Awful Looking Nic Cage Remake May Find An Audience After All!
Remember how you emailed a friend that trailer for some failed movie? One that by all appearances looked like a total misfire and couldn’t get a distributor? Even though thespian powerhouse Nic Cage was the lead? Remember how you laughed?
You fool! It was announced yesterday the Werner Herzog’s remake of the famous Harvey Kietel peen-flashing crime drama, The Bad Lieutenant, will premiere at the Toronto film festival in September! Lieutenant will be featured along with new films by the Cohen Bros and Micheal Moore. The original 1992 bad-cop-gets-worse flick is credited for capturing New York signature 1980’s grit and for giving Harvey Keitel his ‘Serious Actor bona fides. The remake doesn’t look, uh, as promising.
It features the thespian stylings of rapper/custom car enthusiast Exhibit and includes the line “What? You don’t have a lucky crack pipe?” delivered in the mystifying way only Nicolas Cage could. See you in Toronto!
P.S. We’re calling shenanigans if we don’t see Cage’s ween.
Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@BawstonSean: I'm promoting.
needs a Bad Lieutenant clip for sure
Can I get that Grazerhead-like Cagehead on a t-shirt?
IMHO you didn't have to put "Awful Looking" in front of "Nic Cage". It's redundant.
BoonsFarmersDaughter
I would enjoy watching this more than the original, despite my critical faculties screaming in pain.
Does Nic Cage have a daughter he can masturbate in front of like Harvey did? Tough one to top, huh, Nic?
anxiousart
@La Mareada: By "They" I meant 50 year white men in NOLA.
Every actor has the right to make films just to pay the bills, but Nicholas Cage has been on a bill-paying binge, save for Adaptation, since Leaving Las Vegas.
Paul.B.Dodd
@lacieca01: They still smoke crack in NOLA. A Tulane professor I know admitted it, I thought it was crazy too. But after reading about MT Vollmann yesterday, maybe crack is the new laudanum.
What a disaster: it's a like cross between "Raising Arizona" and "Miami Vice." The music sounds like a harmonica cover of Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive."
Exiledintexas
Keitel wasn't a serious actor before 1992?
@ChillbearLatrigue: Money Money Mone-e-ey! BL was truly awe-ful, and Harvey canniot be surpassed. This might as well be HBO presents CSI: New Orleans.
gabrielsong
Is this Wicker Man 2? Someone has got to remix the trailer into comedy.
teebol
@downlow:
There may be a Wahlberg stunt peen involved!
@MisterHippity: Sweet fancy moses! This is gold! Must rent now.
lionboy
But! Do we get to see the peen???
@TipsyVonDrinklestein: what about such fine films like "Strollin' in the Colon", "Colon Creamers", "Ultra Kinky 20: Bowlin in yer Colon" and "Colon Czech vol 1-3"?
moochyshuckworth
I'm just disappointed that Fassbinder never got to remake Ms. 45.
@MisterHippity: You don't see bears punching women much in movies any more.
I guess that era has passed.
@Natasha VC: I have a bear suit, but I never got lucky in it.
So ... no, I guess.
@ChillbearLatrigue: Shoulda gone with Smartees for the key 12-17 demo.
Iwillnotauditionforastar
@Veillantif: Niiice
Iwillnotauditionforastar
I generally avoid any movie with a colon in the title.
Just saw the original Bad Lieutenant this weekend. This looks OK but the original has one thing this don't. Authenticity. Zoe Lund cowrote the screenplay and played the part now played by Eva Mendes. She eventually OD'd. Her track marks in the film were totally real. Eva Mendes won't be able to top that....drinking problem or not. BTW....I think EM is underrated, but this looks a bit forced. Why does Nick Cage continue to do these strung out roles? Leaving Las Vegas...Bringing Out the Dead... (I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch). This combines action with being under the influence. A perfect role for the forever- balding Mr. Capped-teeth!
DoctorEcks
Dammit--now I keep picturing Nicolas Cage saving his own toenail clippings in a box. Whoever guessed him for the Blind Item today totally ruined him for me forever!
DahlELama
@ChillbearLatrigue:
I would like to know if people still check quality by rubbing it on their gums. I feel like we must have advanced in quality control measures.
@nozer:
You know, if bees were swarming around my face, like Cage, I would open my mouth as widely as possible.
@lacieca01: They could have made it meth on this go around. You know, to modernize the smoking a bit.
@nozer:
This is a win-win situation, I love campy Cage a la 'Con Air', 'Wicker Man', 'Knowing' . I also love Serious Actor Cage: 'Leaving Las Vegas' 'Adaptation'. So there is no going wrong here!
First of all, The Bad Lieutenant does not ever need to be remade. It was perfect.
Secondly, WTF happened to Cage. He was in Wild at Heart and Raising Arizona. Now he chews screen in garbage like National Treasure.
I have never seen an uninteresting Herzog movie.
djjamestaylor
@RandomLunatic:
I've been pushing for a 'Yo dawg, I heard you like iguanas' meme for months now!
@MisterHippity:
"You don't have a lucky bear suit?"
@lacieca01:
Who knew crack would ever seem quaint?
@kenboy: I'm partial to "NOT THE BEES!!! AGGHHHH MY EYES! MY EYES!!!!"
This would have looked much more promising if Herzog had just floated Nic Cage down the Amazon, having him ramble about delusions of grandeur while Indians shoot poison darts at him.
Uhhhh, this looks amazing, but maybe that's just because I love camp.
But seriously, was that Jennifer Coolidge in that one scene? You're telling me there's a movie coming out with Jennifer Coolidge, and it's directed by Werner Herzog? *wipes away a tear* Thank you, God.
@lacieca01: I like to call it "crack-cocaine," makes it sound more old fashioned.
pony_express
Maybe it's just me, but the whole smoking crack element of the story made a lot more sense back when people actually were smoking crack. Today laudanum would be more relevant.
@MisterHippity: HOW'D IT GET BURNED? HOW'D IT GET BURNED????
kenboy
When I saw "trailer for that failed movie" next to the picture of Nic Cage, I was sure you were talking about THIS movie.
"Shoot him again, his soul is still dancing" - if that hasn't become a meme already, it will.