Creepy Job Listing Of The Day
Do you need a job? Are you a young woman with “both head and body shots”? Do you have great hands? We have a job for you! You’re gonna love it!
A 35-year-old “Entertainment executive in Los Angeles” posted this listing on Barefoot Student, the already creepy-sounded job site for college students.
You are his dynamic, fun personal assistant. What does that entail?
Tasks: errands like drycleaning, corrspondence, reservations and such. Companion to events around town and sometimes out of town, Hostess at parties, social events and private dinner parties. Extra skills such as being bilingual, great hands for massage are a bonus! There is opportunity for travel, as well — work trips to Vegas, New York and Chicago at least once a month.
Non-smoker is preferred, but attractive young woman willing to escort him to Vegas is required!
Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
Someone needs to hook this asshat up with the hipster grifter -- whatever transpired would make the best Lifetime Made for TV movie ever.
City_Dater
Watch - this turns out to be Jerry Stiller!
@i'm a bottle: I think he'd overlook that one if you had really great hands.
Astigmatism
@lacieca01: Private dinner parties. It's like the oil-for-food programme, but with a wee willie winkie.
@uninspired: What, no navel shots for the holiday?
@+ Watch video
@Smitros: Oh, so much zing!
See there unemployed ladies, along with your resumes, make sure your head/body shots are up-to-date!
@Private Hangnail: I'm gonna wear my red dress and be on taalavision
nevermind, bev hills
so who is BH?
I don't think bilingual is the extra skill he's looking for. He meant to put bisexual. Or maybe bilingual is code for bisexual.
JustUsForAll
wouldnt it just be easier to get one of those mail order brides? It would make the obscure sexual references a little more acceptable.
ArdelleCorcyra
As long as he's not expecting the massages to include a happy ending, because otherwise she might want to charge more than $150/hour.
Mr... Spitzer?
@son of spam: *clears throat, mumbles*
Yes, spammy is the bee's knees.
@Mount_Prion: ditto.
$150 for "massage" - Gig pays well? What was Client No. 9's gal charging? Bet she didn't have to then suffer 15 hrs of typing Spitzer's memos
once
@El Matardillo: perfectly applicable to both.
Cheaper than the millionnaire matchmaker.
Queen of the Passive Aggressives
@lookout72: Looking for a tax-deductible hooker who picks up his dry-cleaning.
Oh, wait, that IS a wife.
SarahHeartburn
@lookout72: Maybe for you. I get wives all the time.
@HiredGoons: Does it matter?
Sorry, rubbing the prostate just isn't my bag. Anyway, I've got good other parts, right Bookish?
@Banjo-Sea Kitten:
But he's an outsourcing tool.
@Mount_Prion: "...and by lips I mean labia..."
@resipsaloquacious: Did you mean "around the world" days, not "travel" days? Nah, you're pretty on target.
@eXXX: Now there's a phrase I'm glad I don't have to hear every day.
@tailpipebananna: Assholes disappear? They are our number one export! If anything more come out of the woodwork to capitalize on the desperate.
rhys1882
@BadUncle: *clears throat, mumbles*
Now, now, boys, play nice.
...errands like drycleaning, corrspondence, proofreading, reservations and such...
Fixed.
mega ugh.
miss_roxxan
@depardoo: People try to mix business w/ pleasure in every single major metropolitan area. They're so overly optimistic it's almost cute.
Treeless
I think he's looking for a wife.
Unfortunately, they are hard to find these days.
lookout72
"...and by hands I mean lips."
bhassistant@gmail.com
depardoo
What?!
Did I not offer enough for the travel days?
resipsaloquacious
@SuperBien: As I glanced over this, I thought you said that Sylvia Plath's moved to LA. I was confused.
That's all Pepper Potts was making? I'd have thought it would be more.
stanner
@Private Hangnail: Ass to ass!
Fit, check, attractive, check, smart, check, clean, check, female, d'oh!
i'm a bottle
Oh, for fuck's sake. Can this be real?
depardoo
I'm glad Priyantha Silva's moved to Los Angeles . . .
Every prenup should read more or less the same way.
The party scene from Requiem for a Dream comes to mind.
@El Matardillo: I doubt she's truly bilingual...well, at least not in the sense that he means it.
i'm a bottle
@El Matardillo: Jennifer Aniston or Julia Allison?
I've seen this before, and it starred Julia Roberts as the hooker with a heart of gold.
Yeah but no but yeah
oh my god i have a family friend in san diego who no joke would be absolutely perfect for this! she fits the bill on all accounts, except the location...i hear her work situation is dwindling, perhaps i'll forward this to her!
pattycakes
Among "parties, social events and private dinner parties," which involve penetration?
@son of spam: I hate to break it to you. But you're massage is not that great, anyway.
@Smitros: he can use his own damn hands for massage, then.
Banjo-Sea Kitten
This is the perfect chance for JA to begin her new life elsewhere.
Where are all the actresses/waitresses?
Chicago? Forget it.
"Clean"? Don't come in covered in mud? Make sure to wear freshly-laundered clothing? Whatever could this long-suffering entertainment exec mean???
What happened to the days when this kind of thing was posted in the personals where it belongs?
asshole. i thought they all disappeared during the downturn. does this mean we're out of the recession?
tailpipebananna
No word on how much he pays for handjobs with her mouth...
SultanaEleusis
What a jerkoff!
@kittenlove: "Qualified people."
jacobestes
Some completely qualified person who is either older, ugly, male, or some combination of the above should submit an application. The EEOC I'm certain would be very interested to hear about his response to their application.
NickelMD
@depardoo: Ass-istant, in all reality.
PontiousPiePlate--SaraBB
I would like his name and number so I can tell all of his friends and work related aquantances.
Douche-max.
Cutting Makes You Sexy
Sounds like an asshole, with a better career than me.
I demand someone (RICHARD. I don't care if you are in gay Paris. We need you!) apply to this job with the hipster grifter's head and numerous body shots. Bonus for working the "theme songs of the syndicated '70s and '80s TV shows" bit into the cover letter.
Then these two can grift each other.
But what does "The (so very awesome) Apartment" have to do with this story?
JuneCarter
@SarahHeartburn: What happened, SarahHB?
Were you in love with someone - someone whose dry cleaning you when to get? Then on the way back to the apartment, you daydreamed of all of the naughty but nice trouble you two would get into later that night?
Then, when you arrived, you found him, how can we say, otherwise engaged? With another WOMAN. ONE THAT DIDN'T GET HIS DRY CLEANING or DAYDREAM OF NAUGHTY BUT NICE THINGS TO DO LATER THAT NIGHT?
Just wondering...
This reminds me of a story I saw about women getting plastic surgery during the recession because the job market is so competitive. And this is why. I'm sure there are plenty of qualified people for this job that wouldn't even be considered by this jerk.
kittenlove
@eXXX: At least this guy is honest. I interviewed last summer for a P.A. position at an ad firm in NYC. I through three or four rounds of interviews before the boss admitted that he wanted me for his "very personal" assistant.
@Gnip-Gnop:
Better everything. It hurts sometimes.
stanhalen
@pattycakes:
Do it. Do the right thing because if this is for real, well, my Wife might be on her way.. My pimp hand is strong these days..
stanhalen
STI free also a plus, I assume. Proofreading skills optional (why mess with the status quo)
Seriously - did anyone do the math on this? Guaranteed minimum of $750 per week for 15 hours work? That's $50 per hour. So if you only run errands for a few hours -- get ready to do a massage or two!!
timetochange
@SultanaEleusis: Ba-ZING!
sublicon
this is retarded, but seriously, you know he probably already has hundreds of applicants.
nicoleg666