Clint Eastwood’s $US29 Million Going-Away Present

No remedy works better for that piercing Golden Globes hangover than the all-natural, FDA-approved wonder drug that is US Box Office:

1. Gran Torino — $US29 million
A film we forecast at a solid #3 coming into the weekend, Clint Eastwood in fact rode his farewell performance and the strength of a catchy hit soundtrack to blockbuster-esque numbers. We should have known better than to sell the legend’s persona short; thankfully his retirement means we can offer much slighter underestimations in the future, including…

2. Bride Wars — $US21.5 million
Fox’s second consecutive strong opening after Marley & Me hinted that the studio may have what it takes in 2009 to profit on films developed and produced within its own system, as opposed to those smashes it simply lends to other studios. Welcome back, gang!

3. The Unborn — $US21.1 million
The Jewish-themed slant on The Exorcist cashed in on the untapped appeal of what’s come to be known as “pantyschauf,” or Hebrew girls’ ancient, coming-of-age tradition of shrieking their dead siblings away wearing nothing but a tank top and cotton underwear.

4. Marley & Me — $US11.4 million
Another Fox coup: Despite a 53-percent drop from last week, Marley retained its Top-Five spot through consistently strong word-of-mouth and the redoubtable appeal of a unprecedentedly forthright ad campaign.

5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button — $US9.5 million
Like its title character, Button’s gross regresses with every passing week, soon to threaten a crazed plunge from the roof and die cradled in its ex-lover’s arms at Paramount, who will bury it in the family plot in a fancy casket replete with director’s commentary. You never know what coming for you, except when you do.