Bingle’N'Pup Watch: An Exciting New Defamer Australia Initiative

The other day I was reading the papers, and I was struck by a brilliant idea. What if instead of simply waiting until (I MEAN ‘WAITING TO SEE IF’!) Lara Bingle and Michael Clarke break up and reporting on that cataclysmic event as it actually unfolds, I constantly monitor their relationship via the tabloids and once a week I’ll alert you to the status of their relationship?

I mean, doesn’t that just sound like a fantastic concept? Dedicating large amounts of my time to the important task of letting you know they’re still together (until they’re not!)? Talking about them over and over and over and over may mean there’s no time for stories of actual importance (like we cover those anyway!), but fuck it – we’ll be totally up to date with Bingle’N'Pup!

ARE YOU UP FOR IT? LET’S DO IT EVERY WEDNESDAY AND IT CAN BECOME OUR “THING” – LIKE USING CAPITAL LETTERS AND QUOTATION MARKS FOR LAME ATTEMPTS AT SHOUTY INTERNET HUMOUR, AND JOHN FARNHAM APPRECIATION!

I know what you’re thinking – “Hey, that’s exactly what the tabloids are doing on a weekly basis, surely you’re just stealing the concept from the social pages and taking the piss out of it because you’re bored… and possibly incredibly on edge because you’ve given up smoking once again and Facebook has morphed into Twitter’s semi-retarded child!”

And when hypothetically faced with your cruel accusations, I shall simply laugh and say shut up, you canny bastard. Shut up and brace yourself for this exciting new initiative’s launch.

BINGLE’N'PUP WATCH!
CURRENT STATUS: STILL TOGETHER.

Phew. Glad that’s out of the way. Let’s meet back here next Wednesday for more of the same.

MORE: Lara Bingle flies to South Africa to join fiance Michael Clarke