Tori Spelling Will Not Speak To Mum, No Matter What The View Says

@hello.kitty: yeah, the example being this: If someone are abusive toward you stick up for yourself and don't tolerate it.

@SO I HERD U LIEK MUDKIPZ (formerly Shamrockette): THANK YOU! I really hate this idea that you MUST always respect and like and love your parents, no matter what, or you are horrible person, no matter how awful your parents were. PARENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO. There are certain people I do not like and never will like. The same can be said for a parent.

nakedscience

My reaction to The View routinely follows the Kubler-Ross model:

Stage 1, Denial
Surely it can't be that bad, right? They shut down Hasselbeck for that annoying t-shirt crap she pulled and that was kind of funny and empowering, right?

Stage 2, Anger
NO!! SHUT UP!!HASSELBECKWALTERSIRRELEVENTDRIBBLEARRRGH...!!

Stage 3, Bargaining
For every clip of this I watch on Jezebel, I will deride the show to 10 people or bad luck will follow me for 5 YEARS!

Stage 4, Depression
MAN, I am completely and utterly powerless to stop this drivel from consuming my precious few remaining brain cells. I need a drink.

Stage 5, Acceptance
Well, at least it's not Fox News.

Notice how Whoopi didn't say anything. Smartest lady on the sofa, that one. Babs was simply an embarassment.

MOJITOBABY

Newsflash: Just 'cuz you are a mother doesn't mean you are special. Good god, I really hate this, "BUT IT IS YOUR MOTHER!" Yeah, what if she was an abusive asshole?

nakedscience

@IrockIroll: maybe some day we can sign off all our comments with "Oh well, bawitdaba!" or "but that's just my opinion, bawitdaba!"

@hello.kitty: "However my beef is that she speaks about her broken relationship with her mother and then references her own children in the same breath. "

...So? You can have a broken, unhealthy, toxic relationship with a parent and still have a good, solid relationship with your kids and you're still allowed to have the same feelings and fears toward your kids.

nakedscience

@echoparkgal: detrimental, durnnit. Time for more mate.

@hello.kitty: Yeah, if your mother is toxic, you have every right to not talk to her, and someone else doesn't have a right to DEMAND that you do. It's personal, sorry. Not your business.

nakedscience

@R_Claw(a/k/a Mrs. Edward Cullen): The music drove all the words out of my head, and left me smiling blankly at my computer screen. Must--go--wrap---the---presents....

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): YAY FOR SLUT SHAMING!!!!!!

that's not my name

@BabyJane: Good for him! The way it was explained to me, I had two choices. Either I could suffer a really big wound that would hurt like hell, but would eventually heal. Or, I could continue to suffer small wounds, all the time, forever.

That blog is amazing, I can't even put into words.

R_Claw(a/k/a Mrs. Edward Cullen)

@hello.kitty:

I disagree. Family is family, but not forcing your children into a relationship with a toxic personality is perfectly reasonable.

mightykaytor

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): Affairs can be a lot more complicated than they seem. Dean's marriage may have been as good as over before he an Tori even met. Should either of them have had to stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of appearances? Does being "the other woman" always mean you're a "homewrecker" if there's not much of a home left to wreck?

that's not my name

@hello.kitty: Yes, Candy was a horrible parent. I do have sympathy for Tori the daughter. The View women were harsh I agree.

However my beef is that she speaks about her broken relationship with her mother and then references her own children in the same breath.

hello.kitty

@eri401: Her mom told Vanity Fair that Tori stopped talking to her after she divorced. What she didn't mantion was whether she reacted hatefully to the news.

@megnificent: My husband severed his relationship with his mother and it was the healthiest thing he's ever done. She was horrible to him.

@hello.kitty: i really disagree with your statement. Tori Spelling sees her relationship with her mother as toxic and harmful to herself. An abusive relationship, as we have all recently discussed, whether romantic, professional or familial is determintal to everyone involved. She has every right to want to keep that distance.

@JessaFields: Her Japanese was horrible! I would hate to hear how she speaks French.

maggiemei

Umm...didn't Candy inform Tori that her father died via text message? I'd be pretty pissed too. And if Tori wants to handle the matter privately, everyone should respect that.

Keep it classy Tori.

@nothanks: Agreed. STFU, Barbara.

I must completely agree with Tori here. Good for her for sticking to her guns, and wow B. Walters, could you BE any more pathetic??

Any time I see Tori, I have an overwhelming urge to scream "Donna Martin Graduates!!" while shaking my fist in the air.

@BabyJane: WORD.

Somehow, I can't imagine Baba pulling this shit on Angelina Jolie should she ever deign to appear on The View.

My relationship with my mom has been toxic throughout my life. I see a lot of myself in her reaction and I feel it's both of them being stubborn. Candy doesn't want to try too hard but Tori wants her too. Deep down, it probably hurts them both but they've become complacent with the way things have become. Tt's hard to break old habits.

@mervbaby: it's so much funnier that way. let's all just pretend I was that hilarious.

IrockIroll

So, does anyone know the cause of the split? I'm a bit confused. All I know is that her mom puts up letters online but that hardly seems reason enough for all that animosity.

@SaintNora: Classy? Let me remind Jezzies that Tori had an affair with a married man, stood by while he divorced his wife (with two kids) AND married him. Not before telling HER OWN husband that she no longer wanted to be marreid to him VIA her publicist. Classy, indeed.

@Hamsterpants: I hated that when people found out I had no relationship with my father, they assumed there was something wrong with me. Respect your elders, my aching ass.

Wow, that was a really mature and respectful answer to the meddlings of the View. Never really thought Id have any opinion on Tori Spelling beyond "Donna Martin Graduates!" but that was really tactfully handled - good on her, and good luck - relationships with Moms can be tough.

little_engine_that_could

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): Yeah, I definitely got the idea that there are very key things that Tori hasn't and won't talk about that are keeping her from reconciling with her mother. Those of us who know nothing about it (*cough*View ladies*cough*) should stay out of it.

@hello.kitty: I disagree. I think her decision to have or not have a relationship with her mother is her own choice. Who are we to know what really went on there? And it sucks that the View felt the need to peer pressure her about a touchy subject on national TV.

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): That's so true.

I'm with Tori on this one. She's waiting for her mother to show some sign of having changed. Until Candy does so, Tori is entitled to keep her kids from what she sees as a negative relationship.

@hello.kitty: A well-attached, loved and deeply respected child is VERY unlikely to abandon his/her parents. On the other hand, sleeping with a married man and supporting his desertion of his wife and two children....is nasty.

@Trulymadlyme: Me too!!! Last night took me back to my old cotton candy pink bedroom, with all the hunk posers on the wall. Great times!

If she doesn't want a relationship with her mother, let that be her decision. I think it is strong of her to have set her limits and say, this is what it will take to be in my life/my kids lives.

The mother/daughter bond seen as so sacred, but because it is so intense and strong, when it is good it is amazing, but when it is bad, it can be the worst, most hurtful thing. Sadly, my relationship with my mother is the latter. And sometimes I wish it could be better. But it never will be, nothing will fix it. And if someone were telling me, nagging at me, to "just pick up the phone" I would lose it. They can't know what her relationship with her mother is like. Leave it alone.

@Trulymadlyme: oh my, I am so exciting that they are incorporating Bev Hills 90210 into regular 90210. Now I want to see Luke Perry and Jason Priestley!! Brenda too!

@hello.kitty: Her mom was a complete bitch who used to call her ugly when she was a child. I can complete understand her not want to talk to that wench.

@lurkystars: I thought so too, especially when she was asked repeatedly if she loves her mother.

She's pushing a book on daytime television, not speaking with a therapist.

@IrockIroll: Just so you know, I first read that as "Shut up Bawitdaba" and choked on my soda laughing.

I LOVE Tori, She is so classy despite her spooky family.

Also, if the veiw ladies talked to me like that (like I was a stupid child) I would have been much meaner.

Why do so many women feel like they can talk down to younger women and get away with it?

I'm not going to pass judgment. It's really sad that she feels she can't reconcile with her own mother, but who knows, her mother might be extremely toxic. Or maybe Tori is the toxic one. The point is, nobody knows, so people like Babs, who aren't related (and last I heard aren't super-close friends of the family) should butt the f*** out.

Vivi21

Her website is fucking frightening. I don't blame Tori.

Antonella

The most valuable thing a shrink ever told me was that I didn't have to like/love my parents.

Sorry, but this has to be said:

LEAVE TORI ALOOOOONNNNNE!!! *sobs*

"I'm 100% behind Tori Spelling!" is not something I ever thought I'd hear myself say but, yeah, there it is. As someone who doesn't get along with her own mother I think she's taking the right approach. You can't force or beg a relationship with a parent, they have to meet you half way. Reconciling because you "have to" is a surefire way to insure things fall apart again.

that's not my name

Didn't Candy make sure that Tori was not in her dad's will and Tori had to beg her for money at one point? I'm ashamed to even know that....

Acolyte

@JessaFields: I always knew that Donna Martin would be big in Japan. They appreciate a good mermaid.

@CurtCole: and her book cover looks like the aftermath of a Haloween-candy binge.

CurtCole

Thats was bullshit I would have smacked them ... how do they know whats gone on? how rude

Hey, you, Tori. We, as panelists on The View, feel that your family issues are our business, and we deem them baloney. Now, just ignore the fact that your mother is an insane egomaniac and make up with her LIVE on national teevee. Because only we know what's best for you, Tori. Barbara Walters needs your brain, er, apology for sustenance.

I just finished watching this (West Coast time) and it was wildly uncomfortable. I mean, self-indulgent or not, the way Babs was trying so hard to pressure her to reconcile on the show. It was like someone was screaming in the ear piece, "Keep going! Get her to crack!"

@Trulymadlyme: Me, too. She did the Japanese a lot better than the French.

JessaFields

Harpies.

Obviously Tori is there to promote 90210, her book, etc. etc. not because she wants to make amends with her mom.

Shut up Babawawa.

IrockIroll

I think I going to call my mom and thank her for not being Candy Spelling.

I hate to admit this, but I read her book sTori Telling in like, two days. It's a great trashy vacation book. She's like a 13 year old girl in a 30 year old's body.

She talks about her mom in the book and she does sound pretty awful.

BTW: On her website is an entire section devoted to positive things people had said about her on the internet, all listed under "Fan Musings".

Jeez..leave the woman alone... There ARE some mothers not worth talking to. There are some mothers who have abused their children to the point that, these children know what is good for them: STAYING AWAY from those mothers.
UGH!

Candy Spelling's name sounds like a pre-school teacher in the Harry Potter series.

CurtCole

I'm not a Tori Spelling fan, but I must say I love this expression on her. Also, way to not be peer pressured on national freakin' TV.

"It's about the children."

Tori, dear, karma is a bitch. Not just in the spiritual sense. You are setting an example for your children, and not a good one. Don't be shocked if you feel abandoned by them 40 years from now.

hello.kitty

I was irrationally happy to see that Donna Martin has risen from the TV grave...speaking Japanese!

@hello.kitty: "But if you had such a toxic and poisonous relationship would you use the media to tell your story?"

Uh, she was trying to promote her CAREER, and the women at The View wouldn't sut up about her mother. It's none of their fucking business, and she made that pretty clear.

Your relationship with your mother is not the same as everyone else's.

"I want to see Tori take the higher road and set an example for her children."

And maybe that "example" is to not talk and engage a toxic, self-involved person.

nakedscience

@ElleL: Yeah. Barbara Walters makes me sad every time I see a clip of this show. She sold her relevance and integrity for a song, it seems.

Good for her for sticking to her guns while on tv with that bunch.

"What about the children?!" seems like a poor excuse most of the time. A toxic relationship is toxic to more than the two involved - vapors move quickly, people!

@that's not my name: Um, I am embarrassed to admit this, but I recently read a short story by Dean's wife all about the split up. It was in an anthology of stories by women about terrible moments in their lives or some such. In any case, Dean basically came back from shooting a movie with Tori and acted distant and lame, until she (the ex wife) finally got him to admit he'd had an affair and was in love with Tori Spelling. It was totally out of the blue and incredibly lame. THere was some other horrible aspect of the story that I am forgetting, but it certainly sealed my dislike of both Tori and this Dean guy. Blech.

margareita metermaid

Baba was talking out of the pain she suffered in her relationship with her own daughter.

@Hamsterpants: No kidding. Sometimes relationships are just toxic and there's nothing you can do. Its an incredibly hard decision for a child to decide they want nothing to do with their mother, regardless of their age.

Blood doesn't mean everything.

Fuck you Barbara

Spritie

@that's not my name: Right?! I hate it when people serve up slutshami at every possible moment.

@hello.kitty: Uh, as someone who hasn't had anything to do with her mother for a good 13 years, I think you are making quite the judgement call.

Spritie

Poor Tori. It is not her odd looks that trouble me, it is what she does to those looks.

@maggiemei: It was pretty atrocious. In fact, it was a whole subplot in the original 90210.

JessaFields

@that's not my name: Well, is it okay for me to not respect her for those romantic shenanigans if I assure you that I hold him even MORE reprehensible? I like you effort at understanding and generosity. Unfortunately, I don't hold the same hopes as you. Mere weeks before he left, he and his wife Mary Jo Eustace had adopted a baby girl. Who he also walked out on. I have a hard time imagining he let that move forward knowing he was planning to leave, you know?

@mightykaytor: But if you had such a toxic and poisonous relationship would you use the media to tell your story?

The media is fixated on Tori's and Candy's relationship--it's an Aaron Spelling plot--and both women are using the media to wage their family feud. It's is terribly tragic. Tori's reponses do not sound like a woman who is on the path to healing. If her mother makes horrible threats--which she does--I want to see Tori take the higher road and set an example for her children.

I say this as a middle-aged woman who has spent the last 2 1/2 decades working through my mother/daughter issues. I can sit back and reflect on events, even traumatic ones, with more objectivity and less emotion.
I hope that Tori can learn to do the same.

hello.kitty

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): Oh, okay. So she's a horrible, horrible person, while the married man is ... what, non-existant? I mean, he didn't date her or anything while he was married, right? And like, he didn't divorce his wife or anything (AND OH NO THE POOR CHILDREEENNNN!). Nope, not at all. It was all her.

nakedscience

@hello.kitty: The sole reason I will not reconcile with my emotionally and physically abusive mother is because one day I want to have children. I don't want this type of person to be in my children's lives. I will protect my children from what I should of been protected from.

996328013

@that's not my name: Yeah, my "Classy?" reaction was more along the lines of "Dood, she spends 89% of her time on planet earth shilling stuff."

QVC, Hot Dog Heaven, that one time recently when she autographed photos for ten bucks a pop in that hotel meeting room near the airport... AND her reality show features more product placement than you'll get anyplace else.

I mean, I like her a lot, but "classy" would not be my adjective of choice.

@that's not my name: That wasn't slutty, it just wasn't classy.

Majrhoulihan

@Hamsterpants: yeah, but for the money I spend somebody should at least tell me I'm really adopted. That would be kind of sweet.

@nakedscience: Parenting is a very tricky road. No matter how far Tori wants to distance herself, her past will influence her future. That doesn't mean she is doomed to parent poorly. When she is able to come to terms with her past traumas and can speak about it 'dispassionately' (meaning she no longer feels deep instant pain) she will be a truly whole and healthy parent.

hello.kitty

@nakedscience: Yeah, exactly. My mother had a horrid relationship with my grandmother through no fault of my mother's. My grandmother did some awful, awful things to my mother in a very cruel and deliberate manner. And eventually it was best for my mother to just cut my grandmother completely out of her life.

Yet my mom has wonderful and close relationships with my siblings and I. She went out of her way to not repeat the mistakes of her mother. And it was best for us to not have the drama of my grandmother in our lives.

Runaddict

@hello.kitty: I disagree. As someone who loves her parents but chooses to live thousands of miles away for my own sanity I get it. The example she is setting for her children is that no matter what if someone makes you feel bad about yourself you have every right to not go out of your way to have them in your life.

@mightykaytor: it depends on how you define 'forcing'. having a presence in your children's lives is one thing...major holidays, etc. also, not living in the same city or state helps to keep a respectable distance.

@EsmereldaFitzmonster: However, Tori is on the View promoting a book about her personal life, including her relationship with her mother, so asking personal questions is entirely appropriate.

MissyMcCLung

@996328013: i understand that sentiment completely, but after having known about abuse in my own life and in the lives of my friends, i'm thankful that my parents could get past whatever issues they had with their own parents so that i could have a relationship with my grandparents. the only way i can explain it is that as long as you recognize the beef you have is between you and your parent, not your child and your parent, somehow things work themselves out. of course, there are levels of abuse, but as joy said, life is really, really short.

@nakedscience: AGREED. I HATE THIS LOGIC. Since cutting my abusive mother out of my life I have never been happier. You should never have to allow someone abusive in your life just because they birthed you. I also feel that if it was my father that was abusive to me people would understand.

996328013

@hello.kitty: "When she is able to come to terms with her past traumas and can speak about it 'dispassionately' (meaning she no longer feels deep instant pain) she will be a truly whole and healthy parent."

Completely agree with you here--also just a healthy human being (I have two siblings in mind when I think of this.)

While conducting their feud publicly is just kind of trashy, I feel like, if you're constantly in the spotlight and constantly being asked about something that is such a passionate issue for you, some things are bound to be said and then it escalates, no matter how you try to downplay it. As per kissing and making up, I'm of them mind that, with the exception of very rare cases, it's up to the parent to take that first step when there's been mutual estrangement. No matter how old you are, you're always your parents child, and it's up to the parent to be the "adult."

@eidolem: LOL..."Tacky" might be a more appropriate adjective then, I guess.

that's not my name

My brother & Mom experienced a similar rift after the death of my father. They didn't speak for almost a year because of some hurtful exchanges between them. It killed me to see, but I chose to support and listen to each of them privately & seperately, as I knew they would come to reconcile in their own time. They saw each other again for the first time last month, and I can't even tell you how stoked it made me. The thing is, you can't force that. Two people need to make the decision on their own. Wtf, Barbara. This isn't some arc on a soap opera, it's their real lives.

I'm with Tori... Just 'cause some lady is your mom doesn't mean you HAVE to have a relationship with her.

Boo at BabaWaWa and society for reinforcing the idea that maternal relationships have to work even when they cant happen or shouldn't happen.

EKane

@midwesternmom: So this is about her divorce and (getting from other comments) the fact that she did not inherit from her father's passing?

What stupidity on both sides. Just smells like greed to me.

@996328013: I am very sorry and have deep sympathy for your pain. I wish you strength and healing.

I am speaking about Tori Spelling's relationship only. She displays conflict towards her mother. Despite the pain there is still a longing for a relationship with her mother.

hello.kitty

@margareita metermaid: OK, that's very fucked up if any/all of it is true. I admit to not knowing the alleged dirty details of their hookup until now.

I just have a stabby knee-jerk reaction when I think people are playing the 'homewrecker!' card.

that's not my name

UGH - I hate Tori Spelling, but I actually agree with her that if her mom truly wants to resolve this she can deal with it privately, through a phone call or email, and that hashing it out in the public is icky.

MissyMcCLung

@echoparkgal: It isn't slut shaming to call someone out on treating other people terribly. Just because sex is involved doesn't make behavior above comment.

@nakedscience: I'm all for also calling out the husband, but he isn't the one on the View and as someone without cable, I doubt I could pick him out of a line up.

clevernamehere

@rednrowdy: Yeah I get this however I have seen my mother act this way towards her step grand children as well. I would actually be more ok with it even if I was more an out of control teen but for example calling someone fat and ugly just because they get approached by modeling scouts and you didn't and hitting them over it...that is not a psychologically sound person. I don't need to give it a chance to know she will act the same as I have seen with other children. No one took me away from the situation and I had to endure it constantly for years but even if my father had helped me after the first incident...it was a lot to psychologically get over. It was being taught how cruel the world can be from someone so closely related and I will just not place my children in that situation. However if they choose to know her themselves at an age where they can understand that is a different situation.

996328013

@eri401: prior to Aaron's death Candy was often seen in the company of a male "family friend" and Tori was NOT pleased.

raquel8

@clevernamehere: Thanks for this. Tori Spelling and Dean aren't sluts necessarily...but they are selfish people who did abruptly leave their families and are playing out their new relationship in the media. So, I think it is fair that some people mark them as, perhaps not the most classy of celebrities.

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): THIS. i look sideways at her and dean all the time.

i'd love to know how she's going to explain how mommy and daddy met to her kids. will she conveniently leave out "well, daddy was married when he and i fell in love and had tons of sex while on location"? am i alone in wondering about that?

@Santos L Halper: But she writes and speaks about her family! Why is it not their business to talk about what she comes on the show to publicize?

JinxyMcDeath

@Tiger Lourdes: Zombie Hunter: I do the same and that's why I have put 100's of miles between my family and me.

Maybe it's cultural conditioning for me. Being Asian means never ever forgetting my roots and the tight grip my family has on me. I've had to fight very hard to establish my independence, to heal myself.

It is important for me to establish a legacy for my children, so I am learning to heal my pain.

hello.kitty

@that's not my name: I absolutely hate the word classy. I feel it is constantly used to perpetuate society norms and shame you when you step out of line.

996328013

Please, it is ridiculous. "If she wants to see me, she knows where to find me" is not the same thing as "I don't really want a relationship with my mother." They are both being really stubborn and they are making money off of it, too! It's just so fucking odd. I mean, if you don't want to hang out with your mom just say what Angelina did about her dad "some people don't have relationships with their fathers, I'm one of those who don't. It's great when people do, but it's ok if you don't." End of story. Instead, Tori is doing this tap dance where she's all "well, we don't really get along, but you know, if she made an effort..."

JinxyMcDeath

@Hamsterpants: Word.

996328013

@nakedscience: I don't have an abusive parent, so to some extent I am speaking to this out of ignorance (though my mother was severely abused and we have often discussed this).

However, I think it is important to recognize that even abusive parents did some good and acted out of love for you at some point. Most mothers fed you and changed you and tried to comfort you when you cried, and made huge sacrifices for you. Sure they may also have been terribly abusive, or doing all this for their own personal fulfillment, but they did it. Raising a human successfully takes a significant amount of effort.

I am not saying that all people should have a relationship with their parents, individually we need to make the choices that are best for us. But to be true to yourself and your parent you have to look at the whole picture of your relationship, which almost universally (I think) includes some love and caring.

MissyMcCLung

@JinxyMcDeath: Yeah...That is a fair point.

996328013

i cant believe this "show" is influential. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially by her mother.

Gaby Viteri Darczuk

@996328013: This is very true. All the same, I can't help feeling queasy about both of them leaving their families like that. Call me uptight in my middle-class-values, but that just seems very sad.

@rednrowdy: Well she's very frank about it in her book (yes, I've read it -- I'm not ashamed!) so it's not as if they'll be able to maintain much of a deception about it.

kad9k

It's Tori's choice if she wants to have a relationship with her mother. Does it suck she doesn't? Eh maybe. I don't have a relationship with my father and people for the most part, don't badger me about it. I can tell you, prodding someone about why they don't have a relationship is the most awkward thing ever. If a person wants you to know the details, they will probably tell you. Dragging it all out doesn't make it any better.

@kad9k: I read it, too. I don't get the feeling she plans on hiding a single thing.

I flipped on Tori & Dean's show on a whim last year and couldn't believe how charmed I was by her. I think motherhood has grounded her a lot. I've since seen some of the pre-baby episodes and she seemed more flighty and spoiled.

The funny thing is I was watching one day and my husband got really annoyed and said, "Who cares about a couple of rich people and their so-called problems?" I explained how she was essentially cut out of her dad's will and he was shocked -- he had no idea. I think a lot of people still assume she inherited millions. (She got about $800,000, I think.)

kad9k

@Acolyte: Yep. Supposedly her mom convinced her dad to change the will when he was on his deathbed and really out of it. The estate was worth $300 million and Tori got about $800,000.

kad9k

@shananigans aka cookie pants!: in all fairness, tori couldn't have been surprised that baba wawa was needling her. baba wawa is a member of the media and a fairly prominent one at that, and if she skimmed over it and didn't mention it, the audience would have said "why didn't you ask her?!". besides, here we are talking about baba's line of questioning. RATINGS!

Ugh. This is so AWKWARD. Let them live their lives.

@that's not my name: Except... it was still his choice. He's the one, in the end, that wrecked his own home.

the tone of Barbara's voice: "why don't you pick up the f**king phone and work things out already!"

Candy is a bitch. Tori got a measly $700,000 from the entire Spelling estate worth hundreds of millions of dollars, and here was this whore on national TV about two weeks ago trying to pimp her gaudy $150,000,000 mansion..

And STFU, Bawawawa. "Cwalll your motha"... what are you, my Jewish grandmother??

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): Jeez...look at the role model she had for "wife and mother". I really dont think Candy had even close to a normal relationship with Aaron. She is a gold-digger straight up. Tori should be commended for never devolving into a drug induced hell of a lifestyle. We don't know anything about her husband's first marriage save what a bitter ex with an ax to grind has to say. Tori's own ex came out and spoke his peace but no one is saying that her current husband broke up that marriage.

Stephanie Dawes

@dickorydock: I know what you mean. My mother did a lot of similar stuff to me that Tori's mom did to her (on a much less grand scale of course.) As soon as my father died I became public enemy #1, and I had never known that while he was alive the only reason she never outright abused me was to ensure that she would hold all the financial cards once he was gone.

People idealize the mother-daughter relationship to such an extreme, I almost think people like that are babies for not knowing how to live without a mother's regard for their well-being.

Stephanie Dawes

@MissyMcCLung: Sorry but my mother did all that caretaking shit for me, to an obsessive neurotic point, but that's because I was her meal ticket. If she hadn't put up the front of being a "good" mom, my dad would have left her, and so would have his salary, pension, investments, real estate, etc. She chose to be a stay at home mom so she could have an excuse to not make anything of herself, and capitalize on "half of yours is mine" logic of marriage. Now that she's a widow, she gets to call the shots, and because my dad so completely trusted her to take care of BOTH his children, he never gave me any info I need to protect myself.

Some people simply hate themselves and take it out on the people they are expected to love. You don't have to hate them and become them, but you don't have to love what cannot be loved.

Stephanie Dawes

@Quecchua ( Subversive Unschooling Witch): My ex-MOL is definitely one of those.

DontFearTheReaper

I always love the ladies on The View (minus Elisabeth), but they got a wee bit judgemental on this one for me. It's not always so easy to reconcile with family members. When Babs and Joy told her to just call her mother, I bet she was thinking, "Gee, I never thought of that!"

dj_chick

Bravo to Tory and shame on The View. I'm a big, big fan of the show but seriously, butting into this very disfunctional relationship like they know best, shame on them. It was obvious from the 20/20 interview that Candy was and is a raving narcissist and Tory had to suffer a childhood with a mom who cared more for hoarding collections than the emotional needs of her children.

I've never seen this kind of thing on The View. It was just embarassing and stupid.

olly-wang

Wow, this clip really hit home for me.

I'm going through a really rough patch with my mother right now and I'm desperate to move out, despite having no money. I haven't been able to tell anyone safe for my boyfriend about the way my mother treats me because they wouldn't believe me, and I'm scared to cut her out of my life because I know people are just going to say the same thing Barbara did and make me feel like shit.

Why can't you pick your parents like you pick your friends?

Arkaina

I refuse to watch the clip, but if you are interested in the topic, I recommend "Her Last Death" a memoir by Susanna Sonnenberg.

About Tori, I used to watch Tori and Dean when I was on the treadmill at the gym. She seemed sweet and funny...but maybe that was just the script. I don't know, but she seems okay.

MollyMcBitter

@JinxyMcDeath: You do have a point, but I don't see it as being stubborn. I see at Tori saying, "If she wants to change, she can come and find me."

undomesticgoddess is grace personified

Weighing in (like y'all care): This was MONDO awful to do to her on national television (even if she is in some commenter's words "a husband stealing wench"). Relationships between mothers and daughters are almost always fraught with tension and difficulty - even if your Mom is not a complete word-for-portion-of-anatomy (you pick). HOWEVER as Babs states - they've both made themselves fair game by blabbing it in their respective booky-wooks.

I think they might just deserve the relationship they have.

@lurkystars: I have so much respect for her! Those ladies should mind their own fucking business.

MarissaExplainsItAll

@BeckySharper: Aren't you amazed that there's a view episode where Elizabeth isn't the worst part of it?

MarissaExplainsItAll

@mervbaby: Candy or Tori? Either way, it's really sad.

MarissaExplainsItAll

@Arkaina: You have to do what is best for YOU. And if people don't believe you? Tell 'em to suck it.

dj_chick

Between this and the Julia Roberts "stretched out" incident, can we please just take The View and nuke it from space already? The appalling tabloid expose' treatment makes me embarrassed on their behalf (because they don't have the sense to be embarrassed themselves). And the obnoxious, relentless "my way is the right way" judgment... kill it with fire. nuke it from space.

I'm not a huge Tori Spelling fan, but here is a woman who is firmly and repeatedly saying she will not air her private and complex family issue on national television, and attempting to handle a highly offensive situation with grace. That earns my respect. The View trying to badger her into Jerry Springer behavior to boost their ratings does not.

News flash: some parents are really shitty parents and even more shitty persons. They're not always in the right by default just because they're parents. If Tori Spelling feels a relationship with her mother is not healthy or necessary, then respect her judgment. Since she is the only one who can know enough to make that decision. If she feels she wants to handle a private matter private, then treat her like the adult she is and back the fuck off, View.

grrl

@grrl: oops. "handle a private matter privateLY"

grrl

@Hamsterpants: So true. I know a mom who said to her daughter, while they were sitting in family therapy, "I don't want a relationship with you." And she meant it. They have no relationship now. So put that in your pipe, Barbara, and smoke it.

@little_engine_that_could: I know, I've always had the impression that Tori Spelling was this kinda flighty screwed up little girl. And there she displayed an incredible amount of maturity, composure, dignity and grace.

grrl

@MissyMcCLung: I don't know how to express this diplomatically, but I think you should've stopped at "I don't have an abusive parent, so to some extent I am speaking to this out of ignorance". ;)

Your reasoning there is absolutely no different than saying to a victim of domestic abuse, "but despite the abuse, he clearly loves you in the best way he can and having a marriage takes a huge amount of effort, so really, you should keep in touch and you know, give him a break". You also seem to be assuming that children of abusive parents don't recognize the good qualities along with the bad.

grrl

@shananigans aka cookie pants!: It was like someone was screaming in the ear piece, "Keep going! Get her to crack!"

*L* I had that impression as well.

grrl

@Hamsterpants: *L* I know far too many people estranged from one or more parents, so I've heard that sentiment as well.

grrl

@nakedscience: Oh, I barely know about the asshole husband...so he is under my radar...the famous one is and will always be Tori. That is all. Both are assholes...but Tory is the shiniest one.

@that's not my name: Right. OVer here in Toronto is a very well-known fact that Mary Jo (the idiot's ex-wife) didn't have a clue the marriage was "not well"...They were in the process of adopting a little girl. And they did..and then very soon after(or right before, i don't remember) Poof, the fucker is gone! And he refuses to parent her at all. Like the little girl never existed.
I don't believe in man-stealers, or home-wrecking, I believe in assholes, know what I mean?

@MissyMcCLung: Just because someone feeds you, means it's out of love. Sometimes that's just what you have to do to keep your kid and keep out of jail. And God knows if you didn't then the neighbors would talk, and we can't have that.

Love doesn't have to have a damn thing to do with it.

SuperSally

@BabyJane: I always thought my family was so crazy and awful when I was growing up (and they actually kind of are), but as far as the parenting aspect they did a pretty good job with limited resources. I was astonished to hear when I was older about all the truly horrible, abusive things some parents do to their kids, it's really heartbreaking. I don't know too much about Tori and Candy, but hearing that her mother called her ugly as a child is enough for me! Sad!

goldengirl11 (is way too earnest)

@lurkystars: I agree. It's concerning that these ladies feel they can talk to her like this about something that clearly goes deeper than just a disagreement.

diamondtattoo

@hello.kitty: I'm very glad that you've come to terms with your own problems with your mother/daughter issues ... however, what you just said strikes me as incredibly condescending.

Frances Henderson

That website... She's written a long autobiography, and then her kids get a couple of cheap-looking photos? Egomaniac is right.