Lesbiyenta Ellen DeGeneres Determined To Marry Away Anne Hathaway

Not again! After her matchmaking attempts with Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, and Ryan Seacrest produced no sparks, Ellen DeGeneres has plunged her knitting needles into Anne Hathaway (whose current boyfriend is not famous enough).

The talk show host attempted to extract a veritable personal ad from Hathaway (must love getting shitfaced and “processed metaphysics”!) on her show today, though her prey put up a fight:

“If you need someone, I will find you a boyfriend,” the TV host tells the Bride Wars star on the Ellen DeGeneres Show to air Thursday. “I’m really good at it.”

“Did you see how nervous I just got?” responds Hathaway.

“You don’t even have to date,” advises DeGeneres, who herself is married to Portia de Rossi. “You can go straight to commitment.” [...]

In terms of what she’s now looking for in a guy, “At this point I would just like him to be law abiding,” says Hathaway.

We’re afraid that the newly insistent DeGeneres is merely giving the anti-gay marriage foes more grist for the mill; imagine an ad where a happy, beaming Mormon explains, “I have lots of gay friends! I just don’t want them to become smug marrieds.”

• Ellen DeGeneres to Find Mr. Right for Anne Hathaway [People]