Lourdes Is Almost As Powerful As Her Mother!

You know what’s really messed up? I saw the front page of the brisbanetimes.com.au just then (what? I had to visit! I felt sorry for it now that the Courier Mail’s been sauntering around town bragging about how it has the bigger cock!) and my first thought when I saw the headline “Doctors’ panel won’t rule on Lourdes ‘miracles’” -

- was “Oh my god! Madonna’s child has magical powers!”

Which, weirdly, still actually works in a Catholic kind of way.

I had Holy Water from Lourdes in a little Virgin Mary shaped bottle for 27 years, until my stupid dog ate the bottle and drank the water back in January. I tried to tell myself that this meant I now owned a miracle dog, but who am I kidding? The only Lourdes miracle I’m interested in is replacing my damn bottle without having to fly to France and cough up money for it.

MORE: Doctors’ panel won’t rule on Lourdes ‘miracles’