‘Today’ Set Held Hostage By Best Gams In The Business

· It’s all fun and games until tomorrow morning, when Matt Lauer interrupts a sober interview with a Palestinian spokesperson by shrieking, “I’m gonna be sick—there’s Richard Simmons-juice stain on this couch!”

· Lionsgate is buying TV Guide Network and TV Guide for $255 million; stay tuned for breathless press release announcing their rebranding as The Tyler Perry Network and Madea’s Favourite TV Stories.
· Speaking of magical negros, here’s everything you always wanted to know about them but were afraid to ask.
· Apple unveils the new Macbook Wheel. Ooh, shiny new toys! We want! We want!
· Sad news: veteran reality show producer Kathy Wetherell was killed in car accident in Arizona on December 20. Some of her credits included The Real World, The Bachelor, Flavor of Love, and Charm School.
· Nip/Tuck’s sixth season premieres tomorrow, in which we’ll be introduced to a fellow who’d like a Tyrannosaurus Prick-reduction. This could make for awkwardness among those of you who have recently moved back in with your parents.
· Bill O’Reilly is gay. (Also: His vagina is about 4 feet wide with razor sharp teeth.)