Blind Items: The Return Of Coke Mom
Today we have a backsliding young starlet, the reappearance of that awful mother who leaves cocaine around the house for her kids to find, and a reality star/couple who as all their moves planned out.
1) “Which rehabbed starlet is back in the tangled web of getting drunk every night?” [NYDN]
2) “I hate giving out pet names to people in the blind items because the next thing you know I will be writing like Ted Casablanca and getting my four remaining hairs bleached. However, since this is a third appearance for Coke mum that will be her name from now until the end of time. In our previous adventures of Coke mum she has left out coke for her child to sample. (Accidentally) Coke mum has also hoovered her way through piles of coke with another Coke mum. (Coke mum 2) Anyway, at an event on Monday night Coke mum was overheard saying the following. I kid you not. ‘I am getting old. I really want to try for another baby, but for some reason my husband doesn’t want to.’ Well of course he doesn’t want to. I am more shocked that he hasn’t filed for divorce yet and have no idea why not. Oh. The topper. Coke mum made about 8 trips to the bathroom in an hour.” [CDaN]
3) “Who is contributing drama to a reality show on a carefully orchestrated schedule? This person/couple clearly has no problem at all sacrificing reputation for money. We have actually seen the rough schedule they have worked out to impart drama at key times to keep the bloggers chatting, to keep ratings high, and to raise their payout for this and (hopefully) future ventures. It’s totally designed to drag out this period of fame as long as possible, and orchestrated to stimulate waves of outrage and controversy followed by relative calm and/or sympathy, and then repeated. They are smart enough to realise their 15 minutes will come to an end, so they are milking it for all it’s worth right now. The next time you yell at the TV or text your friends about it, know that you have been used. Oh, and look for the introduction of a new “character” in the near future to shake things up even more” [BlindGossip]
blind items
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@N.Bells: I go with Debra too for all the reasons you listed. It can't be Ashlee because the first item was about Coke Mom's young child trying to sniff coke that had been left out, and Ashlee's kid wasn't even old enough to crawl.
jerusalemcricket
@onenotesam: You know, I was actually looking through photos of events that happened on Monday night trying to figure it out and she was the only one mentioned on this page that was out and about and fits the item. So maybe!
londoner
CokeMom is wide awake at 3am staring at her beautiful sleeping child (coveting it's flawless, ageless baby flesh), murmuring "Wake up, Mommy needs attention".
CokeMom then watches re-runs of all her old episodes, murmuring, "God I was young, so young."
Then she snorts herself into a cardiac arrest and Coke Dad has to use the paddles to bring her around...again.
@dandles: only if she gets pregnanty again I feel like they're guaranteed to have like quadruplets.
2. Kathie Lee. Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please let it be Kathie Lee.
2 - Melanie Griffith
1. Tara Reid - I've seen the photos
2. ???
3. Speidi
Emily Brilliant
@olivia2.0: I will take the job.
Gossleyn and Crew with another kid! That would make their show go on for a while.
@Scout 3.0: Courtney is too old and had to have help with her 1st. Angie Harmon, Brooke and Tori all have more than one so I think Debra is a good guess here. She has said that staying slim is difficult for her.
N.Bells
@olivia2.0: Yes, this is the perfect work item for an intern. Maybe Spiegelman.
@Cecil's Wielder: or Spiderman....
@AndYourLittleDogToo: I wasn't going to admit to watching Tyra, but yes.
@Cecil's Wielder: I did hear a rumor about them adopting before thier scandal broke but that kind of seems ridiculous now. I am going with Heidi and Spencer on this b/c Jon clearly wants his 15 mins to be over
N.Bells
Didn't we already conclude that CokeMom is Glow from Misfits of Science?
I'm thinking the Goss=crew for #3.
Richard, I love your blind items, but I wish we could have a wrap up where every week someone would cross check the blind items with the actual celebrity news items so I can have ANSWERS!!!!!
Oh, of course it's Dunst. I saw "tangled web" and thought Along Came a Spider and Monica Potter, but knew that probably wasn't it. Maybe she's #2 though.
Cecil's Wielder
@Itchy-Face: We can only pray. The Bowl-Headed Child is the post-modern Mask of the Red Death. His appearance brings a plague upon the show and all who appear therein. Praise be the Detructor!
@Caroline Meeber: This is what I'm thinking. Heidi and Spencer seems too obvious.
Cecil's Wielder
Some of the popular guesses for #2 are: Debra Messing, Angie Harmon, Tori Spelling, Courtney Cox and Brooke Shields. Dark horse mentions go to Alison Sweeney, Melissa Joan Hart, Kelly Ripa, Ashlee Simpson...
Scout 3.0
1. Lohan
2. Courtenay Cox-Arquette or Debra Messing
3. Speidi
heywhat
Come on Number 3 was last nights I'm a celebrity.
The new character is another Baldwin brother being added.
Jim Topoleski
#1 is so easy even I figured it out..Drunkst.
@jobsworth: I hope she doesn't think she's getting old. That would make me feel old.
mfnher
@PamBeesley: I saw the clip! Tyra show, right? Unfuckingbelieveable.
@AndYourLittleDogToo:
3) Maybe they bought a slave? I wouldn't put it past them.
snuggleupagus
2. Ashlee Simpson?
jobsworth
3. Jon and Kate Gosselin
@AndYourLittleDogToo: Spencer has stated that he wants to adopt a kid from Africa and name him "Dunk" since he will be black and obviously play basketball really well.
He really said that.
3. I don't know/care about the person/couple, but the new "character" will surely be Cousin Oliver. I understand his parents have left on an archaelogical dig somewhere and he needs a place to stay.
Itchy-Face
3) Tim Gunn
Is number 3 really blind?
Alright, I've never seen an episode of the Hills but even I know who #3 are.
xhack
1) Kirsten Dunst
3) I really, really hope Spencer and Heidi don't have / adopt a kid.
2. Becks?
Queen of the Passive Aggressives
@Itchy-Face: The original "cutsie" blonde boy with round glasses. I hate that every single mom movie ever made has that kid in it.
Queen of the Passive Aggressives
@Itchy-Face: *applause*
wackiland
I saw that Tyra clip as well, and what shocked me more than Spencer saying that was the fact that Tyra (of all people) didn't even react to the statement AT ALL!
SerleHamjig