Yentazilla Ellen DeGeneres Won’t Stop Until Every One Of Her Celebrity Friends Is Gay-Married

When did Ellen DeGeneres turn into such a lesbiyenta?

On today’s show, she attempted to force Jim Carrey into proposing to his lhasa apso-haired sweetheart before the audience realised it was just another one of her weird charity ruses. But do you know why everyone was fooled? Because she does this shit all the time now! Whether she’s attempting to set up Jennifer Aniston with Shemar Moore or telling Ryan Seacrest he should ask Eva Mendes out (something the actress’ longtime boyfriend would no doubt appreciate), DeGeneres has now become that obnoxious married person that won’t settle down until she has coupled up all of her friends. Ellen, we don’t care what celebrities do behind closed doors. We just can’t stand it when you keep pushing it in our faces.

• Ellen