Accidental Billionaire
fileunder

July 17, 2009 at 3:36 AM

Mar-a-Lagoy will be just a lovely place to get married.
L'chaim!
allyzay

July 17, 2009 at 3:33 AM

@momof3wildkids: yes, this is one of the most unflattering pictures i've ever seen of either of them.
resipsaloquacious

July 17, 2009 at 3:30 AM

@Richard Lawson:

And for being American Dreamer?
BookishLookish

July 17, 2009 at 3:27 AM

@Senator Sully: The fellow is American Dreamer.
gonzosmom

July 17, 2009 at 3:23 AM

I can't wait to see how Ivana upstages her with her Hair by Cuisinart, dress by Hootchy Mama and makeup by Whores R Us.

gonzosmom
PimpMyCouch

July 17, 2009 at 3:23 AM

@Richard Lawson: I think Sean Avery trademarked that ages ago, anyway.
Senator Sully

July 17, 2009 at 3:23 AM

@Richard Lawson: thank you. The fellow had been getting irksome.
Housebroken(mostly)

July 17, 2009 at 3:22 AM

@ithabeleng metesunyane: The correct phrase is "I never should have broken up with her."

I will now have to respond to someone else's comment to prevent this comment from being "most popular".

Edit- @Richard: kind of you to leave out "not funny"

Housebroken(mostly)
TubOfHowardTaft

July 17, 2009 at 3:14 AM

This is definitely a fake twitter account. Ivanka's is: IvankaTrump_TheDonaldsDaughter.

TubOfHowardTaft
Ryan Tate

July 17, 2009 at 3:14 AM

Ivanka has announced she'll be given away by that thing on Donald Trump's head (-cue Paul Schaffer rimshot-)
Richard Lawson

July 17, 2009 at 3:13 AM

@ithabeleng metesunyane: Banned for likely lying and the use of 'sloppy seconds.'
She_of_the_Socks

July 17, 2009 at 3:12 AM

Ivanka is TOTALLY the answer to the blind item about an "heiress and sometimes TV star (not Paris)" who is injecting herself with horse urine to lose weight. More jordan almonds for Ivana's white tigers.
MargotheDoeEyedFMachine

July 17, 2009 at 3:12 AM

@BookishLookish: They only come out at night...
BookishLookish

July 17, 2009 at 3:10 AM

Did Edgar Winter get a sex change just so he could stand up for Ivanka at the wedding? Lookin' good!@resipsaloquacious:
fragglewaggle

July 17, 2009 at 3:08 AM

Good Lord, that is one hideous photo of Ivanka.

fragglewaggle
TubOfHowardTaft

July 17, 2009 at 3:06 AM

@uncivily obedient: She does seem to have the same squished face.

TubOfHowardTaft
resipsaloquacious

July 17, 2009 at 3:06 AM

Hippy for Jared!
nozer

July 17, 2009 at 3:05 AM

@goetz: New York City and Chicago. Any prime real estate or publications from either of those cities will be just fine.

Mazel tov!
ithabeleng metesunyane

July 17, 2009 at 3:02 AM

Whose the blonde chick to the right of Ivanka Dumpster in the picture? Will she be at the wedding? I'm definitely crashing it to meet her!
uncivily obedient

July 17, 2009 at 3:02 AM

So does this mean that Ivanka is now a Jewess? And is that Rachel Bison in the backround?

uncivily obedient
momof3wildkids

July 17, 2009 at 3:00 AM

Ivanka looks as though she has had her soul sucked out of her in this picture.

momof3wildkids
goetz

July 17, 2009 at 3:00 AM

Where are they registered?

goetz
WillaDunnuck

July 17, 2009 at 2:59 AM

why is her head so small?

WillaDunnuck
ithabeleng metesunyane

July 17, 2009 at 2:58 AM

Jared don't know it but he's marrying my sloppy seconds.

NEXT!
Lucia Toledo

July 17, 2009 at 2:59 PM

Funny. To lazily use (and slightly mangle) a magazine cliche, they're marrying each other so we don't have to. Thing is, I remember Ivanka when she was a little girl, before she became a brand. She was adorable. Now that girl is over, a brand. She needs to be Marie de' Medici-- a figure for tapestries and tweets and actually rather perfectly fine diamond jewelry. She'll never write a novel or cure cancer, but "from each... "to each..."-- how does that go again?
Lonely Goatherd

July 17, 2009 at 2:11 PM

This picture is sucking out my soul!! What the hell is up with her make-up?
jmetcalf

July 17, 2009 at 12:20 PM

@Accidental Billionaire: She does, but I thought he was Michael Cera for a good 10 seconds, so perhaps it's even.

jmetcalf
Greasy Thumb Guzik

July 17, 2009 at 12:10 PM

@Accidental Billionaire:
Will he make her wear a sheitl?

Greasy Thumb Guzik
HotSlacker

July 17, 2009 at 10:00 AM

Jared is hot which leads me to yell, MISMATCH!
firedmyass

July 17, 2009 at 8:56 AM

Damn, bitch got a tiny head... her skull smaller than a grapefruit.
snugbug

July 17, 2009 at 8:36 AM

Bizarre Love, No Angle.

snugbug
Proofer3

July 17, 2009 at 7:53 AM

Congratulations to your intended, and long life and much love to you both. (Honestly, no snark, I think she's cool.)
bjonston

July 17, 2009 at 7:42 AM

CodePink, Scroll_lock AND Bookish Lookish all in one place. Holy shit, I think I've died and gone to Gawker heaven!

Err, I mean, yeah, how lame is their wedding gonna be?!?!
felion

July 17, 2009 at 7:28 AM

If she converted to Judaism, does she still have shikaspeal?

felion
jorel845

July 17, 2009 at 6:55 AM

I'm pretty sure when the plastic surgeon was discussing with Ivana about her rhinoplasty, she simply said "remove it."

jorel845
yojeezy

July 17, 2009 at 6:39 AM

I know it's already been said, but holy shit, that picture of her is going to give me nightmares. The couple in back with the matching red-eye doesn't help. What a truly fucked up shot.

yojeezy
BookishLookish

July 17, 2009 at 6:25 AM

@scroll_lock: Team Real Tits, boo. After the worms eat me up, my coffin's gonna be totes empty.
DahlELama

July 17, 2009 at 5:53 AM

@Adiphyte: Not yet but he is her babydaddy so that's gotta be worth something.

DahlELama
Adiphyte

July 17, 2009 at 5:50 AM

@DahlELama: Are they even married? If I'm gonna give up the Jesus, I would at least like a decent sized rock and a chance at alimony.

Adiphyte
cassis

July 17, 2009 at 5:41 AM

He looks like Bizarro Michael Cera.
CodePink

July 17, 2009 at 5:28 AM

I can't believe that's the same guy who wrote all those good plays.
scroll_lock

July 17, 2009 at 4:56 AM

How unsurprising he's marrying a girl of Check ancestry.
scroll_lock

July 17, 2009 at 4:54 AM

@BookishLookish: At least we know we're real and spectacular, Booky!
rustylinc

July 17, 2009 at 4:51 AM

If I was Jared...straight up the pooper.

He went to Jareds!

rustylinc
scroll_lock

July 17, 2009 at 10:07 PM

@bjonston: I love this comment. XOXO

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