Carradine Autopsy Doesn’t Solve Biggest Mystery
Upcoming autopsy results will say that Kung Fu actor David Carradine did in fact die from autoerotic asphyxiation, the New York Post reports. Not surprising, given his proclivities. But this judgment does not necessarily rule out death by ninja.
Carradine’s ex-wife told Radaronline (naturally) that tying himself up was nothing new for the “kinky” Carradine:
Jensen told Radar that she’d often discover her husband nearly naked and bound at the wrists in their bedroom, or in front of the family fireplace.
But she also said that he did not tie himself up for autoerotic masturbation—just to “relax.”
Of course, it’s not so surprising that he didn’t autoerotically masturbate in front of his wife, so her knowledge is probably limited. But just because a coroner rules that he died that way doesn’t necessarily rule out the presence of someone else in the room with him—perhaps “secret societies of martial artists” out to do harm to the sensei. So the mystery of Carradine’s death endures.
Altogether probably not the way he would have chosen to go out.
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
"Of course, it's not so surprising that he didn't autoerotically masturbate in front of his wife..."
I'd like to point out that "autoerotic masturbation" is a redundancy. Thankyou.
Allison Richmond
I don't care what the facts say ... I'm going to do everything I can to have Wikipedia read "Carradine Killed By Ninjas".
GiovanniGautham
@BookishLookish:
It's fucking freezing, Bookish. And avocadoes dislike the cold. Hence, we are all flying north for a month. Look for me by Homer's wine-dark sea as of next Monday. I'll be the one with a gargantuan, frosty beer, a plate of kofte, and a satisfied grin on my face.
How's your summer going? Read any good books lately?
Why go to Thailand to tie yourself up in a closet? Thats like going to Vegas to buy a scratch-off lottery ticket.
Silverbackne
"Altogether probably not the way he would have chosen to go out."
No, not with his picture and his name being mentioned hundreds of times a day...no, no actor has ever liked that.
ohnothimagain
Um, how do you masturbate if you're bound by your wrists? Uh, my friend wants to know.
gawkimo
@BadUncle:
You obviously know not of what you speak. The intense scabbing will usually prevent one from reaching the fatal state.
depardoo
@CaptainFantastic:
You have obviously never seen a horse in a speedo. Very disturbing.
depardoo
At least he died doing what he loved.
@DevilsAvocado: Hi, DA! How is winter down there and all the little avocados? I think it might have been the figure eight, sadly. Knot formation not my strong suit.
If he had died in California I would take the autopsy at face value.
But having heard tales of life in Thailand from a political refugee, I'm somewhat less inclined to take it at face value.
Interestingly, my friend invariably ends his tales of police corruption and political intrigue with an invitation to go with him to Thailand.
I think his sales pitch needs work.
not2techy
@Nice Beaver:
He was ready for a new sensation (a new sensation).
rudi_freude
@BookishLookish:
What let you down, Bookish? The Stevedore's Knot or the Midshipman's Hitch?
Dyb dyb dyb.
I knew someone who liked to get tied up to relax. It's the same concept as the isolation tank/sensory deprivation chamber, or when kids conk out in a playpen, for that matter. The constriction and "smallness" brings a deep relaxation, evidently. But then he started criticizing my knot tying and I was like, you know what, Houdini? Find a fucking Boy Scout to do it, I'm out.
I think an internet movie should be made to depict his final days.
I mean besides the public shame factor... auto-erotic asphyxiation is probably a pretty good way to go compared to some alternatives. And what does he care? he's dead... so he doesn't.
bittergreen
@BadUncle: If they were, there would be evidence of a poison dart.
@ms.conniving: Best compliment I've had in days.
@CaptainFantastic: The horse.
@Wrapitup: That's not true; they fall apart. You need something sturdy, like Grandma's napkin rings.
@Wrapitup: Note to self: If offered pineapple upside-down cake feign diabetes.
@ChillbearLatrigue: Any American Psycho reference gets automatic love from me. American Psycho + Ninjas = too much awesomeness this early in the morning.
ms.conniving
@BadUncle: Spoken like a true anti-environmental conservative! I have it on good authority that pineapple rings make superb cock rings. Reuse, recycle!
@Wrapitup: You know where that always leads? Splitting a canned ham. Now you know those pineapple rings are just for decoration.
@ChillbearLatrigue: Maybe these aren't your father's ninjas.
Naked and bound in front of the family fireplace?
Maybe this was during Christmas when the smell of eggnog and baking would make Dave feel familiar yet mysterious yearnings for hoofed animals and older men who were fond of young children.
This is my second American Psycho reference of the day, but I'm thinking that this is like the end of the movie/book where he goes back to Paul Allen/Owen's (not sure why they changed it for the movie) apartment and it was all cleaned out and repainted. It't not like ninjas are going to leave a calling card. They're ninjas for fucks sake.
@blix: You should get a Wacom tablet, then.
@BadUncle: Terminal masturbation is too difficult. I can barely type with two hands as it is.
Who among us can honestly say we haven't at one time or another come perilously close to terminal masturbation?
Riding a horse bareback in a Speedo is kinky? To whom, Jehovah's Witnesses?
It sounds like he had a devil inside, a devil inside, every single one of us, a devil inside.
Kane's nuts roasting by an open fire...