Sam Newman Asks All The Single Ladies To Put Your Hands Up

Finally, the moment every red blooded woman in this fine country of ours has been waiting for… a chance to win the heart – or at the very least, the arm – of legendary lothario and noted feminist Sam Newman. Sure, it’s only for one night – but what a night!

Yes, it seems Sam’s on the prowl for a date to the Logies, and he’s willing to take just about any kind of female along. C’mon, bitches – you know you want to! Don’t force him to dress up a mannequin for the occasion, you know how that shit ends (hint: not well).

“At this stage I’m putting out a call for anyone to come with me — man, woman or beast,” Newman said. “It’s getting close now and I’m running out of offers.”

With the big night less than a week away Newman said he was widening his search.

“I’m looking around right now to see who might still be available,” he said. “I’m just living in hope that someone might just turn up with me.”

Given the boos just the mention of his name provoked from the audience during last year’s ceremony, it doesn’t seem all that surprising that womenfolk aren’t lining up to play the role of Mr Sam Newman’s special lady. But listen, assorted hoes – this opportunity is more than simply a chance to be treated like a piece of meat for the evening. It’s a chance to attend TELEVISION’S MOST GLAMOROUS NIGHT OF NIGHTS.

Even Sam can’t stop gushing about the Logies!

It’s one of the great nights, it’s just such a fantastic night and I wouldn’t miss it,” he said. “We (The Footy Show panel) are just grateful to be invited to the function. Just to be in the room is recognition enough.”

He’s right, you know. I smell a live blog coming… Calm down, I said blog. Honestly, people. Let’s keep it clean today.

MORE: Sam Newman desperate for date for Logie Awards