What Was Up Gwyneth Paltrow’s Legs On The Tonight Show?

how i would love to have been in the green room during that first segment when her agent looked at her publicist, who looked at her assistant, who looked at her make up person who looked at her stylist and they all went, 'oh...SHIT'. one of you is SO FIRED.

A: Bio-identical hormones (they"ra @SultanaEleusis: Just slathered in some bio-identical hormone goop.

NicoKace

If I'm ever on the Tonight Show, I plan to be covered in fish innards, so I just can't get behind you guys on this.

@naugahydeinplainsight:
Wait, there has to be a Taming of the Shrew pun in here somewhere..

pony_express

@naugahydeinplainsight:
Yes and during the third act she needs Otowel-lo to clean up!

pony_express

Good lord her legs look like toys. Somebody look for a Mego stamp on her ass.

Oh that? It's just her inner aspect seeping out.

What about the sparkling glitter on Gwyneth's face? We can still talk about that, right?

just when i think i cannot possibly find another thing wrong with this woman. she goes and has her legs look like two kalbasas on the tonight show.

@squidbait: OK I am sober now. Her shine is stem cells. It's stem cells people.

squidbait

@The Cajun Boy: well as a "cajun boy" i imagine you could crack open live crawdads and chicken eggs and oil up for a little gator wrassling..

i donno man i'm drunk. i see those greasy chicken legs shes rockin and i think STRIPPER POLE LUBE!

squidbait

Maybe some of Mario Batali rubbed off on her?

Also, I'm gonna buy her a bra. I'm still scarred by that see-through black dress she wore to an awards show some years ago. By the way they're hanging here, she's left them to fend for themselves again with no support.

funny how they think the viewing audience is so fooled by their handlers... NOT IN THIS AGE OF TWITTERS YA Don'T!

Remember that diet pill that made people's colons leak any ingested fats? Well, I'm guessing all those gross wheatgrass shakes she drinks interacted badly with the incredibly high pole in her ass, and... well... drenched.

@squidbait: well, maybe i do!?!?!

Is there a little anorexia going on with that right leg there?

SultanaEleusis

Why are you asking? Do you yearn for that same shine yourself?

"AND WE ALL SHINE ON.... TO THE MOON AND THE RIVER, IT'S GONE.. YESTERDAY...."

squidbait

Baby oil. Definitely.

Gwyneth Who? Oh, right. Grinneth Paltry.

Hey_mikey

It's a Shakespeare thing, her shoutout to "Lube's Labours Lost" and "A Midsummer Night's Cream."

I always knew she was a man...nequin.

Just let your soul glo, just let it shine through
Just let your SOUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLL glo baby, feeling oh so silky smooth
Just let it shine through
Just let your SOUUUUUUUUUULLLLLL glooooooo, woo
soul glo

After the show, her dress and the chair were given to a HazMat team for disposal.

Her next fashion look will be stilts.

felion

@westvillagegirl (exiled in chicago):
You are all a bunch of catty-ass bitches and DRINKS ARE ON ME!

Can we still talk about how she can barely clop onstage in heels heavier than her chicken legs, and how the hem of her dress is clinging to the oil on her thighs? kthanks.

@Better to Eat You With: Possibly. I pay like $8 for Neutrogena Body Oil. I LOVE it!

mfnher

@squeakel: I love you, squeakel. I had the EXACT SAME THOUGHT. I pretty much can't watch any talk shows anymore because between the hosts and the guests, practically the only topic they ever have is about some stupid funny thing their kid did yesterday. People, we don't give a shit about what your kid said! Ugh. Although McHale's bit about his pervy little toddler was at first kinda funny (the bikini comment) then terribly uncomfortable.

@VoxPopuli: I remember that dress. I'm thinking it was Chanel, but I still remember it as the "chicken cutlet" dress.

@VoxPopuli: I saw a very expensive product for this purpose in a makeup shop not long ago. Maybe baby oil is just for the poors.

Standard disclaimer applies: I must recuse because the BFF of my brother in high school was the son of the sister to Gwyneth's grandmother, so she's a hometown heroine.

Baby oil is used to make your legs look shiny, thus making them look longer and thinner. Lots of ladies use this trick, but it seems Gwynnie crossed the fine line between tasteful shine and Slip n' Slide.

Olive oil, Bertoli,extra virgin...straight off of Mario Batali's head.

missmargo

Maybe she's just trying to distract us from her fugly boots.

@VoxPopuli: Really, I think a couple of band-aids should do it.

OrneryBabe

@son of spam: Not everyone has your refined powers of perception, spammy. I'll take back those x-ray specs now.

Any idea where I can send my resume to get that job lathering up guests on the Tonight Show?

Martiniman

Surprised no one has mentioned the ass/thong shot as she turned to sit down. Details matter, people.

@BookishLookish: Our song!

She looks a wee bit orange, as well. Hmm. Well, I'd say how the mighty have fallen but she was never mighty. Haughty, yes, mighty, no.

rubyruby

@City_Dater:

"Spears'" or "Spears's" -- The sight of those sad hanging breasts rendered me incapable of reading my own typing.

City_Dater

@VoxPopuli:

Yes please! Her need to run around without any sort of support -- which she needs, badly -- rivals Britney Spears need to be pantyless.

City_Dater

@hortense: Oh, hortense, is that all the body snark you can wrangle? You're in the safe zone of Gawker, come on!

Transparent gelatinous ooze, people .. transparent gelatinous ooze..

@PBH: +1 Tbs. Salt

@son of spam: Ha! Tried to find the Paul Revere and the Raiders version of that song on YouTube to educate teh children, no go.

Woot, Gwynnie's been doin' the Greasy Chicken!

+ Watch video

Okay, I just watched the interview and I love kids as much as the next person, but is anything more tedious than listening to parents droning on about their children?

squeakel

Wow, she's worse at walking in heels than I am.

I doubt very much Gwynnie would use baby oil since it's petroleum. It's probably Jojoba oil or something.

squeakel

Too many of them WOW! potato chips.

zibby

Chris didn't know where to finish.

Understater

I was there. The baby oil on her legs freaked me out immediately. During the break, a PA came up and toweled them off, leaving the towel with Gwyneth who continued to wipe off her legs pretty much until the end of the break.

Lynn Garrett

It's just to make her slippery so when Conan tries to fondle her later, she can wriggle out of his grasp.

doggotmyshoes

I wonder if she left an imprint on the microfiber chair. Just sayin'.

Duck_Lips

I'm pretty sure it's that leg-makeup airbrushing spray, which is meant to conceal veins and bruises and such. they use it on actresses all the time. It has a sheen to it that was probably picked up by the lights.

It's an LA thing: models & actresess spray oil on their legs to them shimmer. They keep a bottle in their purse, and neurotically whip it out and spray like smokers smoke or teens apply lip gloss. But it's for sunlight, not TV lights. Of course, Gwynnie doesn't do it herself. She pays someone to spray her--most likely her stylist--and said person should be fired for this.

Swordfish

that's an ugly expensive looking dress, and if Gwyneth wasn't famous I wouldn't think she was all that pretty anyway

icestorm

Don't listen to them, Gwynnie. You looked gorgeous. Still on for the Crisco party?

Salad Dressing. Gives a nice sheen.

Why are we obsessing over Gwyneth Paltrow, her icky Goop, her public appearan - ooooh, shiny!

rudi_freude

Maybe she is trying to start a new look. What should it be called? Careful with the vaseline references....think French!

Ubangi