Hunkiest ‘Top Chef’ Elimination Ever Spares Fake-Italian, Scars Prettyboy For Life

On last night’s Top Chef Super Bowl All-Star Face-Off Synergistic Cross-Promotion Can-We-Fit-Quaker-Oats-in-There-Somehow Extravaganza, the surviving chefs of Season 5—a group we find ourselves strangely attached to—were forced to cook head-to-head with past Chef contestants.

The surprising result put three of the most charismatic contestants on the chopping block: the endlessly charming Italiano Fabio, who had a rough time throughout the entire episode (”I slice-ad da meat! I put eet on top of da hot-ta cabbage…You kill-a my mama…”), and who we’re still convinced will stun America by dropping all traces of his ridiculous accent upon elimination and reveal he’s actually a guy named Douglas Hernandez from Fort Worth; vaguely European übervillain Stefan—hated by many but admired by us for various reasons, not the least being how he’s rarely not smiling and relishes tormenting lesbian crush Jamie; and, lastly, pretty-boy Miami chef Jeff, whose face makes love to the camera but whose overachieving culinary ADD does not make love to the plate.

In the end, it was Jeff’s time, and his exit interview—in which he predicts he won’t get over the loss for a solid decade, before flagellating himself with a meat tenderiser—was more than a little heartbreaking. And we thought we were harsh self-critics. Goodbye, Jeff. Your photogenic passion will be missed. We salute you for taking the tough route, and not becoming a soap actor.

[Top Chef]