Lohan Mum’s Twitter Stupid — Or Crazy Smart?
Either Lindsay Lohan’s entire crazy family is really on Twitter, or the world’s best comedy writers have taken to the medium. Here are Dina Lohan’s Twitter tales of bad tea, insidious censorship, and “HATERS.”
Dina Lohan, Lindsay’s mum, had a Twitter account registered on March 15, the same day accounts for Aliana “Ali” Lohan and Dakota “Cody” Lohan, Lindsay’s little sister and brother, appeared. One possible reason for the coincidental timing: the leak of Lindsay Lohan’s private messages posted on Twitter.
The Ali Lohan account is pursuing the usual fameball route of self-promotion, with tweets touting her music career. Cody Lohan’s tweets consist mostly of messages for his mum and trash talk for his friends. Either might be reasonably easy to fake.
But Dina Lohan’s messages are sui generis, a whole new kind of Twitter crazy the likes of which the world has never seen before.
For example: Lohan mère has still not figured out, two weeks in, that Twitter updates have a 140-character limit. She keeps accusing unseen forces of “censorship” — at one point, she speculated that Twitter was filtering messages with the word “Xanax” in them — and says she has contacted “tech support.” It would be one thing if she were updating Twitter via cell phone, where it’s easy to miss the limit. But most of her messages are posted from Twitter’s website, which displays a counter showing exactly how many characters are left.
Then there’s the tea. In an attempt to “relax,” Twitter’s Dina Lohan said she was drinking green tea. Green tea, of course, contains caffeine, which can cause nausea and jitters — the exact symptoms of which Lohan complains.
If Dina Lohan did not exist on Twitter, someone would have to invent her. It’s comedy gold — but it seems like way too much work for someone to make up. What the Lohan family has proven, time and again, is that truth is stranger than fiction.
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Comments (AU Comments | US Comments)
It's true, nothing is worse than HAT.
@Solomon Grundy: Wait a minute, is she trash talking about Dr. Seuss? Because she can fuck up her kid all she wants, but she CANNOT hate on my Dr. Seuss.
Scout 3.0
@Solomon Grundy:
That's some bad HAT, Dina.
Does anyone still drink a HAT?
JohnBarrymouse
Bitch be cra
In fairness, Twitter has been glitchy and people's posts have been randomly disappearing lately, and a lot of people thought they were being censored at first.
I take offense to hating on Celestial Seasonings. Not cool.
Strangely, I like her more when it appears she's being abruptly and unwillingly silenced.
limber
I blame Candlejac
kenboy
@sharpshinyclaws: me too! Celestial Seasonings is way better then most of the prepacked stuff out there!
so she got the runs from drinking Smooth Moove tea...? does this really require 6 twittter postings..including a 'I will find the strength to get thru this??' posting
Yes, drinking a tea that you don't particularly care for is often described as a 'living nightmare'.
Almostbanned
@metoometoo: Yeah, my theory was they were being eaten when people would feed their Twitters to their blogs, but I really have no idea.
This can't be real. I say that not dismissively but dreamily-- I am pinching myself and giggling with delight.
She would probably feel better if she had some Activia with that green tea.
@BAngieB: You mean as the first woman on the moon?
@sharpshinyclaws: Celestial Seasonings, how dare she. Especially with all the crappy products her daughter makes, like those leggings.
@Solomon Grundy: I think that was a coded swipe at Sam Ronson.
Wow, did she drop out of school in third grade? Who spells and capitalizes like that?
Also, the cut-off words are a sort of accidental brilliance and really hilarious.
Dinah, don't let all those HAT get you down, you keep doing your thing and befor you know it, you will overcome all the AD, just like Lindsay has had done...had has done...you know wut I mean.
holdenfunk
So..."nothings worse than HAT", huh Dina? Don't talk about Sam that way.
lmao I posted my comment too soon, here's more screencaps from Mattchew talking about the twitter from a post he made just a short time ago: http://i44.tinypic.com/2prfib6.png http://i41.tinypic.com/x6buja.png http://i41.tinypic.com/2lk87y0.png http://i44.tinypic.com/20qz5tf.png
AmityFinch
Dina Lohan's twitter is fake. It was created by an attention-desperate Ohnotheydidn't mod named Mattchew03 (mattchew03.livejournal.com). He also created a fake Rosie O'Donell twitter awhile ago, but stopped when Ro commented on her site that she didn't have a twitter (aka when he got caught and suspended). He constantly boasts about his twitter ~fame~ in an off-topic lj community we're members of. I would link you but it's friends-only. Here's a screen cap of a post someone else made about it: http://i40.tinypic.com/2em1pn8.png & one he made: http://i39.tinypic.com/fvemie.png He's annoying as hell and I'm tired of hearing someone be so proud of something so stupid, so I have no problem helping to out him. If you use this please keep my comment anon ty!
BiancaGrimlet
@BiancaGrimlet: Oops! What a SHA
If you read back a bit, it's clear that she thinks the Twitter character count is some kind of timer and that she has to type fast to fit it all in...fake or not, it's highly entertaining.
working on a saturday owen not typical for you
Sad how Dina looks pretty good while Lindsay...not so much. Why is Lindsay still in the news these days, anyway? Hasn't she crashed and burned long enough? The show's over, folks. Time to find a new train-wreck.
BeldenDolabella
dude has videos of him smoochin' his fugly boyfriend online.
@JohnBarrymouse: I'll drink to that!
c'mon. that ain't real. it's too good.
BaldwinSparrow
I will eat my hat, but I seldom DRINK it...(too scratchy, and then I'm coughing up "hatballs")......but I could "fill it to the rim with Brim", couldn't I?
LucettaGibbon
@metoometoo: Dina Lohan's twitter is written by the user mattchew03 from the livejournal community ohnotheydidn't, Cody Lohan's twitter is written by the user jughoood from the same community
NoahAsclepius
It's fake. Someone on livejournal made it.
RaymondDangler
This Twitter is a fake. I know for a fact. But that doesn't make it UNfunny.
VartanMaguire
This is way wrong, nearly every idiot on twitter has better material than this crap!!! Comedy gold???? please!!! HER CRAP IS, the lower end of boring, no contest,,from the real twitter's on here!!!
QuartilaAnubis