Perez Hilton’s Birthday Party: The Sponsorship Pitch

@Aatom:
Yeah, but how the hell did Bustelo get involved with this shit-fest? Isn't Bustelo like the cheap coffee brand for 70-year-old Puerto Rican ladies?

@BookishLookish: i'm in if you can produce a satisfactory number of d-list "celebrities"... if whitney from the city is on your guest list i'll even bring a present! (and also come to nyc in the first place, since i'm only a new yorker in my imagination)

tigolbitties

I think I speak for everyone when I say: WTF, people, w.t.f. How does penises scrawled across celebrity photos alongside semi-literate chatter translate into this level of fame and financial reward? And what does this say about America's decaying moral center?

Finally -- Why the fuck aren't I as famous?

@Thatcornellguy: is that even b-list?

tigolbitties

@Molly Holly: Molly, how horrific. What do you say to a huge sponsored event with a guestlist of other celebrity victims to tell the world about your ordeal?

Not The Red Baron

If I wear one of those free paper crowns for my birthday does that mean Burger King is my sponsor too???

I was in Austin for SXSW last week and he was straight up denied for a little boots party thrown by sup magazine. Even the girl working the door said "Am I supposed to know who he is?" He made it in but not after some slight embarrassment.

LuxePosh

@BookishLookish: Ack, it will be BYOL. Coffee!

BookishLookish

@formerly it takes a lot to laugh: It will BYOL.

BookishLookish

@BookishLookish: Well, only if you add K-Y for those power tools.

And he uses that awful Pepto-Bismol color, the same that Gawker's been sporting for McQueen...I get queasy seeing it.

@BookishLookish: I'll double it if KY add some freebies to the equation.

Not The Red Baron

@friend_of_a_friend: No, it says on the ad that last year was Quinceañera part 1 on his 30th b-day and now they're just calling it a quinceañera every year because he's cuban and gay and unoriginal.

My third quinceanera ("keence" for you gringos) is around the corner and will be sponsored by Moet et Chandon, the North American Strawberry Growers Association, and Snap-on Power Tools. Who's in?

BookishLookish

Perez Hilton molested me once. This brings back terrifying memories.
I'm a girl! Why did he even try?

Molly Holly

There's just too much wrong here, so I'll focus on this: "Diva" is not. a proper. noun.

Although the fact that this douchetard's 31st birthday party has marketing materials at all, let alone ones that require copy editing, makes me want to drown my afternoon in whiskey.

@hortense: And "Dannie" Minogue.

katekate is squared

I love that he is having this party at one of the SMALLEST venues in LA. Are they going to curtain off the sidewalk for the VIP room?

If he's 31 then I'm bloody 23!! Liar or hard life?? Tough pick.

OneAngryMouthyBroad

I don't think Perez Hilton and 'once in a lifetime' should be in the same sentence.

summeroflove

@Colonel Mustard: please refrain from using the word 'fist' in any form when referring, even only if tangentially, to Perez Hilton.

plz n' thnx.

@Smitros: Mechanic for the Dodge Dartre.

BookishLookish

@BadUncle: Add a Bustelo cafe con leche and I'm good for a fin.

BookishLookish

@NicoleItchy: Is his office still at the Coffee Bean since he can't afford wireless?

just about the only ausome star there was Dannii (yes 2 "n"s and 2 "i"s) Minogue, the low rent younger sister to the hottest slut in the world Kylie!

tracyschmick

Little known fact: As part of the settlement of a lawsuit involving the disappearance of co-owner Anthony Fox in 2001, Johnny Depp (co-owner) had to relinquish his ownership of the Viper Room in 2004.

Apparently Fox and Depp had been involved in long-running legal battle over the venue, with Fox alleging he was defrauded of profits from the club.

If only Johnny Depp could make Perez Hilton disappear, the world would be a better place.

@optical_allusion: is this going to be a celebration of the B-List?

@HiredGoons: uggghhhh goosbumps at the thought...

Kitten_Witawip

When Perez changed commenting to a sign in thingy I bailed. I know only oh, 5% of the dingbats he was talking about and it got to feel like a giant Disney Channel porn movie. Happy Birthday though, Perez. I admire how he turned blogging into an artform.

TroisFilles

@Gena Radcliffe: Piers Morgan? A Minogue who is not Kylie? Tiffany?

@Kitten_Witawip: and vodka.

@Kitten_Witawip: Yeah, I don't really see an need for him have any sexual lubricant. At least I hope not.

God I hope not.

@Kitten_Witawip: Is KY cheaper than hair gel?

The best part is that the Viper Room is a sleazy little black box live music venue that is iconic only because River Phoenix died there. Don't get me wrong — it's a fun space, and they get a lot of great bands, both discovered and un- — but a posh, comfortable party lounge it's not. Also, the "VIP" room is the size of a fistula.

Frankie Delgado, Khloe K....nothing like getting reality show supporting cast members. All that's missing is Glen Humplik from MTV's ill-fated The Tom Greene Show. Am I going too far back?

@HiredGoons: I think the only product he actually uses is Burger King.

Kitten_Witawip

@sassenach: These 15 minutes have gone on forever ... He's so rich now, you don't even know. He makes $100K a day, at least, on ads.

@ceejeemcbeegee... twitterin' and tumblr-in': This is last year's ad.

friend_of_a_friend

@Aatom: Never do I want to use "Burger King" and "KY Jelly" in the same sentence

@Bentpost: LOL!

Who?

Aidan_

Yikes. "Katie" Perry must be psyched to have her name spelled wrong on a Perez Hilton birthday invitation.

How is this a Quinceanera (part 2). He's 15 x 2 = 31?

Perez Hilton is a less leggy version of Ann Coulter, he adds nothing good to this world in any way shape or form.

He is loathsome, and despite me knowing it will fuck up my karma big time, I hope he chokes on his birthday cake.

@Aatom: That he's an over-caffeinated fast-food eating lush with a fake tan, who uses too much 'product'?

I am so glad he's on the other side of the continent. However, thanks to the proliferation of mass media, it feels like his braying donkey-face is right next to me!

Srsly Marc Jacobs?

Has anyone else pointed out the parallel between Hilton and Forrest Gump? I'm sure others have made that comparison. I can't be the first.

@OMG! Ponies!:

I thought Sartre's first career choice was pet groomer.

@sassenach:

Agreed.

@HiredGoons: This is why Jean-Paul Sartre failed as an event planner.

The sponsors tell you everything you need to know about this clown.

There's nothing more depressing than the fact that Perez Hilton has "flacks" and I don't.

Has Perez's fame yet reached the level where he is compelled to draw penises coming out of his own mouth?

GeraldineHyperion

When will the honeymoon be over so I never have to see his stupid face again?

What is up with the photoshopped cigarette hanging out of Perez's mouth? He never fails to call people who smoke out and try to embarrass them. Also, he completely ridiculed Lindsay Lohan's people for doing this exact whorish thing for a party a couple of years ago.

Note to self- get sponsors for upcoming 40th birthday party- Metamucil, Ben Gay, whoever makes vericose vein cream... we can blow this Hilton kid out of the water.

ocpd301

Welcome to Hell, you'll be spending (what feels like) an eternity in The Viper Room.

- Devil

Andy Milonakis? Seriously? Did I wake up in 2004? What a random and sad collection of people.

Gena Radcliffe

He's loathsome, but I can't begrudge him trying to many bank during his 15 minutes.

sassenach

The Viper Room is a not-so-big building in front of which an unfortunate man died.

@OMG! Ponies!: or "vaguely sad things"

Bo_Thunder

Burger King, KY and F List celebrities -- yessssss!

Party favors include cum stains done by professional face painters.

nutellagirl (nigeriangirl)

OK, I'll pony up $50 if I can watch Burger King do Amanda Bynes.

Why isn't this tagged "fameballs" as well?

Yeah, brands paying for exposure on a website based on the media kit's claimed impressions... Ha. As if...

DJ AM, Jerry O'Connell, the Pussycat Dolls ,

meh

but will he have a gay erotic hypnotist?

The last one was sponsored by Burger Kind *and* KY. A bad combination, one would think.

@RonMwangaguhunga:

You may be encumbered by a sense of shame and a desire to contribute to society.

Idiocracy. Perez Hilton will be President in 16 years.

Just when I was convinced he could never be more of a douche nozzle......

I_b_hatin

Is calling him an ass-puppet too harsh...or too descriptive?!

@raphaela: Afterwards, he will be named Secretary general of the United Nations. That's how this world seems to be devolving.

@Smitros: so true, Smitros. *gently sobs*

@Botswana Meat Commission FC: they're trying to hip themselves up. they were all over sxsw last week. i even got a shirt!

@NicoleItchy:

$100k in pesos.

@yourfriendandneighbor: And apparently a 15-year-old girl wearing a frilly dress.

Chuck Basketcase

I had this hope that individually we could together stop Perez Hilton. Like, when I realized it was trash no longer worth reading, I stopped visiting the site. I absolutely refuse to click any links to it. That's the only way to make it go away. I was kind of hoping that others would also realize it's abusive trash and do the same. Clearly this hasn't happened yet.

But in related news, a similar campaign against The Hills apparently worked.

Chuck Basketcase

JA should loan him her pink dress from her shittily sponsored party last year.

Disco-Johnson

Was Big Lots (discount chain for those of us on the Left Coast) unavailable as a sponsor?

@Not The Red Baron: Oh I'm going to, I just have to finalize the book deal first. It's going to be called He Put His Hands WHERE? and there will be a picture of McCauley Culkin making the Home Alone Face on the cover. And it will be pink.

Molly Holly

@Smitros: The Viper Room is a reasonably sized brothel in Queensland, Australia, inside of which my dignity unfortunately died.

They spelled Dannii Minogue's name wrong :(

patsy-needs-changing

His star-studded birthday bash

Defamer,

Stop referring to the Queen of All Mediaâ„¢ as a man, I imagine it finds it degrading or possibly even confusion-inducing.

Side note: Andy Milonakis - the lovechild of Woody & Soon-Yi?

what's below d-list? thats what this is.

@uninspired: Maybe he could drive up in his Suzuki Swift with Monica Lewinsky?

myoungpeter

With "celebs" like Speidi and Andy Whatshisface, the pictures from last year look like a PSA for abstinence (shock kids into not even risking breeding).

Kristen Johnson