Tuesday, February 3, 2009

It’s Really All About What You Yell As You Throw, Isn’t It?

6:33PM Jess McGuire | So another world leader has taken a leaf out of George W. Bush’s book and found himself the object of a shoe-flinging dissident’s footwear. This time it was Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao who happened to be the unlucky statesman copping a boot to the head. More »

Judith Lucy On Nicole Kidman’s Whitegood-esque Face

3:01PM Jess McGuire | When I was a kid, I bloody loved Judith Lucy. I would repeatedly watch her on The Late Show and attempt to impersonate her to impress the slightly older boy next door. Later, as a hopeless nineteen year old check out chick (WITH BIG DREAMS) I would zone out whilst scanning stock at the register and replay her appearances on The Mick Molloy Show in my head, and often laugh out loud at the punch lines, much to the confusion/fright of customers. In my later (declining) years, I would nobly attempt to defend her when male friends insisted her act consisted solely of sooking about her period/singleness in a monotone voice. But now? Hang on, I think I still like Judith Lucy. Call me next time you’re in Melbourne, Judith! We could be great friends and I could wear your beautiful skin. Anyway, she’s performing at the Opera House, and she’s given an interview with smh.com.au where she shares her thoughts on Nicole Kidman. Ready? Age has brought more confidence, less anxiety and a renewed desire “to bang on about stuff”. “I’m almost enjoying myself,” she says. “Finally something’s kicked in where I’m going: ‘You know, you have been doing it for 20 years, you can’t be a complete turkey.’ ” Lucy is fired up about advertising and popular culture promoting female youth as the ultimate ideal; about the pressure to undergo plastic surgery to look acceptable in an age that fears wrinkles and sagging flesh on women. More »

Derryn Hinch Is Here To Help You With Your Drinking Problem

12:01PM Jess McGuire | You know who I’d trust to guide me in the ways of drinking? Derryn Hinch. Now there’s a man who knows about the highs and almighty lows that come with a penchant for quaffing liquor. More »

Cease Your Protests, The Deal Is Done! You Are To Make A Fine Wife For Uncouth American Businessman!

10:22AM Jess McGuire | Thank you, thank you, thank you to the dude who gave me the heads up about this. ?olcats, which claims to be English translations of Warsaw Pact Lolcats, is my new favourite blog. IT IS AMAZING. Here is an example of its genius. “Mother, if my constitution is unfit for gymnast… The grist mill shall become my pommel horse and daily labor my reward!” This site has made my Tuesday. MORE: ?olcats – English translations of Warsaw Pact Lolcats More »

Oh God, Is Michael Lohan STILL Sooking About Samantha Ronson Hooking Up With His Daughter?

9:49AM Jess McGuire | Can’t Michael Ronson see how damn happy Lindsay Lohan is with her girlfriend Samantha Ronson (and also, MySpace)? Why does he have to try and shit all over their love with stupid rants on his “online blog posting“? “After seeing promise and thanking God for Lindsay’s freedom from SaMANtha’s bondage, I see now, that since SaMANtha has once again, weaseled her way back into Lindsay’s life, things have taken a dark turn,” the 48-year-old father wrote, breakingnews.ie reported. What is most disturbing about the above paragraph is not that Michael Lohan, a man who claims to want his eldest daughter back in his life, seems completely incapable of honouring said daughter’s wishes that he refrain from talking to the press about her and slagging off the woman she loves (although that’s pretty bad – when is he going to figure out he needs to shut the hell up?), but the fact he appears to have turned into Perez Hilton. That whole SaMANtha schtick Perez started is tedious in the extreme at the best of times (do you get it? She’s kinda butch! Like a MAN! And her name contains the letters M-A-N so if he capitalises them, he’s really making a witty comment about what an ugly bull dyke she is! HAHAHAHA IT’S JUST SO CLEVER! WOMEN ARE SHIT!). If Michael Lohan thinks adopting it will endear him in any way to his estranged daughter, he must be borderline retarded. MORE: Lindsay’s dad back to ripping on Ronson More »

Defamer Australia’s U2 Expert Delivers Her Verdict On ‘No Line On The Horizon’

8:52AM Jess McGuire | Guess what follows a new single, folks? That’s right, an album! And Defamer Australia’s resident U2 expert Elmo Keep recently heard an advance copy of the new long-player from the Irish up and comers, and it’s safe to say she’s pumped about it. As we enter the DEFCON 1 environs of Universal Music (not really, just hand over your mobile please. And your soul), I can only think that teenage me would really be freaking out right now to be hearing an advance copy of a new U2 album a full month before it becomes ubiquitous out in the world (maybe sooner, if a copyfight happy employee decides to leak it. C’maaaaaan, chumpy!) Adult me is also pretty excited. More »