Five Pitches For Burgeoning Sitcom Star Padma Lakshmi
Padma Lakshmi is trying to make the leap from reality TV judge to sitcom star. Discussions about a new series (possible, boring, title: Single Serving) centre around Padma working in the culinary world. How unsatisfying! Here are some better ideas.
1. Padma and the Hendersons
Padma has reinvented herself from foodie to zombie in the past year. Her natural next step is aHarry & the Hendersons-esque comedy about a regular Midwestern family who adopts the Padma zombie. At first the Hendersons want to keep zombie Padma a secret but eventually the public finds out and embraces her. Through the course of the show Padma zombie discovers how to balance a high-profile life full of exhibition, scientific studies, and her human family.
2. Put the Love in the Basket
Anxious for a new roomie, Buffalo Bill (the wang-tucking serial killer from Silence of the Lambs) puts an ad on Craigslist. The ad says that all applicants must be female and a size 14. When slender, quirky, vegetarian chef named Grace, played by Padma, shows up on his doorstep Bill is skeptical. But her love of sewing and small dogs charms Bill into letting her stay. The two learn about love, health, and knife work in this apartment based comedy.
3. Fools Rushdie In
Any kind of a reality show in the style of Newlyweds or the Osbournes. She and Salman get back together!
4. Scrubbing the Grey House
Padma would star in a medical drama that would be based on a mash up on the other successful medical dramas out. Under the cruel tutelage of sadistic but brilliant surgeon (played by Anthony Bourdain) Padma would learn that fate is indifferent and you can only find meaning in the relationships around you. And in opiates.
5. Hamburger Paddy: The Burger Queen
Paddy, a successful super-model has it all — but she craves even more! Paddy wants a movie deal. But no matter how many acting classes she takes Paddy only gets cast in fast food commercials. How will Paddy over come her deficits as an unpalatable woman of negligible talent and outsized ambition? Will she be able to keep her weight down and her spirits up as the Hollywood drive through scene chews her up and spits her out? Stay Tuned!
- Next Post: Most Blatant Ghostwriting Job Of The Year »
- « Previous Post: Right-Wing Press To Publish Right-Wing Beauty Queen’s Book
Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@Nice Beaver:
I had naked on a trampoline, but I think we both have ideas that exploit her best talents and assure commercial success without having the high productions costs associated with hiring writers and stuff.
FTW!
The Pad Quintuple: Can a gorgeous former model, a stern but bearish gay man, a dull but perky magazine editor, the cute but perky ex-wife of an '80s singing star, and a surly British bore share an apartment with one small kitchen without driving each other crazy? And what happens when wacky neighbor Emeril comes over to borrow a cup of laughs? On "The Pad Quintuple," the special of the house is hilarity!
@BullfightsOnAcid: Brilliant. Will you marry me?
Tattertotter
Pad Men: Set in 1990s Mumbai, the sexy, stylized and provocative drama "Pad Men" follows the lives of the ruthlessly competitive men and women of the centre of the advertising business in India, an ego-driven world where key players make an art of the sell. Padma plays the subtly powerful Office Manager at the up-and-coming Hindi language advertising agency. She has said that the only way to succeed in the industry is to be more than just a secretary.
Pad for You: Padma is forced to hang out with an aging Paul Reiser in a bland upper west side apt. Sshe slowly kills him with her terrible cooking.
Breaking Pad: Forced to support herself, Padma teams up with a former Top Chef contestant and starts selling weed, but sadly ends up smoking most of it. Wacky antics ensue.
Padma Jumping Rope Naked For Thirty Minutes to Sade Songs: Self-explanatory.
"She Lakshmi, She Lakshmi Not" - Padma is the cute girl next door...but does she really like you or does she always dress like that and waft about, smiling sleepily at something in the distance?
kjack
@shostakobitch:
As a man, I would watch the shit outta that show
@BullfightsOnAcid: Hah!
Pad-ded Ma: What happens when Padma can't afford breast enhancement surgery? (Fox, Feb. '10)
Paddy Cakes
A model-gorgeous reality-TV star with higher ambitions suddenly adopts two pudgy children after a sister's death in an airplane. Too cheap and uncompromising to pay for a mature nanny, she hires a pair of blonde hiphop loving Swedish au pair for unbreakable two-year contract. Meanwhile the divorced Paddy auditons millionaire men for potential dating relationship. When she brings men home for dinner, the Swedes --whose eyes are also green like dollar bills-- catch the men's eyes. Similar things happen when the au pairs bring home friends. What will these experiences teach Paddy? Will all grow into happy Paradise family? Or will ethnic and generational strains get the better of them?
QuigleyAnchises
@BookishLookish: Look at them you say? Ok, I will.
kneetoe
@BookishLookish:
"Lakshmi, Stock and Two Smokin' Barrels": Padma and the Twins star in . . . oh hell, it doesnt really matter just so long as it's Padma and the Twins.
This worked out brilliantly for Emeril; why is everyone so pessimistic?
Pad Tie: Padma and Tim Gunn do a show about fashion cooking. Or it's some sort of Padma S&M thing. Either way men will watch, or no one will.
It will be awful.
Spirit Fingers
Padma Exposure: Our heroine moves to Alaska after hearing that the Salman run great there. Once settled, she grows quite unhappy over how many layers of clothes it takes to stay warm. Show is guaranteed tremendous ratings until viewers realize the title is just a little misleading.
@TomCruiseDiedforYourSins: Marc Jacobs is the fabulous deputy.
The Lakshmi Bunch: Can Padma and her Girls find love with Salman and his wrinkled boys in an astroturfed-yarded suburban home?
@BookishLookish: Honey, those look identical to me.
Get Padma! The sultry chef is a spy fighting against KAOS head Bourdain.
Padma RFD: The cosmopolitan beauty moves to Mayberry & opens a vegetarian cafe visited by Mayor Rushdie, Sam Trump who owns the local furniture store & handsome sheriff Andy who comes a-courtin'.
A couple of tweaks and number 4 could be turned into some pretty good porn.
@FormerEnglishMajor: Yeah - hi? Has no one else noticed what a bad idea this is? Or are they too busy cooking up pitches for Glue Gun Follies starring Todd Oldham?
ambitious
I Dream of Padma wherein the plucky vegetarian chef resides in the bottle of the lucky Salman who won't let her help him write bestselling novels.
Ooh, snap! @FormerEnglishMajor:
Paddlestar Galactica Padma and her group of ragtag stylists and cooks traverse the universe in search of a new career as foretold in the ancient writings of 'The Satanic Verses'.
BullfightsOnAcid
@BookishLookish: Or: "Padma and the Fraternal Twins."
Padma Potter: An attack by an evil chef, Lord Batallimort--barely fended off by her mother--leaves young Padma Potter orphaned and scarred for life. Though she leaves home to face seven years of strict culinary education at Porksbellies, she knows that some day in her future, she will face the fat orange one again, in a fight to the death. Will it be young Padma or the evil chef who tells the other to "pack their knives and go"?
This is up there with the Geico Cavemen sitcom idea.
Island of Misfit Toys
@shostakobitch: I was gonna go with "Padma and the Girls." I mean, come one, look at those things. You could construct a religion around them, let alone a stupid sitcom.
@FormerEnglishMajor: So, it'd be a documentary?
dragonhorse
I can't take her marble-mouthed delivery on Top Chef as it is, so I'm hoping this aspiration fails.
pmarble
"Lakshmitations" is just half an hour of her riding around in a go-kart naked. I'm sorry.
shostakobitch
How about a remake of "Mannequin", since that appears to be her general level of acting ability.
Padma Resume A gorgeous MIT professor is forced to work for the Russian mob, churning out student papers in the dark of the night, to pay off her parents' gambling debt and buy back the family cashmere goat ranch.
P'n'B: Padma plays a pizza delivery girl. Because of her talents she gets mistaken for various pop stars.
The trailer has already been made, although with a different actress and i a different language. Check it out. The importand jokes are subtitled. Everything else in this trailer is visual.
From what I've seen of her "acting" so far I'd say she's got a great shot at the part of a spatula.
I don't know---she's got a serious case of the bitch face
Adiphyte
@naugahydeinplainsight: Three's Company, 2 starring Padma and the girls.
Each week we watch as Padma and the girls get stuck in situations and then extricate themselves.
gabrielsong