An Open Letter To The Fans Of Short Stack
Dear Fans of Extremely Talented Australian Band Short Stack,
I am writing this open letter to you because I am afraid for my life did something very bad on Tuesday.
Without even considering how my words would affect teenage girls around the world, I thoughtlessly unleashed an ill-informed opinion on the internet about a band you love. Had I bothered getting in touch with any of the Short Stack street team, I would have quickly realised that my concerns regarding enunciation/hair height were just the insane and un-hip ramblings of a rapidly decaying brain. If my brain happened to be at the height of its powers – around fifteen years old or so, and flushed with hormones – I would see that Short Stack are awesome and anyone who disagrees is a total bitch.
I would like to thank the Short Stack fans who helpfully pointed out that my favourite lyric in Sway Sway Baby is in actual fact “Kill your boyfriend so we can be together – oh!”. I don’t know how I became convinced it was “KEEYOOBAHFRENSUHWEKENBETOGETHARRUH!!!!!!!”, I probably need to have my hearing checked out by a doctor. Then I will scratch these lottery tickets, then go to McDonalds and order only coffee!
I also apologise for being unaware lead singer Shaun had been battling a throat infection. Because I am old and out of touch, I had not received a copy of a medical certificate before the show and therefore – STUPIDLY – was not aware he’d been ill. I understand Shaun used Twitter to send fans over to Defamer Australia – let me just say that I was completely wrong, Shaun! Your enunciation issues were obviously related to your sore throat, and anyway, you’re hot! So like, I’ll just keep my negative comments to myself cos like, I could not do better. Thank you for calling my “piece” Article Of The Day despite the fact it was riddled with inaccuracies.
In conclusion, I would like to win back the hearts of Short Stack fans by offering them the following picture of the band wearing socks on their cocks.
I hope the near nudity of these handsome and musically gifted young men will earn me some kudos with the Short Stack street team. Please, enough with the death threats. I am already 28 and dancing with The Reaper on a daily basis.
Yours sincerely,
Jess McGuire
MORE:
Short Stack’s Appearance On Rove – Defamer Australia
Short Stack appearing on the Hot 30 somethingorother
Comments
Jess,
I can’t un-see that picture.
I’m scarred for life.
*cries*
Defamer could do something positive in order to make amends – maybe intensive spelling and grammar classes for the Short Stack fans?
I’ve never heard of them but after seeing that picture I certainly wont be bothered now. Fantastic post. If only emails and blog post comments could come with a spelling and grammar filter. Then they’d never get through.
I think I love you.
The fans will get over it, just as soon as they find the next review that deviates even a little from saying, “OMG I LOVE THEM I WANT THEIR BABIES!!”.
Note to self: Please wait until coffee has kicked in before posting any comments. *head-desk*
“If my brain happened to be at the height of its powers – around fifteen years old or so, and flushed with hormones – I would see that Short Stack are awesome and anyone who disagrees is a total bitch.” <– I think I just fell in love with you
I thought KEEYOOBAHFRENSUHWEKENBETOGETHARRUH!!!!!!! were the lyrics?
Hmm, well, seems like they think that stripping down and wearing socks on their cocks will make up for their shitty performances.
Wrong.
Death threats from teenagers are entertaining, you’re too busy trying to decode their poor grammar most of the time.
i think you are absoulty ridiculous and a horrible person. if you don”t like short stack, well 1. there is something wrong with you and 2. keep it to ur self cause noone cares for your petty opinion.
maybe you should get a life instaed of bagging out teenage bands on the internet just because you don”t like them. also keep in mind that shaun was sick when he was on rove but i still thought he was excellent
Hell hath no fury like a retarded 15 yo girl heh!
That photo is hilarious. A couple of points lads:
1) The Chilli’s have been there, done that. Most likely before you were born.
2) If you are going to do it, pick up a few things heavier than a hair straightener so as you do not resemble the Romanian womens gymnastics team taking a shower.
3) I have a 6 yo niece, and I just know she could beat you in an arm wrestle (and she is quadraplegic).
Are the teenagers of today following the same genetic cycles of the Giant Groper fish, where they are all born female and at the point of maturity, morph into males? Give your sister back her jeans, get off the Karen Carpenter diet and Man up nancy boys.
im so sick of older people judging music and language of teenagers! It’s not like it never happened to you in the 70’s or 80’s when you were growing up. Why do you sit here blogging about something you hate? at least I’m defending something i love? that was a shit house excuse for an apology letter.
try another one love, maybe grow a heart while your at it, it could possibly get people to like you. then again that might be a bit of a struggle.
We’re not judging “your” language; similarly we must request that you refrain from mauling ours.
I don’t think tweens should be permitted to use the word “love” to someone older than them. By the way, blogs are a an expression of personal interest and that includes things you may hate. And Jess didn’t seem to be “hating” Short Stack. It was simply a comedic review. Chill Out.
They’re no The Sharp or Ratcat, that’s for sure.
This reminds me of that t-shirt “I f**ked the girl from Hanson”. Time for a reboot – “I f**ked the girl from Short Stack”.
rofl, yes!
Dear Eloise,
Well done for Standing Up For What You Believe In. You’re right, we liked shit bands when we were young (was Girlfriend really that long ago? Kriss Kross? Shit, HANSON?? No, that last one i am just kidding. Hanson really were awful), but it’s ok. You’ll grow out of it too, and then you can join all us old chinstrokers judging the yoof of tomorrow with us.
In the meantime, you might want to look up ’satire’ or ’sarcasm’, before you comment again on Jess’ letter.
Now, someone hand me those sharpened spoons. I need to gouge my eyes out.
In that photo they appear to be attempting to channel the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Badly.
Jess, I love so much that eloise thinks you grew up “in the 70s or 80s”. Heh.
GOLD!!!!
photo says so much about them really….
maybe one day, when these kids are old (you know, like me, 30) they will look back and laugh at their lack of knowledge and immaturity.
Also, maybe one day they’ll learn correct spelling and punctuation and know that you are = you’re and your means possessed by you……though I doubt it.
Bee, how can you generalise about teenagers? I’m 15 years old, I love Short Stack, and yet I know the difference between your and you’re.
We should be supporting Australian artists, as there aren’t enough of them, and Short Stack are a great inspiration to stupid immature teenagers like myself who want to achieve something in their lives.
they have NONE of the lasting genius of Kids in the Kitchen or Koo Day Tah
You forgot Wa Wa Nee.
Funnily enough Short Stack look like WWN with extra members.
Those kids don’t have the figure to make those socks work.
Also, would I be right in the assumption that Short Stack are Australia’s version of Tokio Hotel (or however they spell their stupid band name)? Big hair, generic I’m-so-emo-that-I’m-not-emo lyrics? Bleh. I’ll pass.
Comparing them to Tokio Hotel is pathetic, who does that? You are just someone who likes both bands and are just tryign to start another fight, you lost, get over it.
no, theyre way better, and theyre lyrics arent that.. people should actually learn about them before they make assumptions
I am sure that in one point of your life you liked a band. Maybe even when you were a teenage girl. I am not a teenage girl. I don’t go to school anymore. I have a full time job and an education.
I like a band because of the music. Not the hype surrounding them, not the publicity, and not to react to every piece of bad media.
Everything you say in your articles may or may not be true, but for you to attack teen girls over their music taste is frivolous.
Keep writing your great articles on things that people want to read, rather than attack 20 year old boys for doing something that they like to do.
Leave the dramatic and gossip-type articles to those who know about music and teen girls.
I think Short Stack is a great band, with a great story. They enjoy playing music, and their fans enjoy listening to them. I’m going to see them tomorrow night, and will enjoy every minute of it.
We should be supporting Aussie music.
Beki, you do realise that this is a pop culture blog don’t you?
So you can assume that the editor is quite au fait with both music and the whims of teenage girls.
Yes. Music.
I’m not entirely convinced Short Stick fall into that category.
next time get the socks from the baby section boys
Come on guys. Jess has even changed her Twitter background to honour these boys. Clearly, you’ve changed her mind, and she’s in love now:
http://twitter.com/jessmcguire
Hahaha… GINGER PUBES!!
dear short stack, please, i don’t care about your horrible, intolerable music or your idiodic, musically inept fans…please, just assure me…the eyebrows can’t possibly be real, can they??? Oh really??? Like, seriously babe? Uh…really? Totally? Oh. Shit. Like. Babe. Mmmm. Uh huh.
you should come to a show.
shaun stage dived at the last one,
he landed on my friends face,
she has bruises, theyre awesome :D
but seriouslly, thank you, that photo brightened up my day.
i think ill print it out and get it signed by them at their next show.
HOW CAN YOU BAG THEIR HAIR :O
ITS SO SEXY.
Ha, I just noticed that the girly boy on the right is wearing undies anyway. I wouldn’t wear a sock either if my balls hadn’t dropped yet.
get a life,
why waste your time bagging people with actual talent,
youtube a drum solo by bradie.
you will be blown away.
LOL genious idea.
he staged dived? Really? How innovative.
well when your music is that shite, i guess you have to try other gimmicks.