When Good Chimps Go Bad…

Firstly, this post title is a lie. There are NO good chimps. I used to work at the Zoo, and lemme tell you – keepers are the nicest, most loving people on earth… and they still described chimpanzees to me as “the Ivan Milats of the animal kingdom”. True!

The stories I could tell you about evil chimp behaviour would horrify you. Let’s just say that one of them ends in a male chimp using his fingers to make a hole in the back of a pigeon, and then rooting said pigeon in front on a whole lot of school children.

Here is another example of BAD CHIMPS.

A woman taped pleading with police to shoot her pet chimpanzee because it “ripped the face off” her friend had given the animal mood-altering medication.

Travis, a 15-year-old chimpanzee who has starred in TV shows and ads, so savagely attacked Charla Nash that police didn’t recognise she was a woman when they responded to the emergency call of the animal’s owner Sandra Herold, Associated Press reports.

On the tape, which was released overnight by police, Ms Herold cries, “He’s killing my friend!” In the background the chimp can be heard grunting.

“Who’s killing your friend?,” the emergency operator asks.

“My chimpanzee! He ripped her apart! Shoot him, shoot him!”

Here’s what was most troubling about Travis the chimpanzee, other than the fact he was a chimpanzee named Travis.

He ate and drank at the dinner table, brushed his teeth, used a remote to find baseball on TV and logged onto a computer to look at online image

So basically this all comes back to internet porn, right? Where’s Fred Nile when you need him to make a statement?

MORE: Drugged pet chimp rips woman’s face off