LA Mayor’s Screwing Another Reporter, Which Is A-OK

@resipsaloquacious:I would tell you the real location, but frankly most Brooklyn large grocery stores. I am gay, so whatever, but there are these 3 beautiful women that work at the register near me. They make me laugh every time because they just have the smartest comments about every little thing. They make a Hershey's wrapper interesting. And they are stunning--all three.

@Kitten_Witawip: You, madam, are blessed!

"There will be no conflict."

Because nobody in LA takes KTLA seriously.

@ligmasagbatch: The pancake booty is a reference to Chappelle Show.

"Good ole' pancake booty, just like mama's."

But thanks for the props. :)

Shariq Torres

@Mama Penguino: I am the possessor of a rather large perky set of natural boobs. I my experience most men will stare at them for hours but once the clothing is off their attention is diverted elsewhere. So I doubt they care much about how hard they feel.

Kitten_Witawip

@Shariq Torres: If that's a vague BDP reference, then you get a dump truck full of props. If not, it's still all good.

ligmasagbatch

Fake boobs AND a pancake booty!

You're slippin' Villaraigosa. You're slippin'.

Shariq Torres

@Mama Penguino: "No, it's really not a trick question! I guess my question can be made more direct by simply asking: would you give fake boobs the same kind of attention you would give real ones?"

Hell naw! I hear the nipples lose some of their sensitivity, and trust me, a boob without functioning nipples is just not really a boob worth playing with.

Shariq Torres

It's a great way for him to leak insideher infomation.

kneetoe

L.A. is lucky. In Chicago, our mayor is loyal to his wife but routinely screws the taxpayers.

Mymoustache

@rockandhardPL:

The location of the store, sir?

resipsaloquacious

Oh, Tony. You as Mayor = Epic Fail. Thanks for nuthin'. You might want to get your publicist to see about next season's 'I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Outta Here!'

Occula

@daveyjonesisdead: It was simply a report on a middleschool science experiment in which it was proven that sillicon floats. QED.

I understand that one of the television stations is hiring Beau Breedlove to give her a run for the money.

SultanaEleusis

let's see-
the mayor dumps wife #1 for a TV news reporter then dumps her for another TV news reporter and still has time to be a Mayor- the truth of the matter is that the Mayor is a relatively minor player in LA Politics - the 5 County Supervisors (dubbed as the five most powerful politicians in the US) is where the action is-
enjoy yourself Antonio-

budy920

@daveyjonesisdead: No, it's really not a trick question! I guess my question can be made more direct by simply asking: would you give fake boobs the same kind of attention you would give real ones?

I'm married, too, fwiw, and that's why I sit here making up short questionnaires about foreplay to strange men. Work with me here, please.

@resipsaloquacious: "We"? I mean, "Ve"?

(Excuse me for taking so long to respond, I was wiping up the drool puddle next to my computer.)

@smithhimself: Ah. I know just the cure for all that blinding sunshine and optimism.

@Mama Penguino: This is a trick question, right? Because the whole point of being in bed with a girl like that is that you don't have to do foreplay, unless directing her with your index finger counts as foreplay in LA, which it may. As for the rest of your question, I'll simply leave you with this: 19 minutes, honey.

But I'm married.

daveyjonesisdead

@daveyjonesisdead: Granted, but let's get down to the nitty-gritty, if we may. You are in bed with a naked lady. She has two big upright bags of boobs sitting on her otherwise bony chest and you're getting ready to start in on some serious foreplay but you only have 20 minutes. How much of that 20 minutes will you spend on boob-caressing? If the boobs were real and simply average, nothing spectacular (although I think all breasts are spectacular on principle), how much of the 20 minutes would you spend on them? Please reply.

@BookishLookish:

Been in Los Angeles dealing with healthy young lawyers who grin during depositions and eat yogurt during the breaks. Awful.

@rockandhardPL: This jibes with my Unified Theory of Britney Spears.

I was trying to find the Parker Center, and got this instead!

/rimshot

Ay Dios mio!!!!!

(/Fred Armisen'd)

@BookishLookish:

Yea, right, we will be blind folded too, I suppose?

I know you can fake a good Hungarian accent.

resipsaloquacious

This woman's look reminds me that there are no ugly women, just women with no money. How much do you think goes into putting that woman together in that water shot. Hair, makeup, fake boobs. My local bag girl is ten times hotter than she is, and without the special effects.

so, is Gavin Newsom his wingman?

@daveyjonesisdead: Nah nah nah nah: In LA "multi-faceted talent(s)" means those skills in addition to oral, given that oral skills are, well, a given.

Bostom

@Private Hangnail: That's not a publicity still. It is a picture of her being rescued after her boat capsized. Didn't you notice her Mae West is inflated?

@saythatscool:

What happened to your threesome fantasy, you know, the one with a random telenovela actress and the great Erik Estrada?

resipsaloquacious

@Mama Penguino: But I thought any girl who resides in South Carolina who utters the word "pageant" out loud is immediately rushed into surgery--am I wrong?

@BookishLookish: hee, make that !!1! not 1

@resipsaloquacious: Hmm. Well, you know PR's ex-wife Zsa Zsa Gabor is still living. Get in the line-up, boys1

This Mayor is a true player. Impressive.

Perhaps he, and not Antonio Banderas, should take the lead role in the film about legendary cocksman Porfirio Rubirosa.

resipsaloquacious

@smithhimself: I thought that might bring you out of hiding, darling.

It has been a longstanding aspiration of mine to have an affair with a Telemundo reportrollop.

"Now you speak into my microphone."

(Note to self: Run for mayor.)

@smithhimself:

I felt all flushed with fever
Embarrased by the crowd,
I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud,
I pray that he would finish
But he just kept right on

Stromin my pain with his fingers
Singin my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song

daveyjonesisdead

What's really weird is how tasteful that publicity still of her is. Diane Sawyer is nude Jell-O wrestling in hers and, back in the day, NBC sent out a batch with Jane Pauley fisting a prostitute that looked oddly like Connie Chung.

@Mama Penguino: the execution is unsexy, but the obviousness of it is, I think, self-advertising as submissive and willing to go to great lenghts to please men.

daveyjonesisdead

Call this sequel Broadcast Cooze.

@BookishLookish:

Your expert knowledge of Gawkerdom weirdness continues to amaze me.

@daveyjonesisdead: Since you brought it up, I'm going to ask, WTF? That's really not an excellent boob job. Is it just me, or wouldn't it be creepy to be caressing big blobs of silicone or saline stuck in someone's chest? It just seems really unsexy.

HamNo, why didn't you put the one of her having acupuncture up, "pretty feet and long toes," for the foot freaks that run rampant on Gawker?

"multi-faceted talent." That's LA euphemism for, excellant boob job.

daveyjonesisdead

Because New York politicians are so ethical.

Well she looks a lot better than Sarah Palin doing the same thing.

Although to be fair, I suppose Palin's hair needed to be that huge to hide the horn stumps.