Susan Boyle’s Fame Arc In Five Easy Steps
The Susan Boyle fame narrative continues as expected. Reports came in last night that Scottish songbird, currently vying for the Britain’s Got Talent crown, is crumbling under the pressure, causing her to lash out at fans. Like any good singer, she’s following all the notes of insta-fame to a T.
Step One: Winning Hearts and Minds, but Mostly Hearts
When she first trundled on stage during the prelims of the British competition show, Boyle seemed sad and dowdy and homely, one of those myriad miserable people that reality show producers across the globe like to trot out for their embarrassment and our snickering amusement. So everyone was relieved and giddy and just simply thrilled that, when she opened that pie hole of hers, Boyle could blow. Sonorous, classically-tinged mezzo-soprano that could hold up ably in some supporting funny role in the West End. Good for everyone for finding an unattractive woman fanciful and fun! We’re not such terrible monsters after all.
Step Two: But, Uh, About That Unattractive Thing…
Yeah, she’s not Princess Di. And once the initial warm surprise of Boyle’s singing ability began to wear off, everyone started looking at her with cocked heads and saying “Hmm…” Most culture vultures (gag) took this as an opportunity to say what’s wrong with ugly people?, which was nice and true, sure, but also just the teensiest bit smug. And, oh yeah, you’re still calling the poor lady ugly. So what happens next in the narrative? I think you know.
Step Three: Makeover!!!
Susan Boyle got a leather coat. And maybe had her hair blown out. And everyone said that the inevitable makeover had begun. And it made sense, really, because if you were on one of Britain’s biggest TV shows you’d probably want to look your best too. But did it maybe start to engender some backlash? I mean isn’t it awfully vain and prideful to dare make yourself look better? How dare Susan Boyle think she’s people. She’s not people! She’s our Edith Piaf Scottish troll lady idol. I mean, what fun would Shrek be if he looked like Harry Hamlin, y’know?
Step Four: The Dip
It was bound to happen. Some other vaguely unsettling novelty act ascended the BGT stage and nearly erased all memory of Susan Boyle from our fickle, fiendish hearts. Someone like the bespiked castrato, who isn’t quite as pleasing as Boyle, but boy is he weird and fascinating. Plus, Boyle’s second go around on the show wasn’t quite as stirring, probably because, yawn, been there, seen that. So it looked like the Boyle party train might be slowing to a standstill.
Step Five: It’s Infected with Rage
So apparently Boyle was watching BGT at her hotel and one of the judges said that SOMEONE ELSE had the best vocal of the show so far, which sent Boyle into a rage blackout in which she told hecklers to “fuck off” and threatened to quit the show. (And then there was a little bomb dropped about how she maybe suffered brain damage during birth? Ugh.) So she’s back on top of the filthy news pile! But at what cost? Will she lose the support of those who just want her to be the ugly frog lady with adorable little probably-not-gonna-pan-out-in-any-significant-way-in-the-end dreams? Perhaps. Or maybe she’s just a person under a lot of pressure and people under a lot of pressure have been known to lash out at people who are actively trying to get her goat, as the two hotel patrons were supposedly doing.
What’s next for ol’ Boyle? Well, the rest of the competition, for one. But beyond that there are further steps in the fame trajectory. She hasn’t yet had a true taste of validity, which maybe she’ll get when she’s offered a role in a West End show. Then it’ll be all pints and good times, then it’ll be dwindling offers, then it’ll be another, shittier reality show, and then it’ll be… well who knows. Most likely that merciless void, known to some as obscurity and, to others, as life.
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@BowlingForDollars: i'm with you
I think it's great she's telling idiots to f*&^k off. It makes me like her even more!
@RheaPollstry:
But she's homely, and thus absolutely worthless as a human being, except that reality TV is giving her a reason to live, at least until public attention wanes. She can get a brief glance at the life of beautiful people until she gets sent back to the ash heap.
Don't you get it?
EastEndguy
I've had this convo with co-workers more than once. It's not about musicianship or being "undiscovered", these shows are about achieving fame. That's it. What, someone's not a singer because they aren't on t.v.? Not every artist needs to be discovered or judged on some program. Some artists, just, you know, make stuff or write stuff, or play stuff, without seeking fame. And this arc is a very good example of why.
[chnm.gmu.edu]
My God, that whole franchise is so formulaic they even went out and actively found an Adam Lambert clone for the U.K. market.
Creepy.
Bush and Cheney may get off for torture, but that doesn't mean Simon Cowell should.
atlasspanked
@sirjohnoldcastle: ...or the Wailing Housewives of Real Madrid.
BullfightsOnAcid
@MattGaymon: i'm excited already!
@bluebears: Did you see her second performance, "Memory" from Cats? So forgettable.
@shostakobitch: Can we crucify her now? I've got 30 pieces of silver for Simon.
DeltaGuy
I hear she was offered a spot on the Real Housewives of Wales.
@RheaPollstry: a co-worker literally CRIED while describing that you tube video to me. I watched it and was like, "her?"
Her fall will be just as delicious as her rise. Tastes so good. And for the second course... Jon & Kate plus 8.
BullfightsOnAcid
@Scotland:
Fact - "Scottish people don't swear."
Scotland
susan boyle - bigger than jesus.
shostakobitch
6. Relaunch as a gay icon. It starts with a drunk but amazing surprise rendition of "Ladies Who Lunch" at Pieces karaoke and leads to Susie B as the unannounced guest performer at this year's Pier Dance - I'm hearing a dance remix of "Someone Else's Story."
@DahlELama: Unfortunately, I can't make it as I am not in NYC and a co-worker will be on maternity leave that month (must cover). :(
"she told hecklers to "fuck off" ???
That doesn't make sense? - Scottish people don't swear.
Scotland
@Fry_Bread_Power: Already have my tickets for the 9/14 concert at MSG! Will you be there?
DahlELama
meh. wake me up when she starts a fistfight with courtney love at the MTV music awards.
johnny_carsick
In my universe she abandons the mushy music for classic gangster hip hop ala NWA and just carries a glock in her leather trench coat. Gold plate necklace reads "BEE BOYLE", oh, and she walks with a limp and wears a furry black Kangol hat.
@DahlELama: Aerosmith love? Friended!
@goodstory: My grandma said something very similar about Prince Charles.
I like her even more now that she's dropping f-bombs everywhere. Without that, she'd be another mediocre broadway belter.
Oh Richard, don't burst my bubble. Her story is the only glimmer of hope as of late in a cruel world.
The poor woman was born with brain damage. What can you expect?
goodstory
@Fry_Bread_Power: If she actually had an Aerosmith pinball machine, I would have a totally different respect for her. God I love Steven Tyler.
DahlELama
She will release one album, appear drugged on MTV, fire all her assistants, walk barefoot out of a gas station bathroom, and go completely bankrupt by 2011.
The bank will repo all assets including three jewel-encrusted toilets, two Aerosmith pinball machines, and life-size suit of armor.
I don't see what all the hype is about. Her voice is pleasant enough but that's about it.
I bet American Idol imports the "ugly person celebrated for their inner beauty aka marketable skill our casting agents searched for" storyline. Just you wait. Next season there will be an obese southern woman named Darcy who will beautifully sing something from Rent in a "surprise" performance.
AvenueOfTheStrongest
She just needs a rapper agent. Also a name like T-bone or KoKo. eh?
Streeter
@Scotland: No, we don't. Especially before or after we've gone batsh*t crazy angry on someone.
MadameDecline
After watching Greg Pritchard's rendition of Nessun Dorma all I can say is Susan who? He has the voice of a seraphim.
skymotel
@MattGaymon:
+ Watch video
@Fry_Bread_Power: Hard Rock Cafe will then buy said treasures for display.
@Scotland: She told them to "feck off" then
SnarkTard
@BowlingForDollars:
I'm with you on this one.
LoveHerFace
@RheaPollstry: Her voice is pleasant, true, but her vibrato is simply out of control. She would do well to adopt a purer pop sound and take on something contemporary.
Wouldn't it be interesting for her to clean up her wobbly voice and take on oh, say, Duffy's "Rockferry"?