James Franco Admits To Being ‘Jimmy Drakkar,’ Legendary Cologne Lord

· “So funny story—I’m getting paid millions to pump Gucci, the same stinky toilet-water I used to swipe at Macy’s and sell to my classmates. Did I mention the gun-running and home-ec hooker ring?”

· In case you were going to A Christmas Carol at the Kodak Theater tonight with visions of hologram Gene Wilders dancing in your heads, we felt the need to pass this message along: “Please note that Jane Seymour has cancelled due to illness and due to limited tech time, a special appearance by Gene Wilder in a hologram will not be used & a supporting actor will be playing Marley’s Ghost.” In an unrelated note, how awesome are those satellite space-pandas? We hope there’s enough tech time left over for them!
· If you ever wondered what Pamela Anderson playing Amy Sedaris playing Pamela Anderson might look like, now you know.
· 25-year-old trespassing Dunst-enthusiast Christopher R. Smith has been ordered to stay away from the actress.
· Home Team 1, Satan 0.
· For a second we were literally jumping around Defamer HQ telling anyone who’d listen that a woman had developed the most formidable cockfighting breed the world has ever known; then we realised it was just some crazy lady humiliating a giant, castrated poodle.