Nickelodeon Declares Chris Brown Unfit for Kids to Choose

Nickelodeon has finally read the internet. A week too late. They sent an urgent memo out today, recognising their dumb mistake in keeping girlfriend-beater Chris Brown among the nominees for their Kids’ Choice Awards.

An anonymous employee at the kiddie network told us that they received the following email this afternoon, in which an emergency is declared and a strict timetable for when all Brown-related Kids Choice Awards material needs to be off the website. The timetable is: IMMEDIATELY! ‘Cause, you know, the stuff’s been up there for weeks now, and it’s probably about time old programmer Gus shuffled in with his mop and bucket and cleaned up this mess. Curious, considering they were all set to stand by him just yesterday. Maybe this is a hoax memo?

Subject: KCA EMERGENCY!

All,
We have to remove Chris Brown from Voting, Nominees & any other content (Flipbooks, Video, UPick)
The plan is to remove CB from Fav Male Singer & Fav Song in Voting as well as Nominees.
[blank] is reformatting the Voting page now. [blank] is working on the Voting backend.
Here are the lists of tasks & responsibilities

Voting:
Reformat Voting by 2m
Voting edit by 3pm

Nominees:
3pm
4pm

Other content:
Video:
Flipbooks:
UPD:
All Site inits:
Message Boards:
SEO:

Producers: Please scan the site & call out any mention of Chris Brown anywhere.

Please report back with your progress.

And, you know, if this email is bogus, we’ll know soon enough. What was it, 4pm?

Update: Brown’s name and face have, in fact, been deleted from the offending pages.