Everything You’ve Ever Loved To Get Remade And Ruined
Officially out of ideas, Hollywood continues to mine the recent past for any bit of something worth reviving. Movies that you and I both loved once. Plays that the English loved many centuries ago.
Manic kewpie Amanda Bynes has begun a two picture deal with Screen Gems, starting with Easy A, a high school comedy starring Emma Stone. Bynes will play a “puritanical queen bee” who shuns Stone after she does it with a boy. When I was 23 I got laid off from selling tickets to Menopause the Musical and moved back in with my parents house, on my birthday. So, you win Bynes. You always do. [Variety]
Ah a reunion of friends. Jack Nicholson may team up with writer/director James L. Brooks for his next movie, which already stars Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, and Paul Rudd. Nicholson and Brooks made beeyooteeful music together in Terms of Endearment and As Good As It Gets. Someone go grab Holly Hunter too. [THR]
Oh, twee and tweed and PBR and hand-drawn opening credits. Dmitri Martin’s Important Things show on Comedy Central has been picked up for a second season. Most successful show involving an easel since The Joy of Painting. [Variety]
Dear God. That 80s movie Valley Girl (starring Nicolas Cage) is getting remade as a Romeo & Juliet-themed musical with a New Wave soundtrack. It’ll be directed by theatre vet Jason Moore. And don’t worry! This won’t be the last exhumation of an old 80s flick. MGM is launching a campaign to revive a bunch of old titles, from RoboCop to Red Dawn. So, good. [THR]
Ohhh nooo. I thought the above news was bad. The guy who wrote that Angelina Jolie thriller Salt has been tapped to pen a remake of… Total Recall. Why? That movie is perfect! With the exploding lady head! And the three boobs! Cohaaaagen! [Variety]
OK, I’m about to give up. Catherine Hardwicke (Twinkle: A Vampire Ballet) will direct Emile Hirsch in a modern retelling of Hamlet set in present day America. With, one hopes, classic lines like “Why don’t you go to nun school or something?” and “Oh my god, yo, I knew that fool Yorrick!” [THR]
Oh, and Zac Efron’s guesting on Entourage. World, ended. [EW]
Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@Richard Lawson: Unquestionably great. Here's betting that the new one will star The Rock and some cute Martian tykes.
I for one would prefer Emile Hirsch as Hamlet over that grandpa Olivier playing the role in his 40s ...
"It's like either just do it, or whatever, shine. It's a total conundrum, dude."
Tony Blass
@gringuitico: How old is she? I feel like she has to be pushing 40.
you know, the thing about remakes is, like, if they didn't say "this is a remake of hamlet" we might go and see it and think it's a good movie. that is to say, all these stories hearken back to olden times. you know, everything has been told. i think it'll be okay as long as we go into thinking: "this is not my hamlet. this is not my grandmother's hamlet. this is something very different."
but total recall remake. that's bad news.
@+ Watch video
dango
@SanchaliLazork: I'm insecure that way.
GET YOUR ASS TO MARS!1!!!11! ftw, also.
@TimGunn: No, it was a great movie.
You people are all idiots. Wasn't totall recall an awful movie when it came out? Why do you care if someone remakes it?
@SanchaliLazork:I thought the same thing. I loved that movie. I went home to my german shepard and imagined him saying/thinking, "I was hiding under the porch because I LOVE YOU!"
they got a word for movies like these, they got a word and you don't want to hear it
Is Efron going to be Ari's new geigh assistant?
@Cheap Shot: I could see Clive Owen pulling it off. If they put Jason Statham in that role, I'm going to bomb production.
Astigmatism
"Get your ass to Mars". Can't imagine anybody pulling that line off better than Arnold.
Does ANYONE still watch Entourage?
hurleyburley
I'd be more upset if you'd said Amanda Bynes was to be in an 80's remake. That, I think, would have been the bigger travesty.
Spirit Fingers
God, finally someone with the balls to really do Hamlet and get rid of all that stupid verse shit.
I've got angst in my pants.
whoneedslight
If every remake starred Amanda Bynes, I think I could be cool with that. Or, you know, I could just watch Sydney White again for the third time this year.
DahlELama
@BadUncle: I believe plans for that remake are already in the works, starring Elle Fanning and that kid from Jerry Maguire.
DahlELama
@optical_allusion: How about Coriolanus?
When is Amanda Bynes going to live down to her generation's anti-potential? Where's the public intoxication, vajayjay flashing, and accelerating decline to insanity?
Also, when will we finally get to see a remake of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past???
"Yes, I went to see "Up". " Why do u say it like that. Who cares? Who would judge? I think it's one of the best movies i've seen in months.
SanchaliLazork
Well - Paul Veerhoven is laughing all the way to the bank...
@[www.southparkstudios.com]
Don't forget there's a Heathers sequel coming. Head--desk.
Wasn't there already a modern day retelling of Hamlet set in America, in the late 90s? With Ethan Hawke in it? Can't they pick a different Shakespeare play to ruin? (But not Romeo and Juliet, or The Taming of the Shrew, or Othello, because someone else messed with those already, too?)
Everyone involved in the Total Recall remake needs to jump into a fire. Preferably headfirst.
This seems so soon: I'm not sure Total Recall was even finished the first time it came out.
A Romeo & Juliet-themed musical? In other words, West Side Story set in LA.
Let me know when some Hollywood genius decides to remake Macbeth. I've got my "tale told by an idiot" comment pre-written.
I saw the trailer for "Fame" when I went to see "Up" this weekend. Yes, I went to see "Up". Anyway, I let out an audible "NOOOOOO!" when the title came up for "Fame". If they were advertising before a Disney movie, I can only imagined they're Disney-fying it. How can they Disney-fy Irene Cara's boobs?
The best part of Valley Girl is that it's so wonderfully 80's and captures that era, and that location, very well. Even in the 90's we had decent snapshots of what it was like to be a teenager at the time. Now it's just a mess of musicals and sparkly vampires and remakes.
Though that may very well represent what it's like to be a teenager these days, I don't know.
Why doesn't Amanda Bynes star in my life. I heart her.
oh gawd, I loved Valley Girl & I LOVED Nic Cage in Valley Girl. It helps me forgive him his movie making choices and that weird thing he does by shaving his whole hairline back. Maybe just a small sideburn? Anyway, I'm 80's.
Laura Fowler
@whoneedslight: I know what boys like.
@whoneedslight: I hope it doesn't show. It'll go 'way.
@avoidz: More like Micheal Bay re-writing the Bible so that it ties-in with his style of movie making.
Front_Towards_Enemy
Remaking Total Recall for me is like Dan Brown rewriting The Bible.
avoidz