‘That’s An Ouch’: Joe Jonas Dumps Taylor Swift Over Phone In A Record 25 Seconds

Pop-country tween phenomenon Taylor Swift dropped by Ellen today to promote a new album of songs that tap deep into the wells of heartache she’s already amassed in her scant 18 years on this planet. The most achy-breaky of all? Her breakup with dreamy-haired Jonas brother Joe, about whom she says pragmatically, “One day…I won’t be able to remember the boy that broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18.” What follows is a thunderous wave of “Ohhhhhhwaaahhhhhhwhoooooooaaaa” from the audience we think is supposed to encapsulate their shock, sympathy, and outrage over the callous tele-dumping. While we feel for the singer, we too are certain there’s far more worthy suitors in her future, and she’ll chalk this experience up to yet more grist for the country-song mill, culminating in a CMA-winning composition entitled, “I Need Your Lovin’ (Like I Need A Fartin’ Dog in My Dodge).” [Ellen]