Would You Eat George Clooney’s Sweat?

Personally, I refuse to believe that George Clooney’s sweat was nearly used to make tofu flavouring at PETA’s request, but that’s what The Internet™ is saying and it is my duty to inform you of such idiocy, so let’s get on with it.

Animal rights group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) want to create the unusual vegetarian food by extracting George’s salty perspiration from his used gym towel.

The organisation wrote to the handsome actor asking for permission to create the product, saying: “The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney-flavoured tofu (CloFu). Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don’t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn’t know how to cook it.”

Yes, I’m sure the folks out there who worry about the taste of tofu would completely change their minds once they knew sweat had been extracted from a celebrity’s gym towel and somehow used to flavour the product. I MEAN, REALLY.

“The science is pretty straightforward. According to Dr. Kevin Keener of Purdue University, all animals – including human beings – have unique odour profiles. Dr. Harry Lawless of Cornell University reports that if you use a sample of human perspiration, it is no different than making artificial chicken flavour for instant gravy.” The group obtained the towel from a fan, who was planning to put it up for auction until PETA came up with the alternative idea.

Happily, George Clooney isn’t an idiot.

Despite PETA’s excitement about the possible product, George has declined the offer. The 47-year-old actor released a tongue-in-cheek statement saying: “As a mammal, I’m offended.”

Maybe if it wasn’t George Clooney’s sweat, but someone else I’m more attracted to, I’d be interested in eating the sweat-flavoured tofu. Would you eat celebrity sweat flavoured tofu? Which celebrity? Humour me.

Also, this cannot actually be a real news story. C’mon. Really? REALLY, PETA?

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