Can Someone Please Tell Us What The Hell Keri Russell Is Talking About On ‘Conan?’

To fully appreciate this, we’ll ask you now to stop whatever it is you’re doing—don’t worry, we’ll be here when you get back—lay your head down on your keyboard, and drift off to sleep. (Feel free to take whatever prescription sleed-aids you might require to make this happen. Just no fistfuls washed down with a liter of vodka! The weekend is still three days away.) Then, have a co-worker or cohabitant click play on the video above.

There. Now we’ve succeeded in approximating, in a controlled lab setting, the circumstances around our own introduction to the segment. As we snoozed on the couch, Keri Russell’s droning Late Night anecdote began to seep its way into our subcortex. Her campfire tale of backwards-talking dwarves soon became a Lynchian fever dream that had us clawing at thin air and screaming the word “COVERAGE!!!” repeatedly until we finally awoke, face down in a sweat-drenched IKEA cushion. The only thing that could have made it more terrifying is if Jimmy Fallon had been the one explaining to the home audience how midgets regularly swallow children in dark forests, then trick the parents by dressing up in their clothes.

[Late Show]