Schapelle Corby Is The New Anthony Robbins

Sometimes in this life, one is lucky enough to encounter a nugget of wisdom so profound, so utterly life altering, that your fleeting existence on this planet is never the same. So I am thrilled to tell you that not only was I truly blessed this morning when I opened up my paper and copped an eyeful of Today Tonight nemesis Mercedes Corby in a swimsuit, but the article accompanying the pants-razzing image contained incredibly moving advice given to Mercedes before the photo shoot by her incarcerated sister (and member of the Bali Smuggles Massive) Schapelle.

Brace yourselves…

Having laid low for the past six months following her multi-million dollar defamation payout from Channel 7, the Bali-based 33-year-old made a secret visit to Australia last month with her mum Rosalie Rose after Schapelle, who was a beauty school student, told her to do the revealing interview.

It’s coming! It’s coming!Are you ready?

“She just told me I need a tan and just be confident.”

FUCK. YES.

Has there ever been a better (albeit brief) piece of advice given in the history of humankind? I think not. I thought Lindsay Lohan’s infamous “Be adequite” (advice I recently had tattooed onto my wrist as a permanent reminder to keep it real, or something) was the greatest thing ever said in modern times, but Schapelle’s trumped the future Mrs Ronson. Easily.

Bitch, please. You had plenty of time to pipe up about the benefits of a tan, but no! Mr Fancy Pants was just too busy nattering away to Sofie Formica to bother actually giving decent advice to the citizens of the world.

In short: Schapelle? I salute you. I am off to find some sun as we speak.

MORE: Mercedes Corby, sister of Schapelle, strips down for men’s mag Ralph