Conan’s Opening Monologue Jokes Leaked

Are you excited about Conan’s Tonight Show debut tonight? We are! We’ve got big bowl of tortilla chips already out and we’re about to whip up some homemade queso dip! Jealous? Regardless, here’s something to whet your appetite—-a few of Conan’s opening jokes have been sent to us!

We couldn’t resist sharing some of these with you:

Well, I’ve timed this moment perfectly. I’m on a last place network, I moved to a state that’s bankrupt, and tonight’s show is sponsored by General Motors.

A lot of people have been asking me, “Will your show be any different now that you’ve moved to Los Angeles?” I tell them all, “No. Mi programa no va a cambiar porque estoy en la ciudad de Los Angeles.”

This is a huge night for me. I remember watching Johnny Carson when I was a kid and thinking, “That’s what I want to be when I grow up.” And I’m sure right now somewhere in America, there’s a little kid watching me and thinking, “What is wrong with that man’s hair?

I think they’ve built us a beautiful studio here in Los Angeles. This studio holds 380 people. It’s exactly like being at a Clippers game.

We’re here at Universal Studios. It’s exciting to tape the show on the Universal lot because we’re just around the corner from Wisteria Lane where they film “Desperate Housewives”. In fact, in a lot of recent scenes you can see me playing the “Creepy Guy in the Bushes.”

Good God he’s so much better than Leno—-We can hardly wait!