Vanessa Amorosi Is No Actress

Or so the Melbourne underworld’s favourite warbler claims – she’s apparently responded to rumours she’s planning on treading the boards. And I think this public denial is a great thing. It’ll put people’s minds at ease.

I don’t know about you, but I’m unable to walk the streets without being accosted by concerned strangers asking me “Could it be? Is the chick who had that hit once during the Olympics – you know, the bird who didn’t pash Ruby Rose – going to appear in some kind of theatrical production I’m unlikely to see or care about in the near future?”

CALM DOWN, AUSTRALIA. The Daily Telegraph has the answers.

Singer Vanessa Amorosi has scotched rumours she’s going into acting – but thinks it could be fun.

I am intrigued. Please tell me more, Daily Telegraph. Your two line online articles make me tingle all over with their brevity. I could – nay, should – learn from you.

“I’d give the worst performance ever although I would love to star in Tomb Raider or Kill Bill or anything that Quentin Tarantino does,” she says

Given that Vanessa knows enough shady attractive, intelligent, financially secure individuals through her recent work as weddings/parties/anything performer in Melbourne, I think it’s entirely possible “someone” would put up the money for a Channel Nine telemovie starring Vanessa Amorosi – a reinterpretation of Tomb Raider directed by Quentin Tarantino. Bring it on!

MORE: Amorossi’s Tomb Raider fantasy