Roman Catholicism Beats Space Deism Every Time
Religion on Earth just slightly trumped religion in space this weekend, though that should not, we repeat not, encourage any Scientologists that they’re gaining traction. For more on the stateside box office figures, click through.
1) Angels & Demons — $US48 million
Certain crazed members of the Catholic church were too busy heckling President Abortion this weekend to see, and then get mad about, the new Dan Brown makes things up movie. Though Angels‘ opening was about $US30 million less than Da Vinci’s bow a few years ago, it still did solidly enough, and racked up some $US100 million additional ducats in the international box office. We suspect that number would have been higher had the always-lucrative albino Paul Bettany factor been in play.
2) Star Trek — $US43 million
Showing great legs in its second weekend, J.J. Abrams’ revisionist space drama rode a raft of positive word of mouth to a small 46% decline. While some nerds hate that Romulus and Vulcan are now dead and exploded, regular people were all “who the fuck cares” and got sucked in by images of dreamy/shabby Chris Pine getting eaten alive by lens flares. This bodes very well for a potential sequel, the script for which is already being written. We hear from insiders that in the next film, Jean-Luc Picard will be murdered by Christopher Lloyd and then Whoopi Goldberg’s Guinan will inadvertently destroy Starfleet Academy with one of her oversized hats.
3) X-Men Origins: Wolverine — $US14.8 million
Despite being sadistically bad, the Hugh Jackman meat show trots along gamely, with a good three-week tally of $US151 million clams, domestically. While Wolverine was an obvious choice for the first of Marvel’s Origins pictures, future installments ought to be a bit of a harder sell. Watching Professor X play croquet and drink tea and read his nanny’s mind might only fare well in the art houses, as James Ivory is attached to helm. And the made-on-the-cheap Storm edition is just clips from Catwoman digitally spliced into The Day After Tomorrow. It’ll go straight to Blu-Ray.
4) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past — $US6.9 million
Never discount ol’ Wooderson! Matthew McConaughey’s sad little comedy has kept its manicured claws dug into the public consciousness, despite being surrounded by big tall movies about horny green alien girls and gay Australians with sharp fingernails. While we probably couldn’t care less about what this means for Bongos’ career, we are hoping that Emma Stone gets some more work out of this. Oh, and Lacey Chabert, too. Because why not. Mean Girls 2: Toaster Strudels’ Revenge, anyone?
5) Obsessed — $US4.6 million
Yes, this movie continues to make money. Ali Larter has now been thrown through a plate glass window several thousand times. Beyoncé has smacked her gums and said “Oh hellll no” more than all the 90’s WB sitcoms combined. And Idris Elba has stood at the window of his fancy office, supposedly thinking about what to do about this hot-ass white lady temp, when in actuality he’s thinking back to an understudy role in the West End and, oh dear, should I have just stuck with the theatre after all?
angels & demons
ghosts of girlfriends past
star trek
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x-men origins: wolverine
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
@DahlELama: That's so fetch.
Mean Girls 2: Toaster Strudels' Revenge=Gretchen finally gets to wear her white gold hoops!
DahlELama
This report leaves off the all-important number 6 spot. You know what it was.
Catholic churches around the world are asking Tom Hanks to send them a tiny scrap of the One True Script.
belltolls
I feel bad for the 55+ crowd who consider Angels and Demons high art.
Queen of the Passive Aggressives
@ChillbearLatrigue: It's an alternate timeline. The original timeline is intact.
ndhapple
Why am I surprised that "Obsessed" is such a high grossing movie? They might as well have called it "Beyoncé Gets in a Cat-Fight" and have the preview be 30 seconds of the fight scene and idiots still would have flocked to see the movie.
I liked it better the first time I saw it... when it was called "Fatal Attraction".
coyote1284
uh, not to nerd out too much, but I don't think Romulus is destroyed... since that happened in the far future of the continuity of this new series (if it happens), or really a different continuity altogether. so it's only Vulcan that's destroyed, right? someone tell me if i'm wrong, because i was really too stoned to follow the exact details of this reboot. haha
@ChillbearLatrigue: I've been calling it the new New Coke.
I mean, what if we redid Star Wars as a Woody Allen film? Do you think more than a few lightsaber-wielding 45 year old virgins would have something to say about that? Yeah, it's a nice piece of art and all, but it's nothing without the Star Trek brand attached to it, and it seriously screws with the brand, thus the New Coke comparison.
@Uncle_Billy_Slumming: sure!
@CodePink: I really wish I could heart you more than once.
@CodePink:
Would you like to grab some coffee sometime?
I have some bad news- We're going to have to sell you all for scientific experimentation.
@CodePink: That's what I was afraid of.
belltolls
@CodePink: I ain't going to see the film, because I thought the book was *awful*. A shitty, trite, cliched piece of crap.
thetalkinghand
@ChillbearLatrigue: I think he's been smoking too much Dilithium crystal.
@Richard Lawson: it was sewious!
I've only seen Star Trek. I honestly thought that I was one of the cool people that didn't give a fuck about the revisions, only to find that I'm a pissed off Star Trek nerd.
THE NEXT PART CONTAINS SPOILERS
Billions of Vulcans die and they don't even make an attempt to go back and fix the time line? They disrupt the time line all of the time in this series.
On a side note, if I was visited by my future self and I looked like Leonard Nimoy currently looks, I would have some serious questions about my health habits.
@CodePink: Had a good weekend then, I trust?
@CodePink: and have papercuts on your butthole.
Angels and Demons is like eating McDonald's, throwing it up, and then searching through it for whole pieces of food to eat again, eating it, then throwing it up again, and then finding out you have Cancer, and then stubbing your toe on a dead person, and then pooping your pants, and then waking up to find out that it was all a dream, but then all of it really happens to you anyway, except it also happened to your daughter, and she hates you, and is addicted to meth, and you're in a wheelchair.
@CodePink: But, I have to say, it sounds as though you got your money's worth.
nickcarroway
@ndhapple: Oh, ndhapple, you poor naive advertiser's tool. I'll bet you think that pork really is "the other white meat" too.
Jean Luc will NOT be murdered, I'll bet you. Long live "Star Trek!"
tangenjill
"Every sperm is sacred..." Love your choice of photo here - LOL
AuntieFreeze