Unholy Unions: When we heard today that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt had gotten married, we knew there would be pictures, and we had only one question: did Spencer shave off his abominable snowbeard for the wedding? As revealed by this cover of Us Weekly, no, he did not! The magazine and Life & Style are both reporting that Montag’s parents were less than thrilled that their daughter went ahead and got married without her family present. Settle down, Montags: we’re sure the dynamic duo is planning a second, blowout wedding at Les Deux as we speak. Will Lauren crash the ceremony to object? Will Brody Jenner be “best bro”? So many questions, so few cumulative brain cells. [Us]