New ‘Watchmen’ Trailer 100% Devoid of Billy Crudup’s Blue Wang

What great bard was it that once said, “You don’t know what you got til it’s gone”? Superman, right? Maybe it was one of the Wonder Twins? Ah, well, no matter — it’s just that this brand-new, second official trailer for Zach Snyder’s Watchmen calls to mind that intense pang of loss one feels when something dear is stripped away. In this case, we are referring to Billy Crudup’s naked blue wang, which seems to have gone missing.

It was less than a month ago that Crudup’s CG cerulean phallus first thrust itself into the national consciousness, and in that time we’ve stopped pondering matters like, “Dude, Rorshach sounds just like Christian Bale as Batman” or “Nope, nope, still don’t care for that Silk Spectre costume,” instead devoting our thoughts to only one question: “The wang — how much are we gonna see it?” Sadly, the new trailer is totally wang-free, indicating that whole scenes — even ones that Crudup does not appear in! — may occur without a glimpse of his flaccid, blue Lower Manhattan. For shame, Mr. Snyder. Please rectify this situation with a red-band (or blue-band?) clip, post-haste.