Friday, February 13, 2009
Music
4:43PM Jess McGuire | I mean, really. The Girls Aloud bitches know how to deliver a tune! Defamer Australia’s Euro Correspondent and Pop Music Expert Will Fop recently sent me a package filled with assorted CDs* and one of them was the Girls Aloud album Tangled Up. As soon as this song came on, I began dancing insanely in my room. The whole album is pop gold. Why aren’t they massive in Oz? Or better still, why can’t we produce something similar?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Now I must shake off this Girls Aloud fever and get my booty down to the Myer Music Bowl to check out the live RocKwiz concert. If I can wrangle my way backstage, I promise to give you amazing showbiz gossip on Monday. Or at least make up some completely libellous stories for your entertainment.
*The accompanying letter began with the words “Dear Jess, I know you asked specifically for sperm, but will a Dannii Minogue CD suffice for now?” = COMIC GENIUS. More »
Why Can’t The Australian Music World Deliver A Girl Group As Hugely Awesome As Girls Aloud?
4:43PM Jess McGuire | I mean, really. The Girls Aloud bitches know how to deliver a tune! Defamer Australia’s Euro Correspondent and Pop Music Expert Will Fop recently sent me a package filled with assorted CDs* and one of them was the Girls Aloud album Tangled Up. As soon as this song came on, I began dancing insanely in my room. The whole album is pop gold. Why aren’t they massive in Oz? Or better still, why can’t we produce something similar?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Now I must shake off this Girls Aloud fever and get my booty down to the Myer Music Bowl to check out the live RocKwiz concert. If I can wrangle my way backstage, I promise to give you amazing showbiz gossip on Monday. Or at least make up some completely libellous stories for your entertainment.
*The accompanying letter began with the words “Dear Jess, I know you asked specifically for sperm, but will a Dannii Minogue CD suffice for now?” = COMIC GENIUS. More » 
Flotsam & Jetsam
4:38PM Jess McGuire | Those clever clogs over at RolledEdge have helpfully compiled a list of the five worst Valentine’s Day presents one can give and/or receive on February 14th. It is insightful, and it made me chuckle.
EXAMPLE.
HEART SHAPED CHOCOLATES – A thousand times – no. These things are so kitsch that they make Anne Geddes look alt rock. I can’t imagine the level of latent depression at the factory where these things are made. The workers must look at each other and shrug – ‘people really buy this crap? And they give it to someone they say they love? ARE YOU SERIOUS?’.
Note: Your Editor will happily accept chocolates as a gift, heart shaped or not.
MORE: Valentine’s Day – Part 1 (RolledEdge) More »
Gifts You Shouldn’t Give To Someone You Care About Tomorrow
4:38PM Jess McGuire | Those clever clogs over at RolledEdge have helpfully compiled a list of the five worst Valentine’s Day presents one can give and/or receive on February 14th. It is insightful, and it made me chuckle.
EXAMPLE.
HEART SHAPED CHOCOLATES – A thousand times – no. These things are so kitsch that they make Anne Geddes look alt rock. I can’t imagine the level of latent depression at the factory where these things are made. The workers must look at each other and shrug – ‘people really buy this crap? And they give it to someone they say they love? ARE YOU SERIOUS?’.
Note: Your Editor will happily accept chocolates as a gift, heart shaped or not.
MORE: Valentine’s Day – Part 1 (RolledEdge) More »
Print
3:54PM Jess McGuire | I don’t really know anything about the world of comic books. Well, only what I learned from Seth in The OC, and I’m fairly sure he was into graphic novels… which are not the same thing. Or are they the same thing!? I told you, I know NOTHING!
Anyway, my ignorance means I was genuinely surprised and delighted to learn today that Batwoman is a lesbian. Did you know this? Why aren’t you people informing me of the sexualities of make-believe characters?
She first swung into action 50 years ago, helping her boyfriend Batman rid Gotham City of villains until she was killed off in 1979. Now Batwoman is making a comeback, replacing Batman – who is missing, presumed dead – in the popular DC Comics series.
And this time around the superheroine’s alter ego, Kathy Kane, is a red-headed lesbian.
A red-headed lesbian vixen!? Comic book nerds never had it so good!
I like how the writers speak of Kathy Kane too. More »
Did You Know Batwoman Is A Lesbian By Day?
3:54PM Jess McGuire | I don’t really know anything about the world of comic books. Well, only what I learned from Seth in The OC, and I’m fairly sure he was into graphic novels… which are not the same thing. Or are they the same thing!? I told you, I know NOTHING!
Anyway, my ignorance means I was genuinely surprised and delighted to learn today that Batwoman is a lesbian. Did you know this? Why aren’t you people informing me of the sexualities of make-believe characters?
She first swung into action 50 years ago, helping her boyfriend Batman rid Gotham City of villains until she was killed off in 1979. Now Batwoman is making a comeback, replacing Batman – who is missing, presumed dead – in the popular DC Comics series.
And this time around the superheroine’s alter ego, Kathy Kane, is a red-headed lesbian.
A red-headed lesbian vixen!? Comic book nerds never had it so good!
I like how the writers speak of Kathy Kane too. More »
Music
2:48PM Jess McGuire | Reet reet reet! This just in – Lily Allen has written a new blog post on Le Spazz begging for help.
You see, young Lily has but one dream… a number one album. And she’s shocked and surprised to learn from her record company that topping the US albums charts with her latest release “It’s Not Me, It’s You” is a feat actually within her grasp, if only she can beat Robert Plant & Alison Krauss’s Grammy Award winning release.
So she’s turned to her MySpazz fans to help give her the advantage. If you’re an American and you’re reading this, help a bitch out!
Here’s Lily’s blog entry. More »
Attention America: Lily Allen Needs Your Help To Make Her Pop Dreams Come True
2:48PM Jess McGuire | Reet reet reet! This just in – Lily Allen has written a new blog post on Le Spazz begging for help.
You see, young Lily has but one dream… a number one album. And she’s shocked and surprised to learn from her record company that topping the US albums charts with her latest release “It’s Not Me, It’s You” is a feat actually within her grasp, if only she can beat Robert Plant & Alison Krauss’s Grammy Award winning release.
So she’s turned to her MySpazz fans to help give her the advantage. If you’re an American and you’re reading this, help a bitch out!
Here’s Lily’s blog entry. More »
People
Something’s Happening In Schapelle Corby’s World!
1:25PM Jess McGuire | I’m not going to lie to you. Whenever I see Schapelle Corby’s name in a headline, I barely read the article because I am too busy frantically searching for two things. i. Photos of Schapelle and Renae Lawrence, which I can then can gaze at whilst listening to Bad English. ii. Photos featuring Schapelle’s latest hairstyle. If neither of my two favourite Schapelle related things are in the article I happen to be scanning over, I get a little sad, and then I try to at least locate a particularly inspiring Corby Quote. So. Something exciting is happening in the world of Schapelle, and I’m happy to say that along with informative text, the Daily Telegraph has given us a fine look at Schapelle’s hair! Oh happy day! More »
Print
How Not to Save Newspapers
1:04PM Owen Thomas | Micropayments are the future of content! If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one. Walter Isaacson, a former managing editor of Time, is the latest to pick up this tired banner. More »
People
What Do Kate Winslet And Sharks Have In Common?
12:32PM Jess McGuire | The answer? They stubbornly and foolishly refuse to listen to me. EXHIBIT A. The Titanic actress, who also appears in Revolutionary Road alongside her former co-star Leonardo DiCaprio, has famously struggled with her weight throughout her career. She was nicknamed ‘blubber’ at school and says that only now is she starting to accept and appreciate her figure. The actress recently declared: ‘I’ve decided I am going to start loving my backside because I don’t know anyone who does that. And for my daughter, I want to be able to say to her, “I love this.”‘ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EXHIBIT B. More »
People
11:56AM Jess McGuire | Are you familiar with Ashley Cheadle? Apparently she’s a surfer chick who is the face of Billabong and occasionally acts, although in my mind she’s most famous for her stirring appearance in the late night Proactiv informercials. Anyway, she’s single and looking for Valentines Day looooove, fellas. But only if your name is not Mark Philippoussis.
Sydney surfer and actor Ashley Cheadle is in the market for love this Valentine’s Day – but she has no plans to get involved with love rat Mark Philippoussis again.
Poor The Poo. You break Delta Goodrem’s heart just once and you’re forever referred to as a “love rat” in the media.
And in Mark’s defence, I have it on good authority that he was most definitely single when he began hanging out with Paris Hilton. Or at the very least, his ex was pashing on with a cameraman at an awards ceremony around the same time, so he shouldn’t feel too bad about how things turned out.
Back to Ashley Cheadle. I hear you thinking “Involved with love rat Mark Philippoussis again? When were they ever involved?!”
Let’s hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. More »
Ashley Cheadle Rejects The Romantic Advances Of The Poo
11:56AM Jess McGuire | Are you familiar with Ashley Cheadle? Apparently she’s a surfer chick who is the face of Billabong and occasionally acts, although in my mind she’s most famous for her stirring appearance in the late night Proactiv informercials. Anyway, she’s single and looking for Valentines Day looooove, fellas. But only if your name is not Mark Philippoussis.
Sydney surfer and actor Ashley Cheadle is in the market for love this Valentine’s Day – but she has no plans to get involved with love rat Mark Philippoussis again.
Poor The Poo. You break Delta Goodrem’s heart just once and you’re forever referred to as a “love rat” in the media.
And in Mark’s defence, I have it on good authority that he was most definitely single when he began hanging out with Paris Hilton. Or at the very least, his ex was pashing on with a cameraman at an awards ceremony around the same time, so he shouldn’t feel too bad about how things turned out.
Back to Ashley Cheadle. I hear you thinking “Involved with love rat Mark Philippoussis again? When were they ever involved?!”
Let’s hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. More »
People
11:18AM Jess McGuire | My, Our Cate™ is a one woman Oscar winning baby machine! She’s already got three beautiful young lads with husband Andrew Upton – and now the Daily Telegraph suspects there may just be another bun in the oven. Hope that environmentally friendly Hunters Hill abode is big enough for y’all, Cate!
What was Cate Blanchett’s husband Andrew Upton doing loitering in the obstetrics ward at a private hospital on Wednesday?
This sounds decidedly sinister, but that may just be the use of the word “loitering” which traditionally belongs in articles about men who show their doodles in public, or drunkards. Or if it’s your lucky day, both! More »
Is Cate Blanchett Pregnant AGAIN?
11:18AM Jess McGuire | My, Our Cate™ is a one woman Oscar winning baby machine! She’s already got three beautiful young lads with husband Andrew Upton – and now the Daily Telegraph suspects there may just be another bun in the oven. Hope that environmentally friendly Hunters Hill abode is big enough for y’all, Cate!
What was Cate Blanchett’s husband Andrew Upton doing loitering in the obstetrics ward at a private hospital on Wednesday?
This sounds decidedly sinister, but that may just be the use of the word “loitering” which traditionally belongs in articles about men who show their doodles in public, or drunkards. Or if it’s your lucky day, both! More »
Flotsam & Jetsam
9:52AM Jess McGuire | My friend Rachael sent me this. Apparently there can be only one (cat, that is. Not friend called Rachael. I’m open to having an entire gang of friends called Rachael).
I just had a horrendous nightmare about dying repeatedly in assorted plane crashes. OH I DO HOPE FRIDAY GETS BETTER! Cats can only help, don’t you think? More »
YouTube Clip Of The Day
9:52AM Jess McGuire | My friend Rachael sent me this. Apparently there can be only one (cat, that is. Not friend called Rachael. I’m open to having an entire gang of friends called Rachael).
I just had a horrendous nightmare about dying repeatedly in assorted plane crashes. OH I DO HOPE FRIDAY GETS BETTER! Cats can only help, don’t you think? More » 