Oh, Scarlett, We Were Talking About Your Tits

Well he Tate no journalist, but we love him anyway.

(This is supposed to be a pun, not a typo.)

@TedSez: So that's what's going on - Scarelett's trying to keep the Woody Allen gig by making herself look more like Soon-Yi.

Meanwhile, Woody Allen is trying to sign Christina Hendricks for his next six movies. (Don't do it, Christina -- it's a trap!)

@TedSez: They're just trying to keep abreast of the latest titillating developments.

When people described her as 'beautiful,' did she really think they were talking about her face?

"Boobs, Tits, Cans, jugs, funbags."

You've forgotten a few: melons, headlights, airbags, gazongas, puppies.

This post needs to be more servicey.

Perhaps a nude before shot, you know, for some context?

And by nude, I mean Scarlett, not Ryan Tate.

resipsaloquacious

I'm racking my brain trying to think of why these boobs in the media care about what huge movie stars at the top of their games did to deserve their treasure trove of good fortune.

At least she got it off her chest.

Tits? Tits? Where? Where ? Did someone say tits? Did I hear someone, any one say tits?

I.am.the.1

I always knew you guys at Gawker were the cup is half empty types.

@formerly it takes a lot to laugh: I just fell in love with you.

@Mount_Prion: 'taint funny

Well if mammary serves, I believe ScarJo did her breast to get into the gossip items earlier in her career. @Kid Twist:

resipsaloquacious

@hatey: set of healthy lungs

slainte_pants

To paraphrase Joan Rivers' new book title, "Men Are Stupid ... And They Like Big Boobs"

so true.

What’s strange about her response is that Ryan Tate was complimentary of he "deflated" physique, calling it "frankly elegant."

I still don't see the difference between the photos. It's a called a push up bra/dress/whatever. It...pushes them up. Therefore looking bigger...and you know, pushed up. She is most likely the same weight.

Jenmcb

I hear she's auctioning the tissues that she now stuffs with on Ebay right now.

Didn't she realize there was a reason America still loved her despite being in The Island and her mediocre acting in general? C'mon, Scarlett...

wasurhandle

Fun Fact: If they do deflate, the skin never really contracts, leaving them to look like circus tents with no circus.

LeeroySpitzer

@wasurhandle: Knockers. Globes. Spheres. Mounds. Guns.

Understater

@Jenmcb: I agree -- it appears to be a matter of dress cut and undergarmentage.

@hatey: I appreciate how meaningful that is coming from someone named hatey.

@slainte_pants: what about dirty pillows? A pair of dirty pillows, anyone?

wasurhandle

You all should be ashamed. I usually love gawker's snark, but when Scarlet called you on it, you shoulda taken your comeuppins and apologized. Jeez. Don't act like 'US' and 'Star'... ya'll are better than that.

orisci

@LeeroySpitzer: That brings to mind a very unpleasant picture.

Scar,

Meet me at the urth cafe on santa monica tomorrow at noon. I'll explain everything then.

@resipsaloquacious: Duly seconded.

Goethewritesdrivel

@orisci: Yeah, I know, but based on the past and persistent admiration of her body by the editors and commenters alike, I thought it was clear that he was saying she looked good either way.

@orisci: Apologized for what, exactly?

@Colonel Mustard: I was really hoping i'd be the first to say that. Kudos.

Well, F you too!! Damn, try to help someone out by subtly informing them that the new look has taken things from hot-as-a-gallon-o'-lava, to 'Poor girl! What do ya think, honey?? Drugs? Maybe she's started goin' to church with TomKat, or somethin'?', and whatdaya get? A bunch a damn bitchin'.

@iplaudius: She doesn't want to encourage that sort of fatphobia

orisci

@RonMwangaguhunga:

And she says that like it's a bad thing?

Ah, so the second 't' is silent.

@wasurhandle: Wait up! At least in The Island she wore a form-fitting unitard.

Goethewritesdrivel

@Kid Twist: Even so, I'd prefer we nip this kind of thing in the bud.

@Mount_Prion: If ya gotta 'splain, ya can't.

Goethewritesdrivel

@hatey: Winnebagos, The Girls, ta-tas, chi-chis . . .

SugartitsMcFirecrotch

@mmstk101: something about mary, anyone?

m4ximusprim3

Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got huge... tracts o' land.

@Goethewritesdrivel: Thirded and fourthed. One vote each!

m4ximusprim3

@Goethewritesdrivel: And why did they do that? Cause America wouldn't sit through that suck-fest without her in a good form-fitting unitard. There should be American Apparel ads with her in that unitard, like what they did with Woody Allen.

wasurhandle

@TedSez: Basically, she wants you to bid "ta-ta for now" to her curvier self, and nuzzle up to the idea that she's healthier.

Scooter34

Okay, let's play a game.

How many movies/videos has ScarJo been in where her body was a deliberate costar?

I mean, really, chickie. You were in your underpants in that movie about nannies. I'm thinking you're causing these body image issues more than leading the torch of goodwill against them. Pffftttt!

Deep Thoughts by Scarlet Johandey. Heh.

Spirit Fingers

Dear Huffington Post,

Please stop making pretty actresses think they are essayists. It turns them into assholes you see, and we have collectively hired them merely to be 1)pretty, 2)short and 3)thin and/or buxom.

Thank you.

The_Rodge

@Richard Lawson: Well, I at first read the Ryan Tate as you all making fun of the tabloidy coverage of ScaJo's weight. I didn't read it as more of the same promotion of the dominant body paradigm and picking ScaJo apart. In fact I even liked the line it ended on, "Particularly if one is insane with jealousy at Johansson's frankly elegant new look." But you really went on the attack with this response, and so I have to conclude I was wrong as "the defamer doth protest too much," and you did in fact intend to promote lascivious body-shrinkage idolatry. What you shouldn't have done, Lawson, is dig yourself into a deep hole (perhaps with your sister column, Jezebel as well)with this blatantly offensive post. You started off by saying her assistant wrote it and then proceeded to slobber all over her breasts (and not in a good way). Your last line in particular made my gut turn. "But we were just talking about your cans, love. Your precious, precious, career-making cans." Really dear Lawson? REALLY? Wow. Way to snatch her touching performance in Lost in Translation right out of her hands and place all of her career success on her ta-tas. That's just idiotic.

orisci

"...straight from my healthy heart"?

Isn't she a smoker?

ktclementine

@Richard Lawson: I guess that's the most coherent response you could manage for my dig at your post? Sad for you

orisci

But one must note that in those 2 pics there are very different systems holding up her breasts. In the "big boobie" she is wearing a corset top, which will make any boobs look bigger and bolder, while in the other pic she is not wearing a corset top and is wearing black, which minimizes. As a big boobie gal, I know that it seems like the girls change volume based on the top I wear and bra I wear underneath, yet between tops I am not dramatically losing weight nor getting enhancement surgery.

Just some boob physics for y'all.

quickqueenof

@orisci: Celebrity apologists are the worst.

@TedSez: I'm impressed that she's sticking to her guns.

@orisci: Her acting is mostly a distraction in every movie she has been in since LIT. If not for her breasts, she would be unemployed right now.

@orisci: Let's try another go around. The point of this post is to gently tell Ms. Scarlett that we weren't applying any "Skinny is Better!!!" rubric on her body with that first post. It was merely a comment. "Oh, she looks different."

This is just an attempt to talk her off the sopabox. With a little crass humor thrown in.

@TedSez: Gawker really got caught in the headlights this time.

@orisci: Given that the title of the post is Oh Scarlett, We Were Talking About Your Tits , you were expecting to read an apology? An undeserved one, at that.

@orisci: I honestly can't tell if you are being facetious or not.

The cans are half full - but there is something dead floating in them

NoGrumpys

Why all this discussion of Scarlett's boob shrinkage and yet not a word of the far greater loss to civilization: the transition of Jennifer Connelly from the Holy Crap!! level of boobage in "Career Opportunities" to the Um Where Are They Plz? level in her more recent films. THAT, friends, is the real crime.

@formerly it takes a lot to laugh: See, now that's well-executed snark. We could use more of that around here.

@Dave J.: My God, so I'm not the only one who's been wondering that all these years?

What a relief.

I appreciate how she flouts Jewish stereotypes, such as that one about Jews supposedly being so smart.

@RonMwangaguhunga: I just want it known that I never authorized that biography.

The authorized one is titled World's Greatest Lover Tells All. Accept no substitutes.

@quickqueenof:

That last line would be a great name for a science requirement.

@[gawker.com] ) and I was informed that it's not a corset, it's a bustier. Cheers, and I fully support your girls!

@LeeroySpitzer: A post-nursing mother I know said they get to be"like rocks in a sock." Then she went on to explain about how the nipples change, and I ran and hid.

(This is where I'd normally add "yeah, I suck", but not this time.)

How dare Defamer make the suggestion that Scarlett Johansson is only famous because of her tits!

Everyone knows it's because of her ass:

eatsshootsleaves

@metoometoo: "promotion of the dominant body paradigm" = either facetious, or Jezerious.

does that mean u can date her now that she called out ur story?

no mention of the nose job?

nolitanonny

@fluffybudgie has an avatar: or freshman.

@eatsshootsleaves: thank you.

@LeeroySpitzer: Does the same thing happen to the fake ones though? I thought they were stapled to the clavicle.

@JudgeFudge: I'll wipe my tears with those anytime.

@eatsshootsleaves: I was under the impression that was a body double.

I have the biggest crush on her...well she's still tied with Jessica Alba but whatever.

@formerly it takes a lot to laugh: Freshwoman?

@thevirginconnieswayle: I don't claim to be an expert on the subject, but when my college gf got them (mommy paid, hooray!), you actually had to massage them daily to make sure they didn't stick or something like that.

very awkward to do, actually, because it obviously hurt like hell. Not very erotic.

m4ximusprim3

Well, the good thing about a flat chest is that it's easy to do lines off of:
[gawker.com]

PomPom

People who meet her claim she's actually very skinny in person and always was, with curves, possibly implants. Gawker ought to be above devoting a post to women's anatomy when there's real gossip to discuss. A-Rod and the chef for example.

frizzynew

@resipsaloquacious: Um, one vote for Ryan?

Former Super Pregnant Intern!

@resipsaloquacious: Um...could I place a minority vote for the Ryan Tate nude shot?

LilyBlue

Backpeddle, Gawker, backpeddle.

librarysmut

@orisci:

You had me at "comeuppins."

But then you lost me at "snatch."

LilyBlue

@eatsshootsleaves: I thankye sir.

@The_Rodge: Correction> There shouldn't be a /or after thin... just the and.

This is just another example of how media objectify women. Rather than focusing on something like her acting abilities, the article is consumed with the idea of her breasts. In this capacity, Scarlett is simply an object for the amusement of the author, a male, and anyone who chooses to accept the dominant message, which I believe suggests that Scarlett can be summed up and defined by her breasts. Even more insulting is the words used to describe her lady parts, including tits and cans. The vulgar nature further sexualizes and commodifies Scarlett. Also, it is annoying how the blog admits to focusing on her breasts to avoid being blamed for contributing to the media's weight obsession. The discussion of Scarlett's boobs is just as bad as a critique her weight!

Sarah Williams

@LilyBlue: I will also vote for Ryan Tate. Doesn't need to be all nude, just topless.

@Richard Lawson: she's right about being on her stupid, stupid soapbox though, which is unfortunate because she's a terribly vapid, stupid woman who thinks of herself as being very, very clever. i'm not really sure how many people had to comment on tate's first post about this that she doesn't appear to have lost weight -- she just isn't wearing an incredibly tacky titty top in the "skinny" picture -- to get the subject dropped around here but c'mon. you are right, gawker/defamer/valleywag/where am i? was just referring to the level she's put her cans at but it is actually totally dismissive and nasty towards people who actually have problems to speculate like this.

rant has nothing to do with your actual post btw, which i think this "orisci" person is completely f'ing overreacting to. has a lot to do with tate's 3 (4?) posts about scarjo's "deflating" rack.

@Solomon Grundy: You get worse every time you post.

CreampuffTKO

@SugartitsMcFirecrotch: If I may quote an esteemed Gawker commenter: Hey heys.

CreampuffTKO

@CaptainFantastic: What is going on between you and Bookish Lookish? Or is she just the Gawker town pump?

CreampuffTKO

@Dave J.: Do you also go around telling children that Santa Claus is not real?

eatsshootsleaves

@TimGunn: I say all nude

Worst Spelling Ever

@Richard Lawson:

And you're a bad man. A very, very bad man. That's the most coherent response I could manage. Sad for me.

tarawanna

@CreampuffTKO: Gazoingas.

@bytememehard: Negitori. Even her SHINS are thinner now. Check out her upper arms for a really obvious change. Engineering can do amazing things for boobage, but her weight loss shows all over, including her face.

And she's not that hung up on health, of course. Smokes like a chimney.

@wasurhandle: actually no one sat through the Island that movie bombed at the box office. So there goes your theory.

Lincolnsbeard33

@m4ximusprim3: Okay, between the painful boob massages and the nipple removal, I'm officially never going the enlargement route.

@The Defeatery:

What a meloncholy state of affairs.

@CreampuffTKO: Tell us more.

Scarlett will not need to deal with any motorboats in her upcoming film.

Joey_Brill