Was David Carradine Murdered By Ninjas?
On Sunday the New York Post ran an article in which attorney Mark Geragos suggested that David Carradine was murdered by “uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld” and “secret societies of martial artists.” We know what that’s code for!
Ninjas!
Reports the Post:
The bizarre claim was made on “Larry King Live” on CNN Friday after a panel member said, “David was very interested in investigating and disclosing secret societies.”
“Absolutely,” said Geragos.
“What that means is connected to martial arts and his interest in martial arts,” he continued. “And so there is a suspicion that if there was some foul play, that that may be the first area where they should look.”
Secret societies in kung fu date back centuries and were originally formed as humanitarian groups, fighting on the side of the people against corrupt Chinese dynasties. But in the last 200 years, many started to turn to criminal activities.
If Carradine is found to have died at the hands of fake death-jerk staging ninjas, we’ll probably be overwhelmed with sadness, as we recently tweeted our admiration for Carradine’s unquenchable thirst for kink at age 72. His tragic death by autoerotic asphyxiation gives us hope that our own perversions will last, if not escalate, well into old age.
Whacky Kung Fu [New York Post]
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@Stream Of Consciousness: Oops can't even get his last name right. :( Carradine!
Damn ninjas...seriously though. WTF?! I just watched "Stoned Age" like 2 days before he died. Boy did he have some range as an actor.
RIP David Carrdine!
@Dr. Nick:
Ah, yes, just as Lee was preparing to shoot his first porn film, "Enter the Rectum".
depardoo
@Unsolicited Advice: That is book waiting to be sold in airports everywhere.
amphora
Always with the ninjas.
Sometimes things are only what they seem (unlike, say, the owls).
The poor guy in all likelihood died of bungee-nutting gone terribly wrong.
There is even an ethical dimension to this. In Bangkok, of all places, he took the relatively higher road of not seeking professional services.
@Dr. Nick:
When's your next dinner party? Do want.
Clearer to me than most: Carradine is the new Archduke. A thousand miles away, minutes from his death, a shadowy figure perched on an aircraft carrier in a forgotten ocean received a three-word satellite phone call in a forgotten language: "It is done." He presses a single button on the telephone and smiles fiendishly. Moments later, in Egypt, a heavy briefcase was exchanged between men whose eyes met like those of wolves patrolling the borders of their territory. Leather gloves that have tasted gunmetal briefly touch, never to touch again. The endgame has begun.
(Or David Carradine was getting off.)
They've been killing people with ninjas all week on Deadspin, and nobody's making a big deal out of that.
@adiam7: Geragos used to be a real lawyer. A blowhard, idiotic moron. So yes, a real lawyer I had the pleasure of dealing with on limited basis in Santa Monica. He was/is/always will be a douche.
@blix: Right. That's exactly why this can't be ninjas. It's too soon. If you had told me that it was Fu Manchu's Si Fan then I might consider the foul play argument.
a ninja would NEVER leave behind the fishnets and red lingerie
sparkyl
I wonder if Carradine had kung-fu grip.
this is all i have to say to the post and geragos: [www.clutchtees.com]
tigolbitties
@adiam7:
It's just the old ninja smokescreen trick.
rudi_freude
If I didnt drink so regularly from the Gawker kool-aid I would think this was made-up. Mark Geragos used to be a real lawyer , now he just needs a red suit to become Gloria Allred. Even if I believed this, even if there was some truth to it, I could not bring myself to utter "groups working in the martial-arts underworld".
adiam7
@ChillbearLatrigue: Lulling us into false confidence from periods of relative inactivity is how they roll. Let us not forget the lessons learned from the Estelle Getty incident.
Ok, I know the family is overcome with grief and are shocked by his sudden passing but come on, ninjas? Really? This is not helping the situation. I know it's hard for them to accept but the guy was just into the freaky shit.
heywhat
First thought that came to mind was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They and their sensei Master Splinter have proven quite formidable over the years.
momof3wildkids
I wondered out loud to the missus the other night if the same people who whacked Bruce Lee had Carradine done in. I can't remember how many bottles of wine we'd consumed at that point, but it seemed to make sense to me at the time.
In a related development, the NYP has uncovered a secret video of assassins from the Illuminati preparing to take care of the Tom Hanks problem once and for all:
+ Watch video
rudi_freude
@Oy Veh (Informality Reigns): You don't think they were ninja strippers who turned out to be actual ninjas, do you?
Awesome X
@ChillbearLatrigue: It's funny how Pai Mei can't account for his whereabouts though.
BonMorte
It's getting to be that you can't hang out in a hotel closet practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation without some damn ninjas showing up to finish the job.
Oy Veh (Informality Reigns)
I refuse to believe that it was the ninjas again. They've been relatively quiet since the Bea Arthur affair. This was the act of a single, misguided cool Kung Fu hippy. Rest in peace, David.
This is starting to sound like a Steven Seagal movie. It's good to know there is a script waiting if his career as a Buddhist reggae singer doesn't pan out.
FaceMelter
I guess it's a step up from throwing a shoe.
airvaulte
@rudi_freude: NUNJAS!
onebadclam